Chronic Depression

BackOnMyBS, 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

I have been mildly depressed for most of my adult life, which I self-medicated with alcohol for a about 5 years. Even though I always knew I was different, I had no idea I was autistic at the time. I knew I was ADHD, but I just tried to manage it on my own since when I brought it up to my provider, the didn’t believe me. I sought professional help to get sober, and maintained that for basically the rest of my adult life with a ~6 month hiccup. While getting professional help, I went through sooooo many anti-depressants and similar. SSRIs were horrible for me. Mood stabilizers seemed to do nothing. Anti-psychotics made me a zombie. Eventually, I landed on Wellbutrin, which seemed to work the best, but I still wasn’t great. I was just able to manage life a little better. I was on that for like 7 years. It seemed to stop working, paired with an abusive relationship, so I started going downhill and became severely depressed.

One day, at social gathering with a bunch of psychologists at my friend’s house, I said something I thought was completely fine, but apparently, it was wacky. My friend said, “Don’t worry, he’s just autistic.” I thought he was joking, so the next day, just to mess with him, I took online autism tests to send him the results. However, I answered honestly and the results on ~3 different tests all came back as I’m deep into the autism spectrum. I sent them to him with some doubt that maybe I was autistic? When I went over again, he said that he was sorry for saying that about me. Honestly, I didn’t care because I didn’t see anything wrong with being autistic. The conversation eventually landed on that he thought I actually was autistic, and he came out as autistic too. Then, he covered a bunch of reasons why he thought that about me.

I went on a deep dive learning about being autistic, and I was almost convinced, but I wanted complete reassurance. I got a professional evaluation that used the ADOS-2 and threw in there an ADHD assessment as well. I am 💯% AuDHD. This lead me to learn a lot about living with this brain. Regarding autism, I learned a lot about my difficulties and how to adjust my life and social environment to best fit my style of sensing and thinking. I also learned to stop blaming myself as much. Things slowly got better.

Yet, I was still dealing with depression. I then came to my new psychiatrist with the assessment report showing confirmation of not only autism, but ADHD. I finally got put on ADHD meds and…WOW!!! I had not realized how much ADHD was affecting my life. This is a whole new world. Apparently, the ADHD meds have some research to support its use with autistic people in particular (page 13). It’s been crazy how much I’ve improved in the past few days since I started. It’s like I’m a much better version of myself. The most salient improvement for me is how little I now care about meeting other people expectations. I just want to live my life to make sure I accomplish what I want with it respectfully. It’s really weird.

Anyway, the whole point is that I’m sure a lot of us are dealing with depression for so long, that it just becomes who we think we are. Pair that with the autism, and we just internalize that by thinking we’re bad or broken, no matter how much we might tell ourselves that we’re not. There are a lot of things that can help, but getting a good assessment and professional support are valuable. Internally, self-acceptance and then the motivation to improve our lives is where it begins. Once that happens, the world is your oyster.

Relevant song ❤️ : music.youtube.com/watch?v=XdRskxDOJfQ&feature…

JaxNakamura, 9 months ago

I rarely see this being mentioned, but vitamin B12 deficiency is a thing that certainly doesn’t help with mental health. This is fairly prevalent in people with any type of gut problem. And seeing as gut issues and autism are strongly correlated, I would suggest you look into that.

18107, 9 months ago (edited 9 months ago)

Austistic burnout can present almost the same symptoms as depression (and is often misdiagnosed as depression), but responds very differently to antidepressants than depression would.

I was diagnosed with depression many years ago, but in hindsight, I’m fairly sure it was autistic burnout.

Not a doctor, seek medical advice before making medical decisions.

FollyDolly, 9 months ago

I have autism and persistent depressive disorder. I take Zoloft, which has done wonders for me, both for depression and anxiety. I also went to therapy, focusing on cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been depressed my whole life, but it was really the neverending constant anxiety that drove me into the arms of alcohol. Luckily I quit drinking completely before starting the meds and haven’t touched a drop since.

Mugmoor, 9 months ago

This is really great to hear. I was just prescribed Zoloft, and drinking hasn’t been important to me since I was in my 20’s. I’ve taken CBT in the past but didn’t find it all that helpful.

FollyDolly, 9 months ago

I don’t think CBT would have helped me without first being on Zoloft. I started the meds years before therapy, so I feel like I was in a better place to receive it.

uriel238, 9 months ago

I faced the reverse. School psychs (and peers) knew I was a bit odd since grade school. In my early 20s I was diagosed with major depression. At 27 it became anaclitic depression

Then in my late 40s I was diagnosed as ASD which runs parallel with my gender apathy.

Also, by this time I see the mental health epidemic across the states as pervasive and intergenerational, likely the result of how the industrial revolution has changed society and neglected the needs of individual persons, We’re all mad here. Just some are high functioning and don’t ever get assessed for mental illness, instead drinking like Ian Flemming,

RobotToaster, 9 months ago

I have early onset chronic treatment resistant depression.

Tried a bunch of meds, only one that worked for a while was phenelzine, but it “pooped out” after about a year.

kapx132, 9 months ago

I had Depression Caused by my cripling OCD and thoughts like “why i cant just be normal” were often but im better now.

JokeDeity, 9 months ago

I’ve been struggling for years with just going to see a doctor. I don’t know why that is so hard for me, but my life would be infinitely better if I could get out of it.

Wabbitsmiles, 9 months ago

Hope it work out well for you, and kudos to taking steps in dealing with it. I can’t say I know how you feel, but have gone through bouts of depression and it was truly a shitty time in my life, but I got out and never want to go back in. But who knows what life has for us ahead.

TIL that adult men with autism are at higher risk for depression. Were you recently diagnosed with autism, or were you diagnosed at a younger age?

Auster, 9 months ago

Dunno if I'm prone to depression, but once I figured out how to turn into strengths what, up to then, I saw as weaknesses, my mood started shifting for better. So maybe something worth keeping in mind?

Mugmoor, 9 months ago

This is something I’ve tried to do my whole life. It can be hard to stick to it, but thankfully things aren’t nearly as bad as they used to be for me.