Something occurred to me earlier, and it’s twisted my melon, but in a good way.
I was diagnosed with #ADHD in 2019, and have been on medication since. I have a huge problem with imposter syndrome, that somehow I tricked a professional into giving me speed. It’s not as bad as it used to be, but there are still some things that eat away at me a little.
I have no baseline for this, no understanding of how it feels to be neurotypical. I’ve always had ADHD, so my experience is through that filter. I just didn’t realise any of this for my first 39 years.
And I’ll tell you what, it’s quite the revelation.
These toots brought to you by a 40mg Elvanse at 5:30am, and a 5mg dexamphetamine top up at 12:30, followed by me stomping home from work, emptying the cats’ litter trays, hanging up the washing I set going this morning, and having a shower, all within 45 minutes.
@DJDarren we were playing life on Nightmare difficulty before. We are just levelling the playing field somewhat now, because society (and the world in general) is set up for us to fail.
Particularly that no one picked up on this shit when I was at school, and college, and then when I went to uni at 27 and only got a 2:1 because of my ability to cram like fuck the day or two before a deadline.
I'm genuinely super interested in this. I had my psych interview last week and they've given me my preliminary diagnosis. I don't really know what this means because I was so overwhelmed I sort of short-circuited. I didn't plan for the eventuality they'd say it was ADHD and thought I was probably just being a twat. But they said not only unquestionably ADHD but almost certainly ASD aswell and they've leant heavily into that with some follow up stuff. I then had to have another interview with another team and am now waiting for the next step. As I said to them, I wasn't really seeking medication - more just an answer to what's going on with me and why I'm so weird and broken inside. So you can imagine it hit me like a tidal wave. But I'm not not interested in the medication. I worry though when I hear people get used to it and I worry that I'd abuse anything I saw as potentially recreational. But the thought there is a magic pill that could refocus my mind (which is mostly like one of those small bouncy balls in a wind tunnel) is extraordinarily attractive. How have you found it, generally? Has it had a positive impact on your life? Do you find with the hyper moments that you can concentrate? Tell me to get lost if you want and I won't be offended but if you don't mind talking about it I'd love to know.
@TheBreadmonkey Oh man, that’s some pretty big revelations you’re dealing with there, and you have my empathy.
It’s important to remember that you’re the same person that you’ve always been. Nothing has changed about your brain, but you now have access to an instruction manual that might be able to help you traverse your days. And that’s pretty cool, right?
@TheBreadmonkey As far as the meds go; they have unquestionably helped me.
In the past 4.5 years I’ve gone from floating along as a mostly disgruntled welder who couldn’t make it in radio to having spent the past two years working in quality and health and safety management, to having just sat my exams for a big H&S management qualification.
How much of that is purely down to the pills is impossible to say, but I’m in a much better place now than I was then.
You sound exactly like me just after I got my diagnosis at the end of 2022. I have combined ADHD - so both ADHD (hyperactive) and ADHD (inattentive)
Just having a diagnosis helped, and though I was still a little convinced that I'd just tricked the psych it also helped me reframe some big moments in my life that I thought we just my crapness.
The meds are interesting, the 1st time I took a stimulant I just could not keep my eyes open!
@TheBreadmonkey
Taking the meds doesn't miraculously mean I have executive function like a NT, but does make it easier to pull myself back to what I'm doing.
I'm on short acting meds, as I found that with the others I had no control over what I focused on. Whatever I was doing when it hit my system was what I was doing for the day.
I had worries about misuse, but honestly they just put me at a different baseline and don't give me a high, much like coffee doesn't give me a buzz. @DJDarren
@PetraPhoenix I’m on extended release, and have worked out that if I take one while I’m making my breakfast it’ll usually start kicking in while I’m walking to work. As a result, it wakes me up a bit and gets my brain thinking about what I need to be doing. And sometimes it works… 😄 @TheBreadmonkey
I had a few times where I got stuck doing one thing when I had deadlines for something else. I spent a day baking when I had an important study deadline imminent for example! Tasty, but not helpful!
@TheBreadmonkey
Yeah, there's a shortage of some ADHD meds at the moment. I don't know the details as mine aren't affected. @DJDarren do you know more?
@PetraPhoenix@TheBreadmonkey Yeah, basically there’s only one company that has the trademark for Elvanse, and they done fucked up. So there are now ADHDers across the globe who are having to phone around all the pharmacies in their area trying to find the medications they need.
Trouble is, it’s had a knock-on effect to other medications, because people who can’t get their Elvanse are being prescribed different ones, increasing the demand on them.
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