PixysJourney

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 148 , Sunday 24/03/2024

Up around 6:30 I spend a decent chunk of time reading until Mrs S. woke up.

We had a quite relaxed day, chilling out, watching movies & generally slobbing out.

Had some good times on Mastodon today, I have such wonderful friends on here!

My feet are sore, something I suspect I need to get used to so we will say no more about it.

Final Thoughts.

Sometimes quiet days help keep us sane.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 147 , Saturday 23/03/2024

TL:DR Celebrating Mrs S.’s birthday, & finding out my tootsies are buggered for a while!

Got a lay in this morning , Mrs S. has circled Sol once more & so is on a holiday.

We lazed te morning away & then went to one of our favourite locations for lunch. The trip is a scenic one thru hills & valleys & even the intermittent bad weather struggled to have an impact on the beauty of the countryside we drove thru.

The meal we had for lunch was delicious - Roast pork with veg & all the trimmings !
A gentle perusal thru the attached farm shop resulted in many treats to see us thru the next few days !

We movied the afternoon & evening away, first ‘Ghostbusters:Afterlife’ & then ‘The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes ’.

We ate too much & drank a bit too much & the evening went swimmingly 😊

In other news - the pain in my feet seems to be plantar fasciitis , in both feet.
I seem to (literally in this case) limp from one health issue to another, whilst it is nowhere like as bad as the chronic pain others suffer & live through day by day , the seemingly endless drain on my physical & emotional & mental resources is beginning to tell & I am turning into someone I no longer recognise.

Final Thoughts.

Why does every good thing have to have a counterpoint!
Hey ho , life goes on .

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 146 , Friday 22/03/2024

TL:DR Up early, walkies done, pressies wrapped, ESO played! ASD slowly being understood.

Up at 6:30am despite herself being on holiday, I had hoped for a bit more of a lay in.

I was on my own for most of the day as herself was out with her Mum.

Went for a walk - I’m paying for it now my foot is killing me! Walk in the morning, limp the rest of the day !

Took the opportunity to wrap pressies for Mrs S. I thought that might be classy it being her birthday tomorrow and all .

I managed to get a couple of hours on ESO before herself got home, tweaking the new spec on my character, I’d be good at this if only I could stop dying !

On a ‘Silent Witness’ fest , we’re on series 26 so can’t be too many left !

Final Thoughts.

Slowly coming to grips with the official diagnosis, some of the findings are a little mind bending , at least I can now say for certain - I officially don’t understand people.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 145 , Thursday 21/03/2024

TL:DR An average day with a nice meal chucked in this evening for good measure!

Today has been an average day, did the usual things, got triggered by the usual things , hid away a little bit more.

We went out for tea , our new fave eatery does a ‘steak night’ on a Thursday & herself fancied it as a pre-birthday treat.

It was delicious !
Just a simple , but generous, sirloin steak with chips, a big field mushroom , a grilled tomato & a creamy peppercorn sauce ! YUM !

I’m not saying that I enjoyed it , but that plate had a pattern on it when I started!

We got back home for 8:30pm & , even though she’s off tomorrow , she vanishes upstairs & deserts me.
ESO beckons.

Final Thoughts.

I wonder if this whole weight management thing is worth it - perhaps I should enjoy all that the culinary world has to offer & accept the consequences, millions of others do after all, & all trying to fight it is doing is making me more miserable.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 144 , Wednesday 20/03/2024

TL:DR My hermit like tendencies are creeping back ; Yay for a clean coffee machine ; Who knew I was an anti-social git with all the subtly of a brick 😆 ;Will I ever forgive me? Stay tuned to future episodes !

Quiet day today, seems to be my SOP at the moment.
Hiding mode is starting to be engaged, why I’m not entirely sure.

Cleaned the coffee machine & zapped the shower cubicle with a weak bleach solution to combat the mould that has got a foothold while I’ve been ill.
Will try & finish cleaning the rest of the shower tomorrow.

