Mom, don’t sacrifice your retirement savings to keep our lifestyle the same. It’s not more important than struggling so hard in your retirement years. Your kids will get used to living with less, we’ll get over any sadness we feel over it, as long as we’re together.
Also, you have a bad case of sunk cost fallacy. You’re going to lose the house over it.
Dad, if you run away from your kids when it gets tough, they are going to be traumatized, and it will come back to bite you when you’re older. Your son especially will want nothing to do with you. Your last years will be lonely enough, don’t abandon the only people who will be there for you.
I wouldn’t tell them anything. Any changes they made to how I was raised would fundamentally change who and where I am now. While growing up was torture in many ways, it led me here, and I’m really happy with where I am now.
Don’t force your child to play mind games with their other parent or try forcing them to read out loud their entire text message history or explain their entire conversation they had with their other parent.
Don’t force them to lie to their other parent but also try and force them to tell you every lie the other parent made.
Don’t yell and scream at them or act pouty and manipulative when they say “No”.
If you have a problem with your partner take it with then directly, if its not fixable then don’t be together. Just please don’t use your child to manipulate your partner into depression or anger and force your kid to “choose a side”, it’ll make them resent you both.
my dad was an immigrant (technically so was I but I was brought here at a young age) and didn’t speak the language. so he did manual labor jobs for a long time until he felt confident enough to try his luck at his own business. now he works much less and makes much more.
leave the manual labor for the people who can’t do anything else. if you have skills, put them to use
everybody can’t be a doctor or lawyer. you need someone to clean toilets, dig holes, and carry cement.
some people don’t have the capacity or the willingness to do anything else. i work in the underground construction industry. there are a lot of illegals working digging holes and they’re perfectly happy with it. they can’t speak english, they can’t work a computer, and they don’t want to learn.
nothing wrong with it. other people, however, move up quickly. there was a girl we hired fresh off the boat. couldn’t speak english and started off essentially digging holes for $1000 a week. she was sharp minded, however, and quickly started helping with the administrative tasks on the job sites. we gave her a raise and a promotion to crew supervisor. we gave her a laptop, she learned english quickly and eventually became a foreman and by the time she left us about 2 years later, she was making nearly 3x her original salary. she updated a lot of the systems we had and created daily reports for our clients. something we weren’t doing - she just thought of it and it was a big benefit to us.
she ended up leaving to join someone else starting up their own company. she was able to get a big picture vision of the operation. some people cannot see past their job role
we have people that have been digging holes for us for the better part of a decade. they get paid their wage, they pay their bills, and when they get home they drink their beers and are happy.
it’s just the way it is. nothing wrong with it. i think it’s rude and demeaning to try and imply these people need to somehow get a better position or move forwards.
all i’m saying is if you’re in a position where you can do more, do more. you’ll get paid better and work less. and you’ll find it’s like an upward spiral. the more you do, the more things you’ll be given the opportunity to do. then you can leverage that into better opportunities
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