"We were supposed to research #enshittification, not embrace it as a business model!" implored the DVC Research.
The Vice-Chancellor sighed audibly and exhaled.
"We're out of options."
She raised her hands, palms up, reminiscent of prayer.
"The research grants don't cover the research we do, much less the research we want to do.
International students have declined 20% year on year since India, China and Indonesia have on-shore partnerships with Deakin and Monash that still get the grads a permanent residency.
We have PhDs teaching most of the undergrad courses. The endowment took a major hit when the stock market crashed in '25.
Federation's gone bust, Adelaide's half the size it was before the merger, and you've seen CQ merge with SCU and James Cook and Charles Darwin just to be viable."
She took a sharp inhalation of burnt autumn air.
"It's tens of millions a year in recurring revenue. That's a School's worth of people."