I hate to give advice, but I feel bad for anyone who feels they’re an involuntary celibate. Like, being celibate or aroace is fine because you’re just being yourself. But the “involuntary” aspect of incel/femcel makes me feel bad for anyone going thru this.
So here’s what I suggest: super get into a hobby, be a nerd and specialist in it, and just enjoy yourself. Don’t do it to meet anyone, and stop comparing life to others. It’s just life, just have fun. The lack of sex shouldn’t be a defining quality to life or personality, a person is more than someone else’s love or interest.
But note one important thing! I am not saying people are boring or lacking anything, and that’s why they’re not getting love, attention, sex etc. I am saying one can use the hobby to alleviate the frustration that comes from something that one can’t control.
I think the anger and sadness people feel from a lack of love and attention should be reframed: dating, love etc. all have such a luck aspect to them, and so I don’t think anyone not getting any should feel like it’s their fault or they’re not enough. You’re just fine, the society we’ve created just makes it easier for some type of people vs. others, but it’s a work in progress and we can all be the change we want to see in the world.
Tbf, the society we’ve created has kinda made things worse for everyone. Even the most competent and successful people struggle to not be miserable. The ones that are happiest did it by focusing on things the system often discourages.
You couldn’t just look at the picture to see who to give credit to? @lanaflowerz is written right there in the bottom right and they have an account on Instagram at least
I felt like I’ve seen a couple. But yea, I have not seen nearly as much as on reddit. I think there are some fediverse rules that keeps bad things out (Nazis, pedos, misogyny, etc.) (I also don’t fully understand the fediverse as well)
Each instance has their own rules, all governed by the law of wherever the instance is. Then instances may federate or not with other instances depending on how good of a match they think they are for each other. And then they unfederate Hexbear. That’s the life cycle of a lemmy instance xD
I’m not sure it’s so much the rules. There are some really bad instances out there, most of which are defederated from the more popular ones because they’re so filled with things like what you described.
The difference between this and reddit is that most of the instance admins aren’t really interested in making a profit, don’t have to answer to things like advertisers or media perception, etc. so they’re more interested in creating a positive community for their users.
I keep luring them out by accident just by bringing up any kind of women’s issue at all. Thankfully though, a quick report and they get banned from my instance real fast.
It’s likely due to age. Based on the comments and posts here, it seems that most people here are older than those on Reddit. As the saying goes, “with age comes wisdom.”
I m may be wrong but though that it was the original definition of an incel . someone who want but don’t have sex. But yeah I understand what you want to say
Shit has actually a strange history to it. At the beginning there was an online group by and for involuntary celibates. It was a place where people could come together and try to process their situation. The loneliness, the depression, etc.
Now comes the M. Night Shyamalan plot twist: The founder was a woman. They came up with „invcel“ as short for involuntary celibates. Which later turned into „incel“ because it sounded better.
So, things were going dandy and that group did some good to help people. After some time she left the group. Just moved on to other projects. With her leaving the site started to (for a lack of better words) fucking degenerate. The whole movement became what we all know and hate today.
I didnt knew that it was a woman who did the first group. I would love than invcel would be a thing again and not the degenerate (hate) part of the movement.
I was too, but most of the people that call themselves “femcels” nowadays aren’t actually the female version of incels. There have been communities of unironic female incels, like the subreddit FemaleDatingStrategy, and while some of them were just men trying to agitate, a lot were women.
They talked a lot about finding “high value males,” using very dehumanizing language that reinforces what they see as “objective” sexual roles. They were obviously transphobic and misogynistic, viewing relationships from a purely mechanical perspective. Emotional attachment didn’t matter and was a hindrance to fulfilling their “biological purpose.” 🙄
People get drawn to these ideas because they’re trying to find meaning. They want some objective authority to tell them what to do with their life, so they look to the our rudimentary understanding of evolutionary psychology and assume that it’s some perfect model for how to live. They don’t understand that not only is the science warped by a shitty culture, but nature isn’t even a good model for how to live a fulfilling life. Nature doesn’t care for our best interests, it’s just a soulless machine.
The femcel community here is a celebration of queerness, self depreciation at our “weaknesses.” Actual femcels want to conform, we don’t. We be silly, we be free :3
Many years ago, I called out people at some subreddit for immediately associating someone not being able to find a partner with being a terrible person, almost like they inherently had little value as a human being and deserved to be alone, etc. I initially got a lot of support, until a couple of people started to attack my comments in that thread viciously, making shit up, bringing assumptions out of nowhere, and the both of them were usual posters of r/FemaleDatingStrategy. I gave a look to c/femcelmemes a couple of weeks ago, and the vibes were NOTHING ALIKE. Internet just generally sucks at naming things.
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