[read as a cross between an 80s used car dealership and a monster truck rally advert]
[vague synth line and tremolo disco pew pew drums]
Attention all you fabulous consumers here for that twitter replacement. Do you miss your boot licking racist anti vaxxer uncle on Truth? Do you miss your racist transphobe parents and fascist in-laws on facebook? Do you miss your data being sold to engorge good old fashioned entrepreneurial corporations who are people too? Are there just not enough clout chasing influencer talking heads of Massoc for you to idolise and infinitely quote toot content swipe???
Well.... Meta in association with Maston Inc are excited to bring you the most vapid, one way fire hose, worst engagement ratio you have EVER seen!
[star wipe to explosions and fireworks]
Meta's Mastodon - Fedi2 Gargamel's Boogaloo!
[star wipe]
If you come from a big Mastodon instance like mastodon social you have most likely never experienced or heard of the fediverse or fediquette. Good, forget those anti growth weirdos! You will have never experience a loving, useful, supportive and meaningful local feed. Well chuck that socialist crap out the window! Now with Meta's Mastodon you will never even be able to load 2 seconds worth of the local timeline or .002 seconds worth of the corporate allies feed. How will we do it you ask? volume Volume VOLUME BABY!
{star wipe]
Coming soon!... but in the meantime you can show your support with awesome phrases like:
"Mastodon needs to grow"
and
"I think we should give Meta a chance you have no idea what they are going to do"
and
"Mastodon is 3% fat free"
or best of all
"You are just using words as 'violence' claiming Meta has ever harmed anyone, your facts are just opinions so respect mine"
[drum laser tom roll]
[star wipe]
So come on bros and content creators. Grow your following with Meta's Mastodon!
[star wipe]
BE THERE!!!
[very small print that Meta can re-use, share and sell all your content and usage]