PhD #trans girl! She/Her, thing explainer and technical writing scholar interested in trans usability studies and design theory. Gender questioning folks are very welcome to message me! ⚢ Married. Opinions mine.
A new study found that autistic folks (well, mice models) develop PTSD brain structures significantly more eaaily than ballistic ones. That even comparatively minor stressors of the right type can cause this.
Okay, I'm doing one of those anonymous AMA thingies! I'm using Google Forms instead of that one app, but it's still 100% anonymous, and I'll be checking and posting replies over the course of the day.
"Same person who asked about collage, as someone who is reliant on a mostly unsupportive parent for financial reasons in collage, how would I about transitioning without getting their attention, especially if one is on the same insurance as them?"
Okay, it's time to learn Operational Security 101.
Rules:
Everything that leaves a paper trail either has a more likely alternate explanation OR physically cannot go beyond you.
--gets to know everything.
3. Information will leak out eventually, no matter what you do. Have contingencies ready.
4. Build an emergency reserve/support system/go bag.
What this means in practice:
You're gonna get your clothes and prosthetics, as appropriate, from your schools LGBT+ Center. Anything else comes cash from thrifting or a personal Amazon, disconnected from your family.
If you want to do medical transition, find a nearby provider who's a normal care doc. Tell your parents--
--that you're establishing a local doctor for regular checkups like you're supposed to get, and later, if they ask, tell them that the doc does blood panels and stuff for all their new patients. They'll be fully covered and won't cost your family anything.
Send any prescriptions to Amazon Pharmacy. You'll be paying for your hrt in CASH, no insurance. For feminizing HRT, this'll be like $5-7/month, retail. For masculinizing, it'll cost more, unfortunately, and there's no way around that.--
Build a friend network. Work towards either moving out of the dorms and as roommates with a queer friend or to be an RA, so your dorm costs are waived.
Get a job. Stash what money away that you can. If you go on hrt, it will only be a matter of time before your family figures out that you're transitioning, no matter what you do.
Make sure your friends know that no pics of you can ever go on social media, and you are never to be discussed publicly--
--and why. Your queer friends will 100% get it. Someone will likely be a jerk or mess up anyway. Try to not be too mad at them if it was an honest mistake.
Make sure the university never has a record of you being trans. It'll mean you get dead named all the time. That's the price, sadly, of privacy.
Never sign paperwork giving your parents access to your educational records or financial aid accounts. If their name is on your checking account, open a new one that's only for you on your 18th--
--birthday. Never even let them know what bank your with. Use a local credit union if you can. People always forget they even exist.
Know how to get a new phone account in your name. If you have to, never give your family your new number.
Get your vital documents: social security, passport, birth certificate.
You're building your independence here. You need, in short, to be completely ready to cut ties with them as soon as you can, and to maintain that reserve.
"I really hate how constrained I feel by my AGAB. I don't mean I wish I was cis or anything, I don't think I could ever really be cis, but wow thing would have been so much easier if that was flipped? I'd feel so much freer. Less in my head about trying to make friends. "
I hear this sentiment a lot, believe it or not.
And I don't actually think it's usually about wanting to be cis. I think it's about trauma.
Look at the last sentence, friend. That's the stinger, the--
--real sentiment. It's not your gender--though your gender is the raw spot where you're feeling the pain right now--it's a desire to feel at ease and at home among people. That is a sense of not belonging, of not being enough.
And that pretty much always comes from being told, explicitly or implicity, that you weren't enough.
Heal the trauma, not the symptom. Pay attention to the symptoms for sure, but trace them to the trauma.
"I would ask a follow up to the ace/demisexual question: do or did you experience grief for the loss of physical attraction to others? Without ever being unfaithful (or entertaining the idea beyond fantasy) I relished perceiving and recognizing sexiness (I need a better word). It was like the difference between black and white and color. Stereo and transistor. And it's gone now. I am happier now, but I really hope this comes back.--
--This might be too deep a personal question, and I understand if it is."
I didn't experience my ace realization that way, so. I didn't feel that way. For me, it was understanding that what I'd always felt was gender envy. And thing is? I like gender envy. A lot. It tells me who and what I want to be. So, to draw your analogy forward, for me it was like switching from a CRT TV to an HD LED TV. Same image, but soooo much more detail.
"How does ADHD react to MtF HRT in Transfemmes, does it help it out at all?"
That's a good damn question, and there is zero research. The only responsible answer is "I don't know and neither does anyone else. Someone should look into that."