Played some NMS this afternoon. Need to choose a new book !

Late this afternoon I got the ASD Assessment report that has been sent to my GP.

Whilst I did pursue this route & do see in myself a number of ASD traits the things the Psychiatrist picked up on while we were talking are disconcerting to say the least!
I hadn’t realised my social interaction was quite that lacking, but I guess there are some aspects of human communication and interaction that one cannot learn by mimicking others.
Sufficed to say , when I applied for the Pre-Sales tech consultant role, a move that ended my professional career, I never stood a Squirrel in Hell’s chance !

I will need to read this assessment several times for the full implications to become clear!

We settled down to watch TV with our tea when herself finished work, I did the dishes as per, then I went to change the hand towel & tea towel in the kitchen, only to find that herself had mixed them up when she put them away after they had been washed. This may seem trivial, but things like this trigger me because it’s not ‘right’.
When things aren’t ‘right’ it is physically & mentally distressing. I guess this is my ASD expressing itself.

So now I’m tired & triggered & wanting to hide. Can’t wait for her to desert me & bugger off upstairs!

Final Thoughts.

Wow, it comes as a shock to realise , at 56 , just how poorly one fits in with NT society. I have (not surprisingly given recent revelations) never been a ‘people person’ I am utterly at sea with subtle body language & can only really recognise emotions when they are unambiguous & out in the open.

I wonder how long it will take for me to forgive myself for not being a greater success professionally, given what I am now coming to understand about myself?

I wonder if I will ever move away from being my own worst critic ?

On a positive note I can now tell my Dad that my shit school reports were not all down to laziness !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 142 , Tuesday 19/03/2024

TL:DR Peace reigns & rainbows chase a squirrel home to some Masto banter!

Up at 6am, made breakfast, bid herself farewell as she trundled off to the office.
Thank Nuggan , a peaceful day !

I planned a longer walk , out to the village at the top of the hill to the west of us, via the longer, but somewhat less steep route.
It was a beautiful sunny morning as I left the house so I forsook my jacket & went adorned in sweatshirt , hat & scarf (yes & pants @Rasta & @dgar et al ! )

As I approached the 1km crossroads , about ⅓ of the way to the village the sky got steadily more ominous, initially I thought I could make it then I saw the rainbow!
Rainbows are beautiful miracles of physics, and we get some corkers in the valley, but when you see one fronting a deep bank of black clouds with the rising sun illuminating it from the east, you know it signifies a rain front!

I hate rain, truly , I would be a deeply happy bunny if meteorologists could persuade it just to rain while I sleep! So routing plans changed & I retraced my steps & took a detour around my basic short route around the playing fields. As the walk brought round thru the points of the compass I found myself facing west again with the rainbow , considerably closer!
Given that I knew there was rain involved here I quickened my steps & for the first time (that I remember) I was chased home by a rainbow ! 🌈

Cleaned the bathroom - except the shower, that will need a special effort tomorrow when I have the spoons !

Read a while , then a little ESO .

Had a bit of a decent laugh with some of the lovely folks on here throughout the day , which lifted my mood no end.

Final Thoughts.

The injury to my right foot has re-surfaced, which is a bit of a blow.
Hey ho onwards !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #Neurospicy #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 141 , Monday 18/03/2024

TL:DR Walkies, gaming & and bit of family interaction!

Up at 6am , it being a school day n all (for her not me).

Went for a walk this morning, it was sunny & I thought it would do me good. It was an exercise in doing exercise, I came back as down as I left only now I’m exhausted & down. I know that I need to exercise but I wish I could find something to bring joy to my life again.

I need something good to look forward to.

Had a call from my brother this afternoon which cheered me up no end !

Had a bit of a nerdy end to the afternoon re-speccing my main character in ESO.

Final Thoughts.

