Wanting to do things and having ideas is painful

zralok, 1 month ago

I face something similar to it.

I have so many things I would like to learn and do that I think I end up getting overwhelmed by the amount of things and I do nothing. It’s difficult for me to put things in action in an active way. Mainly for starting things.

One thing that at least prevents me of forgetting such things is dumping it in notes.

dumpsterlid, 1 month ago

Two things.

A really great goal for meditation or just mental health in general is trying to be conscious of the pleasantness of having an idea and desiring to do it or even just having the desire to do something before you have attached any higher level executive functioning type of thoughts and rationalized that desire within a framework of events and logic. Just try to enjoy the feeling without rushing to attach things to it. WAYYY harder said than done of course :)

Second thing, prioritize getting high quality time burying yourself in video games or whatever else you go to hyperfocus on and shut out the outside world. Set an alarm, play the video game and make yourself forget about all those anxieties hanging in your head about what you should actually be doing right now. Lean into your ability to get lost in a thing and trust the alarm. I am realizing if I don’t do this I just feel always exhausted from a thirst for stimulation, and often people are unfortunately disgusted or repulsed when they perceive how much stimulation my ADHD actually needs for me to feel balanced enough to become functional and adult.

I find that everyone in my life will frequently start to be disgusted by how much I am focusing on one thing to the exclusion of all others but those outside perspectives don’t understand no matter how much they say exactly how much I need those long stretches of meditative pursuit of a single thing in order to be functional or even remotely happy. As someone with ADHD unless you are really lucky, you have to hide how much time you spend doing this or there are very real social consequences (again it really doesn’t matter what people say they accept, people won’t accept you for it unless they have a mind like you). One of the best ways to do that is to just ensure the stimulation you are getting is high quality, distilled stimulation that fits best into your life.

From another perspective setting an alarm and leaning into a favorite hyperfocus is a great way to slow down the feeling of a day sliding by, it helps counteract one the worst consequences of time blindness which is just a general feeling that you are never actually arriving anywhere but just chasing after things you are behind on.

apprehentice, 1 month ago

I feel that. It’s not perfect, but I started writing down all of my ideas as bullet points just to relieve some of the urgency. I know that I’m likely to forget about them and completely ignore the list, but it really does help, regardless. I use an app called Logseq and I have it bound to a gesture on my phone so I can open it quickly. I hope it works for you.

dumpsterlid, 1 month ago

I use and am deeply in love with org mode, but Logseq looks a fantastic solution for many people and I am super happy when it gets mentioned in ADHD circles.

hissingmeerkat, 1 month ago

I started doing that last year with Joplin on my computer and it’s a big help.

I also keep big notes to just dump everything I’m working on into - websites, pdfs, screenshots, screen video captures with no commitment to organization except I can add things in chronological order. A lot of it is initiated by showing it to someone else and then realizing I should have a note for myself too.

I really should start doing the same with personal stuff and random observations. If something is important enough to tell (or what to tell) other people about it should be important enough to tell my future self about.

It’s crazy how much not experiencing rewards yourself/the inability to do things for yourself influences things I wouldn’t even imagine before understating what ADHD is/does and consciously examining them.

apprehentice, 1 month ago

The need for external validation is a burden, indeed, but you’re already on the right track. You got this!