@Dani I was going to say: trauma such as this actually contributes to hatching. I know I went into a very dark place and a major dysphoria cycle when it happened. Was angry and snarly all the time; put on a lot of weight (which added to the dysphoria and therefore, rage), started to be insomniac etc. Heck, I took up therapy partially to tackle dysphoria, but ended up speaking exclusively about the kid. Didn’t realise I had so many bottled up emotions. That notion of it getting worse… that was exactly how it was for me.
Closure for me is being in a state where I can talk about it all whilst being nominally functional and not get into rage or sadness without a bottom. I’m sad when I think of him, but I’m not sadder than before. Took me a long time to reach here, and with professional help.