Fudoshin

Fudoshin, 4 months ago

I went to a food bank today for the first time in my life. I didn’t expect much, it’s charity after-all.

They gave me 2 big carrier bags - I couldn’t stop thanking them and carted them home.

When I opened them at home I noticed chocolate. I cried…cos I hadn’t even thought of buying myself chocolate in months cos it seemed so frivolous. But they put some chocolate in. It was so kind. 🥲

There’s so much suffering out there. It can happen to anyone. I founded and ran two companies in my 20s. High flying career and was making £50 at my last job in tech.

All fell apart 2 years ago. Been struggling to piece my life together ever since.

Please be kind to each other.

Fudoshin, 4 months ago

Her planes transponder is public information.

Fudoshin, 3 months ago

In the UK a lot of people stubbornly believe the unemployed live lives of luxury*. Not helped by reality TV shows just a decade ago like Benefits Street which showed people on social security living it large.

In reality the vast majority of people want to work.

E.g. 3 years ago I lost 2 jobs in 6 months during their respective probation periods. I’d been employed all my life and helped launch 2 successful companies in my 20s. But suddenly in 6 months my entire world view collapsed after losing two jobs.

Since then I’ve attempted suicide 4 times. Had 3 psychotic episodes. Self harmed and been convicted of a crime I don’t even remember committing.

My probation officer has known me 3 months and is already pressuring me to start work.

Have I had help for my mental health? Have I fuck. Well, except being stuck on antidepressants that don’t work. My psychosis has stopped but could start again when I’m under stress (paranoia & hearing voices).

But wait. What caused such a significant spiral? Losing my fucking job - twice!

But I’m being pushed by society and a probation officer to restart work with no mental health support or treatment. I’m being pressured into something that runs the risk of me losing the job and once again spiralling into substance abuse and suicide.

That isn’t fair on the company I may eventually end up at or…and I feel guilty for saying it…me.

I feel guilty every fucking day for being on ‘benefits’. I’ve been almost a complete shut in with no friends or family. I’m utterly fucked.

I want to work. I’d actually love to work in an office cos I wanna be around people again even though my options enable WFH. But it runs the risk of killing me via another psychotic break and no one is helping me except a 3 month waiting list for therapy.

*The UK has the worst benefits in the OECD.

Fudoshin, 3 months ago

Sounds like the average lemmy.ml user. Very quick to criticise the west. Completely ‘objective’ when discussing China.

Fudoshin, 3 months ago

Trailer: youtu.be/_jBYkjBF8Zw

Fudoshin, 4 months ago

Sounds very manly.

Fudoshin, 3 months ago

Obsidian + private GitHub repo hosting

Fudoshin, 4 months ago

Don’t do meth.

Causes your eyes to degrade.