The black dog is lurking in the background , trying to get me to give in & give up. So far I have resisted !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 141 , Sunday 17/03/2024

TL:DR Sunday, what more do you need to know 😊

A nice relaxed day, including a trip down to Costco.

The problem with Costco is not the crowds it’s the lights - I don’t know what they use but they always make me feel awful! Dizzy, nauseous & generally yuck. I wonder if it’s an ASD sensory thing ?

Had a Ghostbusters mini fest this afternoon , parts 2 & 3. Very enjoyable 😆

Given that I am currently pursuing Project Woof I absolutely didn’t buy a rotisserie chicken at Costco & definitely didn’t make a delicious gravy with the juices & totally didn’t have chicken n chips for my tea 😆 (🤞)

Final Thoughts.

Weekends are both too long & too short !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 2 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 140 , Saturday 16/03/2024

TL:DR Classic Saturday!

After yesterday’s excitement today was a much quieter.

Up at 7am , breakfast, usual chores , vacuumed the living room carpet - got a whole other cats worth of fur in the cylinder! 🙄

The day passed uneventfully , herself brought me an egg n cress sarnie from Morrisons I think. I’m not sure what the ingredients had done to whoever made that sandwich , but they had a major axe to grind ! I’ve had less crunchy biscuits !

Finished the evening watching Ghostbusters - we’re gonna have a fest as there is a 5th movie in the franchise coming along .

Final Thoughts.

Who yer gonna call??? Nut busters! 😆

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 139 , Friday 15/03/2024

TL:DR Got up, got diagnosed as ASD! Booze & a bit of murder & mayhem !

So we move to a new beginning, life as a diagnosed Neurodivergent (I like the term Neuro Spicy , so guess what I’ll be using from now on😆 ) Autistic, would be Squirrel! (Squirrel diagnosis coming soon! 😜😂 ).

To start at the beginning…

Woke up just before the alarm went off at 6am, leapt athletically (or is that arthritically ) out of bed , yelped as I landed on my currently buggered right foot, took 5 paces , remembered my watch (gotta catch all those pesky steps ! )hopped back to bed , put my watch on then set out again! Did what I needed to & headed down to make breakfast.

I was anxious as hell, the last 138 days (give or take) have been leading to today , what if , in my SOP , I messed up, forgot important stuff , hid underneath the desk (oh yes that was defo on the cards! ). Eeek !

Got my act into gear after breakfast, did my chores & then headed back upstairs to start to prepare for the Diagnostic Assessment at 10:45.

Tidied my desk (i.e. hid everything that was on the desk under the desk) , made my bed , dusted the room to within an inch of its life!

The clock hit 7:45am …. Bugger what to do for the next 3 hours ! Could not settle, nothing appealed & what was worse, the appointment still showed as ‘provisional’ without a video conference link or anything !

Herself buggered off to work at 8am, so now I’m on my own, anxiety levels raising, brain running in a 1000 directions ! I was like a bluebottle banging against the kitchen window on a sunny day !

At 10:30 I gave up on getting notification of the meeting & started planning how to arrange a new appointment.

At 10:46 I got a text with a link for the Assessment !!
Apparently there had been tech issues that they managed to fix, just in time !

I won’t bore you with the details of the assessment, other than to say that I had 2 Consultants & student( observing). After 50 minutes the questions stopped & Ian, the lead Consultant , told me that he was sure that I had Autism & would be writing to my GP to advise them. He also suggested that there was evidence that I might have ADHD too!
There was another 10 minutes or so of ‘next steps’ stuff, talk of a couple more assessments etc, then we were done !

Finished the day with a kebab pizza (truly sitting on the fence there ! ) & a few drinks to celebrate getting this far , along with a couple of episodes of ‘Silent Witness’

Final Thoughts.

I am happy & I am relieved! 56 years & 138 days have lead to this diagnosis , now I have a name to put to that which makes me different.

