@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks
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jessica

@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks

she/her. CPTSD haver. Transgender (AMAB), bipolar 1 as fuck, dissociative (#plural) as fuck, metal and industrial musician.

No masters; defy what denies you.

I’m the cool, refreshing, lemon-lime anarchist relative your mom said died twenty years ago.

The Void does not fuck around.

My #VoidConspiracy band account: @jessica

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HauntedOwlbear, to random
@HauntedOwlbear@eldritch.cafe avatar

@jessica here is your postcard!

It's some religious syncretism! This cave complex has been used for worship, ritual and even burial since neolithic times.

It's currently a site used by folk orthodoxy practitioners. Both we and they had to break in as it's fenced off by nearby building works. This is where votive candles are placed.

Wish you were here!

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@HauntedOwlbear

I love this! 💜

I can feel the energy pour through the image and can only imagine what the site itself must have been like~

I hope your trip was fantastic in all ways 🙂

😘

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

hi ❤️

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@juggles yoyoyo

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@brhfl hihi, been working through a bunch of psychological stuff and back on the femme side of the DID clown car I sometimes drive~

How are you?

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

Not on social media much while I get my bearings. Everything is super swell personally tho

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@HauntedOwlbear

😘

I’m doing well I think? Uh, Jessica is fronting now and I’m like 57% confused as to what is going on but things feel mostly alright.

I hope you have a fantastic trip, we haven’t forgotten you ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

good morning~

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

not even going to try and explain what’s going on, but it’s good

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

good morning

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

No real updates, keeping low and subverting normality

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

good morning

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

The big tl;dr is pinned, but the tiny tl;dr

I’ve been aware of competing “voices” since at least 2012. No I’m not schizophrenic. Yes, I’ve asked repeatedly as of late.

The three primary consciousnesses are mine, the woman before me, and the child before her. Obviously a lineage created from trauma and severe dissociation.

Lately I had the body’s hormonal profile redone to be much more neutral in nature, thinking my happiness was the key to stability.

That was wrong. (Cont’d)

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

The woman’s presence was always the stabilizing factor over the years I’ve been around. And I upset her greatly by choking off the estrogen/progesterone supply a few months back, which coincidentally (or not) lined up with a fuckton of instability since. I know this because the number of flashbacks specific to her trauma increased greatly.

Tomorrow after the tardive dyskinesia mess is evaluated, I’m going to ask the doctor if he can restore the profile of 2011, the last year I had injectables

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

My hypothesis is that the system will be much more at peace if she is at peace.

What I do not know, and this is a very interesting possibility, is who takes charge of the system if such a thing is done.

I’m honestly tired from the past fifteen years. I’m willing to roll the bones.

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

I need to go get smokes but then I will drop the veil and be crystal clear about where I think the story heads from here.

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

From what I remember only three or four followers have any idea what my reality is like.

It’s going to get wilder.

I told others I wasn’t going rogue, but gonna see if my doc will buy in to the biggest gamble yet.

I’ve been mostly right so far. I think I’m right this time too.

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

Meeting with my doc tomorrow to see how bad TDs fucked up my mouth as well as to discuss adjusting hormones again

wheee

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

315a in the morning. I’ve got a cigarette in this scarred mouth of mine and I’m trying my hardest not to ponder too heavily the next challenge me and mine face.

But that conundrum still enters the mind.

Therapy needs to get here already.

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

yo~

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

Five days removed from being taken off that med, movements seem to be mostly back to normal and I can mostly talk fine again.

That said, my lips are fucked up, my teeth are very fucked up, my tongue is a disaster of cuts and sores, and my jaw hurts like hell.

But I can talk.

I’m optimistic I dodged a major bullet there.

jessica,
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@Beatlesandworms

I was so scared :(

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@Beatlesandworms

awwww, that means a lot; thank you!

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

good morning

jessica,
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

@derthomas

I’ve gone back and listened to Invincible Shield a lot this week while shit has been rough.

Even in the worst of times, heavy music is a beacon in a stormy sea.

🤘

jessica, to random
@jessica@mastodon.heavymusic.rocks avatar

For those that missed the follower-only post a day or two ago:

Last weekend I developed tardive dyskinesia in my mouth and adjacent areas. I went into psychosis from the [everything]

Returned to reality yesterday at some point and yeah, still all fucked up in the face and mouth, but we’ll see what happens.

Hi.

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