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MagnusMendax

@MagnusMendax@kbin.social
MagnusMendax,
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Shout outs to all the magic claws reading this.

MagnusMendax,
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Incredible news. My kids are almost going to be as excited as I am.

A Journal Entry from Seven Years Ago When My Daughter Was Just Under Two

My 19 month old just woke me up screaming at midnight... This is something she almost never does; she has slept through the night for over a year now. Usually she only wakes us up if she's managed to soak herself. (This little girl is like a faucet at times). She even manages to calm herself to sleep without us when she's...

MagnusMendax,
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Check out the comments over at https://kbin.social/m/chat/t/15092 for some good community input.

MagnusMendax, (edited )
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Here are a couple of random pieces of advice that I have:

  1. Don't automatically limit your children because you have an initial inclination that they are too young. Obviously there are exceptions--your three-year-old is probably not ready for base jumping. What I mean is for mostly mental, emotional, and social treatment. Talk to your school-age children like they are adults. Use big words and explain what they mean. If your four-year-old wants to try piano lessons, don't immediately shut down the idea. If your kids will sit down and listen to chapter books when they're three, read it to them. My currently eight-year-old daughter will wake up early sometimes and make the family scrambled eggs for breakfast because I've been showing her how to cook since she was able to sit on the counter next to me. When my daughter was four, I got her involved in a pre-school program through a laptop. Her two-year-old brother wanted to do it, too. I asked the provider to make him an account and they were happy to do so without any additional charge. Despite his age, it was hugely beneficial for his development. When my children ask how things work, I explain it to them in greater detail than I think they will understand and try to simplify it as I go. I think our children are limited because we artificially limit them based on what we think they can handle.

  2. Don't be afraid to make your kids try something at least once. I get my kids involved in the same things at the same time and it's given them the opportunity to settle more in areas they care about. My son has tried arts, music, and sports and, in the process, discovered his love for competitive team sports and his hatred for gymnastics. My daughter tried all the other things and developed her talent for art and music. I don't make them stay in the activities they don't enjoy, but I think they'll be glad that they tried them for themselves.

  3. Start out feeding children what you eat. My toddler-children loved to eat crab, thai, sushi, and veggies because I didn't treat them like anything weird. They are more picky now, but it was very helpful at the time to prepare one meal that even the infants ate. I recognize that I lucked out in this regard, but I really do think it helped that I didn't prepare them chicken nuggets and mac and cheese while I ate something else. Only after they discovered the other food did they get more picky.

  4. Help your kids find the answers to problems themselves. If you solve all your children's problems, they won't be able to solve them on their own if you're not around. They will get frustrated, but guide them rather than solve for them. Each child will be different in the amount of guidance that they need, but giving them the answer outright will hinder them later in life.

  5. Apologize to your children when you make mistakes. Tell them you're sorry and don't excuse yourself. If something or someone was harmed by your actions, tell them what you are going to do to fix the problem. This is not weakness. This is showing your children how to be a responsible adult.

  6. Read to your children every day and eat dinner together at the table every day. These two habits are directly correlated with success later in life.

MagnusMendax,
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Kaladin dies. I have no basis for this theory. Then Spin from Skyward flies in on a spaceship at the end. Even less basis for this theory.

MagnusMendax,
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On a post you want to pin you click More->Moderate. The option to pin the post will show up there.

MagnusMendax,
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Hello! Online I go by Magnus. I participated frequently under a different name in r/SingleDads. I have a bachelor's in Psychology with an emphasis on child development. After undergrad, I went to law school and now work primarily as a family lawyer. I'll share my story.

My ex-wife and I met in college and married. We had a fantastic marriage for the most part. We never yelled. We rarely fought. We were usually on the same page. She gave birth to our first child while I was in law school and she was finishing her bachelor's. It was a lot of work to care for a young child, work, and go to school at the same time, but I wouldn't change that time for the world. I cherish my times feeding the baby at 3:00am while listening to podcasts, watching awful movies, or just sitting and staring at each other in silence.

I got a job working for the courts right out of law school which required us to move where our second child was born. At this time, my ex expressed a desire to continue her education and become a doctor. She attended a local community college to obtain the final necessary credits to apply for medical schools. The jobs as staff attorneys with the courts are typically term positions that expire to give other fresh graduates a chance to work in the same positions, so we left after three years and I entered private practice. At the same time, my wife was applying to medical schools.

I worked for about a year while my wife interviewed and traveled to various schools around the country. She was accepted to a school she was excited about, but required us to move several thousand miles away. We decided that I would stay behind, take care of the kids, settle my practice, and sell the home while she went ahead first while taking what she needed and rented a room from another student for a few months.

