Firstly, I have ADHD, and have lived with it for 40 years.
You’re looking at it on a different scale than they are. You are looking internally, while they are talking about external social pressures which force you to accept that there is no alternative to trying to be the triangle in the square hole (which conveniently comes with extra fees and stress.) Our inability to regulate dopamine is an issue exacerbated by the environment we exist within. The simple short is we’re fucking bored, we need a partner/hypeman/twin to bypass chemical shortcomings, and NTs can’t relate so they don’t care enough to make changes, which is unfortunate because they’re in charge, usually.
You are not an island. There absolutely are environmental changes to be made. A good start would be a supportive partner who understands and doesn’t judge you for your inability to make the brain chemicals happen as expected. This means they’re not hounding you over things they find more urgent than you do, they’re not holding you to unrealistic expectations, and maybe they don’t even mind cooking for you.
That is still hindered by the social connotation of being “disordered” making everything more difficult because you’re different. Going out on a limb and assuming relationships have been difficult for you as well? Same root problem, that still isn’t you or ADHD but other people’s perceptions of you as a result of your ADHD and their lack of understanding.
Have you ever had the opportunity to live your life for a week or a month without alarms, without a schedule, without someone telling you what you should be doing or when? Just what you want?
I recognize that’s a lot, and most couldn’t afford to entertain the idea but that’s kinda what they’re talking about with environmental changes - people can’t afford to not conform to unnatural/arbitrary schedules and routines.
You might be fascinated by what will happen. My sleep schedule regulated to 7-8 hours, granted it was offset by about 14 hours from everyone else’s schedules - but for the first time ever, I had regular sleep patterns. What followed was a burst of energy, creative output, excitement for the future and a somewhat on-demand hyperfocus state.
Something as simple as having the opportunity to just let my body dictate it’s own schedule allowed my brain to focus during my actual peak hours that have always been wasted on exhaustedly trying to sleep prior. Feeling like the things I’m doing are making meaningful and exciting progress made it easy to stay interested, fueling the next days hyperfocus. And it all fueled a 6 month streak of 15-18 hours a day working on something I cared about.
Sounds a lot more like making life easier, just wish it didn’t come with the additional challenge of getting to stores while they’re open. Your grumpiness over being woken by alarms, while a functional tool, is a direct result of you being in a position where you have to force yourself to fit a schedule against your body’s natural cycle. How do you think that undercurrent of frustration manifests throughout the day?
We aren’t lazy and although we produce lower quantities, it doesn’t mean we’re incapable. We just have to have environmental conditions met (rested, not stressed, active during your peak hours, not being interrupted, and being supported by others to make executive shortcomings a non-issue.) while facing an idea or thought we find meaningful/fascinating/novel, whatever. Our motivations are outcome based, so every layer of stress sabotages our ability to envision a successful execution - we just do that evaluation before we’ve even started or recognized our stress levels. That becomes even more of a challenge when you’re forced to accept arbitrary work for mere survival. I get it.
I know underlying stress is what sets off my need to problem solve and jump tasks until I find the solution to the stress - but the moment I eliminated that contributing factor I was able to align with my brain again with some other mitigating techniques, rituals, and acceptance that while I could invoke hyperfocus ( I still don’t get to choose what gets it, at least not directly.) But I can actually function in the way I’m supposed to for once.