[parody] The scariest thing ever

No matter what, Gary couldn't sleep. This wasn't because it was far, far too bright outside, and baking hot under the glare of the desert sun. Oh no. It was because they had been invaded...
By children's television characters.
He peered out the window cautiously. The coast seemed clear. Maybe he could wiggle out and do a quick run to the gas station.
Just then, a thump from the front hall caught his attention. He moved to check the door, nervously clutching a baseball bat as he inched forward, but a jiggle of the knob confirmed it was still locked. Thank God.
"I LOVE YOU."
Gary whirled as something fuzzy and cute launched itself at its back and screamed as it hugged him.
"LEAVE ME ALONE!"
He managed to wrestle it off and throw it to the ground. A puppet. He hated puppets. Actually, Gary hated most things. His one joy in life was causing misery and pain to others. This invasion? Had ruined all of that.
"Die, damn you, die!" he howled as he whacked it with a bat, but it just squeaked and giggled.
Suddenly, nothing in the world would die any more. There was no, ahem, bedroom fun time results either. It was exactly as if some creator on high had decided to put on some PG filter setting, perhaps because the creator's grandma was visiting and didn't like gore. Or fun.
"Become one of us!" it squeaked.
"Yes, one of us!" Another skittled out from the darkness. "We're all friends here."
"one of us, one of us," chanted more and more fuzzballs and cartoons, emerging from the darkness to swarm the grumpy misanthrope and drag him kicking into the sunshine. They dunked him into a rainbow pool, and he weakly crawled out and vomited.
"How do you feel now?" They said. "Friends?"
"I feel... great! Friends!" His eyes dilated wide and he began to grow fuzz across his entire body.
"Yay! One of us, one of us! Friends foreeeever!" they all shouted.
Sleep? Gary no longer needed sleep. Gary only needed... friends!

Any similarity to real life is coincidence. If we are ever invaded by cartoon characters, please do not blame the author.