I got a full-price offer on the home after only a few days of listing. Communication with my ex was great for the first week or so, but it gradually became less and less. She blamed it on the rigors of starting medical school, which I accepted as I'm sure it was difficult. One day she didn't respond to any texts and it went to voicemail when I attempted our usual nightly call. It hurt and that hurt still hasn't fully gone away three years later. Eventually, she called and talked to me one day, saying that she didn't want to be a wife or mother anymore. She told me not to follow her. She told me she'd been feeling it for a while and that now she had a chance to live the life she felt she missed out on because she was a mother. She didn't talk to the kids for several months, even with me attempting to initiate communication for the sake of my children. She would only come to me when she needed emotional support or money. If you have a little voice in the back of your head suggesting that more was going on than I'm disclosing, I'll just say that those of you that know... you know. (It's not important if you don't understand what I'm saying, and I won't discuss it any further than that.)

MagnusMendax,
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I tried to make things work for a long time but with no success. Every time it seemed like I was pulling away, she would work harder to make it work--but she didn't try at all if it seemed like I was still there for her to fall back on. If you're in a similar situation, my recommendation would be to save yourself the time and file for divorce a lot sooner than I did.

Regardless, I was left with a home closing in a month, no place to live, no clients, and a mostly sparse bank account.

Fortunately, I do have a lot of family. I moved a few hours away back to my hometown. My sister allowed us to live in her home for about a year while I got my feet back on the ground. Every day, I had to force myself out of bed. That time in my life is a blur. I joined a firm with a bunch of like-minded younger fathers where I still work and was able to purchase a new home for myself and my children. I filed for divorce and had a decree about a year and a half later. It was amicable and we agreed on the terms.

Also during this time, my ex woke up. She started realizing the mistake she made, but it was too late on my part. Fortunately, she calls the kids every day. I would let her come and stay at my house in between sessions of school while I stayed with family, which happened every other month or so. She tried to make it in for all the important events. She now is more settled and the kids just spent a week at her house for the first time. We're hoping when she's done with school that she can move closer to the kids so that they can see us both an equal amount of time. I think that's best for all of us.

As far as me, I met a lovely woman who is also a single parent with kids about the same ages as mine. We live about a seven hour drive from each other, so the long distance hasn't been super fun, but it's manageable. We were recently married, although we're still living apart while I save up money to build onto her home so my kids can have their own space when we get over there.

It took a lot of time and effort to get here. I still know there's a ways to go. I've overcome most of my mental and emotional demons and am succeeding at raising my children and at work more than I ever have in my life (though my house is usually a mess--part of that is because my home is regarded as a fun place in the neighborhood where any kid can come, grab a snack, feel at home--judgement free, and play).

I hope to be a resource to this community and help others that are going through similar challenges. I recognize that I am fortunate in that I'm in the rare position of having a lot of control over my children whereas many of you have long-drawn-out court battles which result in minimal custody. I feel for you and wish you the best as you navigate through things. I try to be the kind of co-parent to my ex that I wish your ex-partners would be to you, and I hope that the ex-partners that are difficult eventually recognize the great value you provide in the children's' lives as a father.

MagnusMendax,
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Diggs is being a drama queen because he thinks others are to blame for him not having a super bowl ring? Nobody could have seen that coming. /s

I wish the Bills luck, though. I want to see Allen win one, so long as they aren't playing the 9ers.

MagnusMendax,
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You're going to do great. I've been a single dad for the last three years. Lots of great advice so far.

Here's mine for newborns: Simethicone is your friend. Babies are still strengthening their internal sphincters, which causes gas to push stomach acid into places it shouldn't be, causing heartburn in babies. Simethicone helps to reduce that gas.

You'll make mistakes. It'll be okay. Feel free to send me a dm if you want support or to chat. Godspeed.

MagnusMendax, (edited )
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I made https://kbin.social/m/SingleDads and am working on getting https://kbin.social/m/DadBin set up on kbin.social. It looks like there are a couple other on the Fediverse but nothing too active yet. There is https://kbin.social/m/Daddit on kbin.social with a couple of articles as well, but the moderator of that one hasn't posted anything anywhere which is why I decided to make my own.

MagnusMendax,
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"You'll never guess which player X team just cut from their roster!" Only to click the link and see it's a practice squad player no one has ever heard of. And you have to read through 6000 words before you see the name hidden haphazardly in some random paragraph. When you measure success of your news by clicks and time spent on the page, these are the results.

MagnusMendax,
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I just drove out of Denver after picking up my kids from the airport. Maybe we should have stayed for the party. Congrats to the Nuggets!

MagnusMendax,
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I'm a lifelong 9ers fan and current Purdy supporter. I think it might be too early to say he would go first round, but he's a safe second rounder at the very least in a redraft

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