I just wanted some insights from other fathers...

sbv, 1 month ago

Stay away from YouTube. There is some stuff you’ll need a howto for (swaddling a baby, correctly installing a car seat, cleaning bottles), but YouTube won’t help with the important things.

Like others say: be there for your partner. Don’t expect an immediate connection with the kid (it took 6+ months for me). Be proactive about helping out.

argh_another_username, 1 month ago

Counter argument: when I read your search query, the first thing that came to my mind was “he’s having trouble to conceive” and I was thinking about what we did to have a baby. I have a low sperm count, so it took some time. And there are some theories about the differences in the X and Y espermatozoide. So, the videos may not be far from your search.

sirico, 1 month ago

very true I noticed I did a bad search the 2nd one was more what I was looking for and just had that weird toxic vid as the 2nd result.

habitualTartare, 1 month ago

I think the algorithm is skewed when searching male vs dad. What happens to the search results when you search for “dad advice having a baby”?

sirico, 1 month ago

100% was this I found the right search terms to get the content I was after.

Toneswirly, 1 month ago

Being a dad is like being the new guy at work for a long time. You will have imposter syndrome and feel like the work will never get done fast enough. You will find new limits of stamina you didnt know you had. You’ll grow quickly as a person, especially if youre receptive to that growth.

Trust your partner when she tells you shes hurt or struggling. Pregnancy is a really tough experience; their feet are gonna grow, they develop unexplained food aversions or cravings, back pain and other physical discomfort. Be supportive and helpful as much as you can.

Get a sound machine ASAP annd bring it with you to the hospital when you deliver. You will thank me later.

prettybunnys, 1 month ago

I have a 14 year old.

The imposter syndrome presumably stops when I die … right?

papertowels, 1 month ago (edited 1 month ago)

As another prospective dad, why the sound machine? Specifically, why bring it to the hospital?

Toneswirly, 1 month ago

cause you’re gonna be bothered every 2 hours by nurses, even overnight. Getting as much sleep as possible in between is essential for keeping your sanity, plus it’ll help your newborn get some rest too.

papertowels, 1 month ago

Ahhh, that makes sense. Thanks!

orangeNgreen, 1 month ago

Step one is just being there, and not putting everything on mom. Change those diapers. Sing the lullabies. Give the baths. Play peekaboo. Be dad.

Step two is to not be concerned if you don’t feel an immediate connection to the baby. Sometimes that takes time. In the beginning, they are just a potato that cries, poops, and keeps you up at night.

Step three is to be kind to yourself and your partner. Raising a kid can be mentally and physically draining at times. Give your partner some alone time, and take some alone time for yourself if at all possible.

Step four is to keep coming to us for help or even just to vent.

It may take some trial and error to see what works, because every kid is different. What worked for my first kid didn’t really work for my second. But you’ll get there!

mihnt, 1 month ago

Step one is just being there, and not putting everything on mom. Change those diapers. Sing the lullabies. Give the baths. Play peekaboo. Be dad.

I’ve always loved how Ryan Reynolds put it;

“Just do the dirty work, man. You gotta do the diapers, you gotta do the middle of the night thing. I mean, your wife — a human being will exit your wife, so she’s done enough. Just change the diapers and do all that stuff.”

trolololol, 1 month ago

Yep I think most important is 4

And I’ll add 5: everything takes more time than before, so bring in lots of patience. No long quick shower quick breakfast and go to your weekend commitments. Now you’ll wait for the wife and the kid. And you’re better be busy doing something for the kids because there’s lots to do and it should be split with the mom right.

ThunderWhiskers, 1 month ago

Step three is to be kind to yourself and your partner. Raising a kid can be mentally and physically draining at times. Give your partner some alone time, and take some alone time for yourself if at all possible.

Step 1 is fantastic, but step 3 is going to be mission critical. There will be times where you will feel like you can’t take one second more of screaming, or later one more “what do ducks do?”. Give yourselves time to disengage from the children. They really don’t require much hard work, but they do require nearly constant attention when they are young.

We’re all making this up as we go buddy. You’ll have good days and bad days. Don’t beat yourself up too much about the bad ones. Love your children, and don’t be afraid to tell them when you make mistakes.