After all this time I can actually start to look, with confidence , at ways to open a Squirrel shaped hole in the world for me to exist in.

I am not naive enough to thing that that new path ahead of me will be any easier than the path has behind me has been, but I look at the world with fresh eyes & fresh insight, so maybe life will become something to look forward to rather than something to regret !

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 137 , Wednesday 13/03/2024

Bit better weather for walking this morning, I left early because I needed to be outside & on my own.

Walked up to the village again , 3.6km in just under an hour, but I did stop a couple of times.

After cleaning up after herself I finally got breakfast just after 9.

Watched ‘The Martian’ one of my top movies, especially when I’m down.

Finished the afternoon with a bit of an NMS session, noticed that , on my main save, I have 4.5 billion credits ! I’m a billionaire 😜😂

Final Thoughts.

I’m getting more an more anxious about Friday, & simultaneously getting more & more reclusive.
I need to get my desk cleared again tomorrow - it may be a case of chucking all the junk on the floor out of sight!

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 136 , Tuesday 12/03/2024

Managed to get out for a walk this morning , a shorter one as it was pissing down with rain. Just 2.6km but still enough for 30 minutes worth of decent exercise.

I have been on my own today, very on my own, I avoided & was avoided by all those I know.
I have a horrible feeling that I may have to go back on the dreaded anti-d meds, they make me feel sluggish & brain dead , but they do allow me to better integrate with society, although I’m no longer sure if that is my goal.

Finished the 2nd ,solo, run thru of the NMS Omega expedition, now all I have to do is figure out how to get the goodies back to my primary save !

Bit of TV & a bit of ESP & then off to bed.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves

Tim_McTuffty, 3 months ago to actuallyautistic

Diary of an ASD Squirrel. Day 135 , Monday 11/03/2024

TL:DR Whoosh, Project WOOF is off again! ; Meteorologists need to become better models ! (Sorry need to devise better models 😆 ) ; Oh my friends 🫶 🫂; cleaning wash basins stinks ! ; ASD ASSESSMENT !!!!! (Yes I know what 5 exclamation marks indicates 😆 )

Project WOOF is back on track with me walking up the hill to the village , a steep climb , all road work , 3.25KM round trip.
It’s a hard walk if one hasn’t done it in a while & I can still feel it in my legs now, but I did it & whats more I only bounced off the 165bmp limit I have set to try & avoid heart problems a couple of times.
Sadly I was let down by the meteorologists , they all promised a dry day - nope it rained , in fact it rained on the way back while the wind was blowing in my face ! As you might be able to tell I’m n
o a big fan of walking (or indeed singing!) in the rain!

Bit of worry fest as my besties Lab - Arwen -was in the vet to have a minor op, my bestie was worried therefore so was I! It all ended well ultimately , but there was a low level tension thru the day.
In addition one of my other very good friends is having somewhat of a tough week (to say the least! ) & although they are putting a brave face on I feel for them.

Watched Gadfather Pt 2 this afternoon , leaving pt 3 for tomorrow.

The blinking bathroom sink decided to play silly buggers around 3ish, so I spent a merry hour or so cleaning the relevant parts - YUCK !

Major news came in late this afternoon, I have an appointment on the 15th - Friday - for my ASD assessment!

OMG ! It’s all suddenly real!

Final Thoughts.

The logical part of me knows that there is no ‘wrong’ outcome from Friday, either I am on the spectrum or I’m not. The part of me that claims to be ASD is going nuts at this evaluation of the situation, accusing me of being a fraud if the Consultant Psychiatrist deems me not to have ASD. This is days before the actual assessment & I feel I’m being unfair to myself & should demand a re-trial!

I doubt I will sleep well tonight.

Thank you to all those who are helping me on this journey, in a myriad different ways. I am thankful to each & every one of you! 🫂 🫶🐿️🖖

@actuallyautistic
#TimsASDjourney #ActuallyAutistic #TheMammutMoves