Yeah, I felt this way when I was 32. Felt like the realization that I was trans just slapped me in the face and I knew I’d regret not doing it but also so very terrified. I kept looking at r/transtimelines and seeing the dead looks in most of the before pictures and seeing how they lit up after. I also read some advice somewhere that every step along the way is reversible, up to a point. You can go see a therapist that deals with gender questions. You can go see an endocrinologist. You can walk out of there with a prescription, but you don’t have to fill it. You can get it filled, but you don’t have to take it. You can take it but you don’t have to keep taking it. You won’t notice anything for a month or so, so you can feel it out and see what you think.
What really helped me was going to the nearest accepting city (Asheville, NC) and just living the entire visit as my chosen gender. We stayed on a skoolie with a hot tub outside and it was a wonderful trip. I also got all dressed up and spent the day in my hammock on mushrooms and did a lot of soul searching. Everytime I asked myself if I was happy with what I was doing, I felt like I was hugging myself back with gratitude for finally letting Eliza have a chance. That feeling has stuck with me ever since.
And yeah, I started at 33, you’re not running out of time. I do wish I realized earlier, but you only get one shot at this life thing and you might as well start living for yourself today.