@actuallyautistic
I think I read once that #PDA can also show in an aversion of accepting gifts or favors. Do you know any ressource on that?
It came to my mind that I often don't like being invited. Like recently a colleague wanted outof nothing to pay for my coffee. And instead of saying thanks I make it complicated.
@Fizzfizzpopop@actuallyautistic
I requested also many people to stop this gifting. If they can't follow it I propose to get something to eat.
But there are other multiple aspects to it too.
First, if I really need something, I will organize it at the time I need it.
Second, if I don't need anything, I will get things I don't need or wrong versions of stuff that wouldn't be my choice.
Third, I start feeling obliged towards the gift to keep and use it.
@Fizzfizzpopop@actuallyautistic
And then there is this thing like, I should gift you too. I have no idea what you want or need and don't want to stress you. I didn't gift you anything at your birthday, do I have to compensate it? It feels a bit like in this one TBBT episode.
@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic absolutely. I am trying to make people either give no presents to me or only food/drink that I will eat. (Dark chocolate is accepted!😁😁)
My husband doesn't expect or give presents. Which removes the demand to deal with whatever thing has been gifted. 🤗🤗
@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic they're really going to have to start not abbrevating everything. The only "PDA"s i know are "Personal Digital Assistant"s and "Public Displays of Affection". They keep making the same letters stand for different things every couple weeks and i can't keep up. How is this supposed to help anyone's mental health when its stressy as hell to keep up with what the hell they call what i am at any given time??
@SnepperStepper@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic I'm referring to pathological demand avoidance PDA which sounds pretty horrible to have, 30 years ago it was something called oppositional defiant disorder,(ODD), and now, very recently it's being renamed as extreme demand avoidance.....
@CatHat@SnepperStepper@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic not the same but my (probably PDA) child was identified by teachers as probably having ODD about 20 years ago, and although the profiles are different, they are both ways of labelling the fault being with the child rather than the adults who should be enabling the child.
@Fizzfizzpopop@SnepperStepper@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic PDA is something that happens as gut reaction to being rushed or given orders.
Its fairly common and moderately annoying.
Its a specific trait trait that some autistic people, including me, have.
@CatHat@dramypsyd@SnepperStepper@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic I think in actual academic circles they are not, but people who are in a professional position who have heard a little but not enough often use them as aspects of the same thing. I knew someone who went through school with odd being mentioned at yearly reviews, and yet they were clearly PDA in retrospect..
To elaborate a bit.
Reading excessive role play might be a typical trait for PDA profile autists, was quite a surprise. Because the traditional stereotypical questionaires list that as a contra argument for autism.
The actual kind of role play would draw attention nevertheless, because of its repetition and rigidity. But maybe lead to false conclusions
I wonder now whether there are more known traits I didn't know about.
@actuallyautistic
Or as a teenager I remember that I once with my best friend met his parents in a pub. They wanted then to invite me to a Schnitzel. And in fact those looked delicious and I really would have fancied one. Butin my mind it was like: can I accept this offer? Would my family do the same to make it even? Am I supposed to refuse it or accept it, why are they offering it.
In the end I sat with them watching them eat and felt stupid and awkward.
@actuallyautistic
I think my son could have a PDA profile, because we are often try to navigate him into thinks without actually requesting it. In my experience a "I am going to get dressed wanna join" can have complete different outcome than "Please get dressed".
Also I read that role play (in contrast to common believes about autism) is quite common. And we spent a huge ammount of time being animals or fictional charcters following scripts repeatingly.
@Dr_Obvious@actuallyautistic I'm fairly sure I have PDA and I respond best to people telling me what the problem is and inviting me to look for the solution, or invitations to "see if I can" do (whatever it is), / "feel free to have a go and see what you come up with". or as a child to "lets see who can "x" first" etc..
I can find it very awkward to accept favours etc, & if I do, to be gracious about it. I think it’s an aversion to feeling indebted? Always much easier when I’ve previously done something for them. My partners worse. (But he’s not neurodivergent. Apparently. 🤔)
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