A poem I wrote as an egg, and in love with a straight guy.

Question

A question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead
– Same book, but different cover –
Would you become my lover?
Or would we still be friends?

Now, I ask: don’t get me wrong.
I love our friendship, and it’s strong.
I love it when I make you smile,
Even for a little while.
I love it when I’m at your side.
Our conversations make my day.
And nothing makes me feel more pride
Than impressing you some way.

Now, I wonder: can you tell?
How you make me feel so well?
That this smile is just for you?
And if you knew, then what you’d do?

Now, I know that you are straight.
And we’re both guys, so we won’t date.
So a question fills my head.
Were I a girl instead…

Note: I wrote this poem before realizing I’m a trans woman, which is why I’m calling myself a guy in there, but I’m absolutely not one. I have since learned that gender isn’t just a matter of a “different cover” – it’s definitely part of the book.

– Lady Scarecrow

Sasha,

Thankyou, I think I needed to read this

Delta_,

👏

lady_scarecrow,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

?

Delta_, (edited )

Just applauding! I love when poems begin and end with the same lines and I think you used it really powerfully 👏

lady_scarecrow,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Oh, I see! Thank you

TheGingerNut,
@TheGingerNut@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

So did you ask him out after you cracked?

lady_scarecrow, (edited )
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I did, and he turned me down. We’re still good friends to this day though, so it wasn’t a bad ending either.

Blahaj_Blast,
@Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Finding out you’re trans later in life is like watching a movie littered with spoilers for the ending but you don’t realize it til you get to the end look back.

essell, (edited )

M Night Shyandaman - “I’m a guy now! What a twist!”

(I know this is a transfem space, no offence meant, the pun works this way around)

lady_scarecrow,
@lady_scarecrow@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Also, the fact that I went “I wonder what would happen if I were a girl” instead of “I wonder what would happen if he wasn’t straight” is quite telling

themoonisacheese,
@themoonisacheese@sh.itjust.works avatar

Same with autism.

As far back as I remember, I had a nagging sense that I could be secretly mentally challenged and nobody ever told me. Of course it’s not quite true, and I recognized that it was irrational.

Now that I know I am autistic, and have the words to describe it: I simply had the very common autistic thought that something was wrong with me and that I didn’t fit in society.

If you’ll allow me to vent for second:

When I was 11 my mother got me assessed for being a “gifted kid” (at least here it seems to be an actual diagnosis you can get to help for school accomodations). I shit you not the assessor heard a 11 years old boy who she’d just shown a Rorschach test go “I don’t see anything, it’s just ink on paper” and she diligently checked the “nope, not autistic” box. I’m still fuming.

Blahaj_Blast,
@Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

I had a similar childhood knowing I was different somehow but I don’t think any adults around me would have even considered autism as a possibility when and where I grew up. I think even now they probably have the mindset of “no you’re not the stereotypical depiction of a high needs autistic person” 🙄

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