I really want to throw out a bunch of my old boy clothes but I’m not nearly comfortable enough with my body yet, and not comfortable enough to go shopping for girlie things. It’s leaving me feeling stuck in between versions of myself and unable to move forward.
It doesn’t help that my birthday is this week and I am feeling like I am just way too old and flabby for fashion to even make a difference.
You got this Amelia! And happy birthday darling! My birthday was last week so I think that makes us pisces sisters ❤️
I’m still working on my wardrobe as well. I’ve found leaning into a more androgenous look with colors that work for me skin tone has helped me feel feminine without needing to worry too much about full on women’s fashion at the moment. Maybe that could help?
Also, cardigans are amazing! Can femme up basically any outfit :)
I had dinner with a couple of old close friends. I wasn’t ready to tell them about me yet. The whole dinner just felt weird not being able to talk about it.
I didn’t know how to act: myself or pretend and I felt a bit sick going back and forward between them. It was good to see my friends but the whole thing was just exhausting.
I feel that! That exhaustion and constant balance of “should I act like my old self or be my true self” ended up being too much for me. So I ripped the band-aid off and told everyone important to me in my life because I just really needed to be myself 100% of the time. Regardless of how others felt.
The only place I haven’t yet is work, but that’s a bit more tricky working in such a male dominated field :/
Just know you aren’t alone and you can come out as quick or as slow as you need to! ❤️ Focus on self care and being yourself while you have to manage the juggling between worlds
Look forward to being able to rip that bandaid off someday myself. Male dominated field (gov IT) AND work directly adjacent to a parent. Shits awkward AF. And that weird awkward feeling/desire(?) somebody will find out anyway and not having to rip it off myself.
Until then, chipping away at egg. sheared Shaved legs yesterday and marveled at an array of freckles I have never really noticed before. Might actually use the insurance I’ve been paying for for years for the first time, actually deal with ADHD I haven’t been medicated for in 16 years
Congrats! Shaving my legs felt like a milestone for me. I went all the way and shaved everything from my head to toe and then took a picture of all the gross hair in my bathtub. Lol, felt like I was actively shedding defenses and barriers I had put up to protect myself. I felt more fragile but so much more alive if that makes sense.
Working so close to a parent must be super awkward… I can’t imagine, but I hope they have given signs they would be supportive ❤️
For me, I got to a point where I almost felt kind of trapped by my family and friends holding onto an old idea of who I am. So coming out was both very nerve wracking but relieving. But it definitely can hurt. I’ve lost people because of it and I grieve the loss of people I thought loved me regardless of their own beliefs. But it’s better to not have people like that in my life.
We, as trans people get to choose who our family is. So surround yourself with those that love you for you! ❤️❤️
Thanks! Yeah, no clue on how supportive this parent might be, they keep things close to the chest with a tendency to make uncomfortable jokes, used to be worse but they’ve improved over time (other parent prooobably would be supportive, and generally keeps this parent in check on some matters). On the bright side I’m already no-contact with grandparents in general for other reasons so not a lot of family to care about there!
I should have taken pictures of the hair… I’ve been chipping away for days and just said fuck it yesterday and did the rest from butt to toes 😅
Mostly still in this job because it gives me a great opportunity to develop a wide skillset, would like to move away eventually. Getting a bit tired of politics making me guess if I’m still going to get paid…
I feel the same way about work. I’m a graphic/web designer that’s working on the financial sector (think wolf of Wall Street and you have a good idea of the guys I work with) but luckily I’m fully remote so I don’t have many in person interactions if at all. But eventually I’m going to have to tell them at some point and I just have no clue how well that would work…
Enjoy the soft skin while you can! It might not last very long… But I find it’s worth it if I need a boost of euphoria. Plus I’ve been using an IPL which has dramatically slowed my hair growth and I’m hoping will get me to smooth skin on a semi permanent basis.
That sounds really shitty to have to deal with. Don’t forget to be kind to yourself and practice self care. It’ll get worse before it gets better, but it will get better. Hug
This week wasn’t the best. My mom came to visit and I fought a lot with her over her refusal to use my pronouns. Also had to quit a medication I was taking and was dealing with the shit withdrawals…sigh.
I’m sorry to hear that dude. I’ve been fighting on and off with my parents about the same thing. It’s unfair, and an emotional burden you don’t deserve.
Not too bad. Did my injection yesterday which was a highlight. Looking forward to laser hair removal this week! Plus went snowboarding, which was nice. Overall a good week except are and drank too much. Back to dieting this next eeek. :x how was yours?
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