@reallybigfoot@ohai.social
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reallybigfoot

@reallybigfoot@ohai.social

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reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I just installed a second head on my shoulder. If I'm attacked, I'll just yell "OVER HERE!", and still live.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I have no neck. Instead, I have sphincter at the back of my mouth called a "face anus".

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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If Matt can quantify how many maybes equals a probably, he just needs to get that many liars in one room and ask if they've ever seen a Sasquatch. Boom. Proved. Probably.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Sasquatches haven't invented the word "AND" yet. If we wanna say "AND", we have to improvise a solution. Like instead of saying "MATT AND CLIFF", we might say "MATTCLIFF" and shake our heads a lot like "that's not right" then maybe shake a stick to clarify "AND".

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I've seen thousands of living owls, but never an owl corpse. Do owls exist?

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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When Sasquatches want to PAR-TAY, they take their costume arms off and wave them in the air like they just don't care. Same with our heads.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Whenever I find a corpse, I install the best organs in my fake, no good body. At first, it seemed a little gross, but now I just feel like a really well made fake man-ape freak Frankenstein, which is really not that bad, if you think about it.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I don't believe dogs will take over the world. They did invent that thing where they shake water off of them, but I don't necessarily think that means they will take over the world.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Sasquatches got very uppity and willy-nilly in the 70s. That's what being on the Six Million Dollar Man does to you.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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When Sasquatches discuss Matt Moneymaker we end all of our sentences with "PRAISE BE" or "CAN I GET AN AMEN?" and such. Respect.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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My body is upholstered - I mean covered - in fur - I mean hair.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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There are deer tracks in the mud. I was going to follow them, but for all I know, they're fake. F that.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I hit on them. Big time. With my fist is what I'm saying. On their heads. They're dead. They are the deadest things that ever died. Squirrels are traumatized.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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A wolfpack is eating a Fozzie Bear alive. His "WAKA WAKA" screams are annoying.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I have no neck and my swallow reflex only kicks in if a horse-head sized hunk of flesh starts to choke me. I can't swallow water is what I'm saying. I have to snort water. BEING A FREAK SUCKS.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Two grizzlies are snapping their paws and moving in synchronous hip-gyrating ways. Now they're shimmying around me in a very show-offy way. What in the name of clown farts is going on?

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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If the human in the forest looks dumb, like if he is wearing a t-shirt with giant tiger head, and the tiger head is all cross-eyed or something, I just hide willy-nilly. Who cares what this guy thinks?

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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One time, I was going to go left and I was like "MAYBE NOT" so I went right. I didn't get found. It's things like this that make life epic.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Maybe the best evidence that I exist is that I hate myself.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I feel bad that Ranae was never convinced that I exist. One of us is an epic failure.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I just almost sensed how close almost came to practically finding me that one time when I almost walked into a clearing and Matt just about sensed something squatchy. Ranae would have nearly believed Matt's story had I walked into that clearing. I gotta sit down.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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I wish I was smart enough to build a robot panda. Not for weird, pervert reasons. For normal sex fantasy reasons between a freak and a panda.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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Frankenstein is fighting Gorn to the death. I have my doubts that Frankenstein will be able to figure out controlled projectile explosives while Gorn is bashing him in the head like this.

reallybigfoot, to bigfoot
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It's seems like whenever I watch humans torture a dead pig with fire I smell something delicious. Maybe I'm a pig pervert of some kind.

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