Ha. Turns out my incoherent rant about #systemd actually got a response from Lennart Poettering, which I didn't see because he's on mastodon.social.
not that it helped because he went all "that's not a systemd issue"
(sure it isn't but as I mentioned I actually solved the issue with the variables. The issue now is that the stuff still doesn't actually start because... what was it this time? It closed with an exit code? The reset counter is too high? Or something about the wrong folder?)
