So first off, on a personal note, I just wanna take a second and acknowledge that it sounds like you're really "in it." You're feeling the familiar frustration, and the shame. That little voice in the back of your head that whispers, "I'm not enough" is loud and clear right now. It sounds like you've had a lot going on, maybe you're burntout, and you're sick of feeling like a failure? All of that is totally valid, and it makes sense why you'd feel that way given the lifetime of negative reinforcement you've received, the recent diagnosis, and all the pressure to just be able to do what others can. I think most of us here, especially those of us that were also diagnosed as adults, can relate to those feelings in a big way. I know I can. I'm really sorry that you're going through that. :(
On a discussion-oriented note, generally speaking, I think it's important to be able to see ADHD holistically. It is a debilitating disability and it is comorbid with some really awesome/interesting qualities. It is not a superpower, but it is also not all bad, either; it's not just one thing, it's a whole-ass neurotype that comes with all the quirks and kinks any other brain has.
Your experience might be that you don't believe the trade-off is worth it, and you know, most days I would agree with you. I think most people here would. The truth is, though, it's really no better or worse than any other brain in terms of being a good, functional brain. ADHD is not an illness. We are only disabled insofar as society is disabling to us. The world was not built for us, and until we make some more equitable, systemic changes, we will continue to struggle. Just as modern buildings need to include wheelchair ramps and wider doorframes for people with walking aids, the future of society needs to include us in its design. We need accommodation to be able to thrive, and under the right conditions, it would not at all be out of the question.
None of this is meant to absolve us of accountability or responsibility, and it's not to say that nothing is really our fault, or that the pain we experience isn't valid. I just mean to say that we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and commiseratting getting beat down by the world, which is completely understandable, but is there a different conversation that might be more beneficial to us? How can we educate our bosses and teachers and parents about us? How do we make sure that kids are being appropriately diagnosed, and that girls and children of color get diagnosed, as well? What could an ADHD/Autism-friendly work environment look like? What about ADHD/Autism-friendly supermarkets? How can we change stigma, expectations, and our environments to be better? Don't we deserve better? Yes, having ADHD sucks as it stands, but does it have to?