jessica

jessica, 11 days ago to random

top 5 therapy session today and a lot of strugglebus suddenly makes all the sense in the world

jessica, 12 days ago to random

I’ve been strongly advised to avoid stressors and triggers for now, which makes reading any of the timelines super difficult right now since I have zero filters and only a hazy recollection of who posts what.

I also have zero energy right now, so composing all the filters and lists I would need is equally tough.

I’d love to chat with pals but at least for now, [at] me if you want to engage as that lets me just click on mentions and bypass the feeds. 😘

jessica, 15 days ago to random

hello~

How’s everyone doing? Anybody doing anything fun this weekend?

I’ve been trying to cope with cicada season so I’m going to stay inside this weekend and chill out away from those awful things.

Hope everyone is swell 😘

jessica, 17 days ago to random

anyhoo, my challenges aside, how are pals? It’s been a minute.

jessica, 17 days ago to random

I’m not sure what I’m really going to do here on fedi these days.

There are many surreal things that come with the DID spectrum.

Truth is the people that know me on fedi really know that entity that was driving so to speak before 6-8 weeks ago.

Truth is beyond a body, I share so little with that person.

I don’t listen to music and I don’t play music. I mostly just watch tv and read and sometimes play video games. I’m hard femme as well.

This isn’t good or bad it’s just different.

jessica, 26 days ago to random

yo

Things are pretty swell though different these days for me

I’m sort of trying to figure things out and determine what is relevant for me in terms of preferences and likes and dislikes and self-discovery in general

Bipolar hasn’t been an issue lately which is p awesome and this is with less medicine than had been used prior

I am going to slowly try and ease back in to fedi, as I’ve missed my mutuals.

I do hope you all have been great. 💜

jessica, 1 month ago to random

hi ❤️

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Not on social media much while I get my bearings. Everything is super swell personally tho

jessica, 2 months ago to random

The big tl;dr is pinned, but the tiny tl;dr

I’ve been aware of competing “voices” since at least 2012. No I’m not schizophrenic. Yes, I’ve asked repeatedly as of late.

The three primary consciousnesses are mine, the woman before me, and the child before her. Obviously a lineage created from trauma and severe dissociation.

Lately I had the body’s hormonal profile redone to be much more neutral in nature, thinking my happiness was the key to stability.

That was wrong. (Cont’d)

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Five days removed from being taken off that med, movements seem to be mostly back to normal and I can mostly talk fine again.

That said, my lips are fucked up, my teeth are very fucked up, my tongue is a disaster of cuts and sores, and my jaw hurts like hell.

But I can talk.

I’m optimistic I dodged a major bullet there.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

good morning

jessica, 2 months ago to random

It’s been one crisis after another this week and my aunt decided now was the perfect time to scream at me over things I had no part in.

Now I’m flashing back as hard as ever and teetering on full shutdown.

There are no safe spaces for me.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

I’m feeling a very specific-to-me dysphoria today.

I don’t think I can articulate it in a way that others would understand and find convenient.

So I’m not going to try, but it is eating me alive.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Caseworker and trauma therapy appointments this morning.

Today feels like it will be fateful.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Good night.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Not doing well at all this morning but still want to say ‘good morning.’

jessica, 2 months ago to random

I’m old. I don’t know how to make IRL friends.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Help I’ve been listening to remixes of Mega Man (NES) songs all morning.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Good morning.

I’d like to say that I understood what the fuck is going on.

But I don’t.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Slept for an hour and things feel less fucked up (subject to change)

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Really struggling.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

The aspect of lies is a shapeshifter.

It takes forms familiar to me and says things I don’t want to hear but that I readily believe.

I’m weakened from exhaustion and it knows this.

If the beast poses an existential threat to my life, then the liar poses the same to my soul.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

I am exhausted from a week of intense meditation.

And, the exile part of lies is taking advantage of the break in my defenses.

It tells me that those I care about are distancing, unable to “cope” with my realizations.

And I can’t help but believe these whispers.

I need sleep.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

To live authentically, cost be damned.

Easier said than done.

jessica, 2 months ago to random

Hmm, might have hit a roadblock.