Even before I considered the possibility that I might be autistic, I realised that “other” people usually spent a lot less time analysing & critiquing my behaviour than I might think. (They’ve got more important things to do!) Even when they did/do express annoyance or criticism, it’s likely to be both mild & momentary in most cases. Therefore my rumination is disproportionate.
The other thing I learned was to accept that other people have issues which influence their perception, thoughts & behaviours. Being considerate of other people’s needs (when we understand them) is one thing, but taking on responsibility for always meeting their needs is not ok. If someone is irritated or worse with me, it’s not necessarily my “fault”, or my responsibility to fix the situation.
As an AuADHD, RSD has been a big factor in my life & a cause of much anxiety. My boundaries have been either too rigid, or the opposite. Developing healthier boundaries has been a major focus & while I’m still learning, has helped me a lot.