freebdsm

freebdsm, 3 months ago

Okay. I’m going to try to respond in a way that doesn’t seem like I’m antagonizing you because you put in a great amount of effort in your response.

There are racist people in Vancouver, no doubt. I can only go by my experiences but the man who hired me to fix laptops regularly makes comments about my supposed background and what my people do there. He’s phrasing these jokes in an attempt to aggravate me, or he would have simply asked me about where my parents are from. Fine, ill play along and appease him so I can keep my job.I’m not convinced that he would’ve hired me had I not had a computer repair certification + be one of the few applicants to this position.

People I’ve tried to befriend get so obviously nervous at my mere presence so I don’t bother to go out anymore. These are people my age.

I have to change the way that I walk, make sure that I dress overly formal and be prepared to move in a way that indicates I’m not a threat if someone starts to approach me.

I’ve been involved romantically with a South Asian person before. I can speak Tamil fine enough to follow a conversation and if I really focus then I can even give semi coherent responses but she told me her family loathes black people. This was after meeting her parents and her mother being shocked that I know so much about Sri Lanka. Doesn’t matter lmao.

I hope that my original question makes more sense now. I know there arent any facial surgeons here but ignore the context and focus on what I can change. Theres a combination of facial features that people find the least intimidating. The more black I look --> the more intimidating I look. We can debate why that is but it’s so obviously true that my own mother laments the fact that my nose is too big and my hair is too nappy. Maybe this relationship is worse in Vancouver because of a lack of black ppl and aversion from most asian people. My uncle has bleached his skin to look more attractive, and a good amount of my extended family agrees that the procedure looks good.

So just give me advice on what I can do to change my face. That’s all I’m asking for.

freebdsm, 3 months ago

Yes but that’s not particularly useful information. None of the people I’m pictured with are black, due to the demographics of the city.

freebdsm, 3 months ago

I have no clue how I would even begin to phrase my question so that I get actual answers while avoiding the troll accusations.

I’m glad that we agree that people are racist. It isn’t comforting to know that I’ll face extra challenges wrt employment and relationships because people are scared of my very existence. Maybe I should’ve posted myself in my company attire?

Something about my face is signifying to people that I am black. I already have funds set aside for rhinoplasty. It’s as if people are going out of their way to ignore this and I don’t know why.

freebdsm, 3 months ago

I can’t win.

My boss and my friends regularly make racial jokes. Old Asian ladies look visibly upset when they suddenly see me and people have steered onto oncoming traffic to avoid walking in my general direction. Professors think I’m fucking retarded and I have to prove extra hard to them that I’m serious about this class.

I think indigenous people have it worse than me.

It is in my best interest to not appear black. I’m 96% Ghanaian. Even looking vaguely Indian or mixed would be a massive improvement in regards to how society perceives me.

I’ll try using this example:

Being very short in a very tall society as a man sucks. People automatically see you as being less masculine. You will have a harder time dating. Shorter people, regardless of competency, will earn on avg significantly less money over the course of a life time compared to taller people.

There exists really short people who have managed to attain a high income, a partner who loves them and is well respected by the society they live in. This person would also both be out of the norm and will admit that their life was unusually harder compared to his average height peers.

We now have surgery to increase your height. The short dude in question here would be justified in believing that life would be easier for him if he was taller.

I’m very black in a very not-black city. It is ultimately in my best interest to appear less obviously black. I can’t speak for Toronto but I’m not convinced that there is a pro black region anywhere. If you’re white/South asian/East Asian/Arab, you will be perceived as more competent than local Ghanaians as soon as you step foot in the country.

Skin bleaching happens to a ridiculous degree in Ghana.

I know my nose signifies that I’m black so I’m talking to a surgeon about rhinoplasty ATM. It would be nice if people just set aside their need to tell me that it’s racist the way I’m perceived and actually gave me some advice. We both agree that black = bad, so let’s skip over this conversation entirely.

freebdsm, 3 months ago

Thank you. And your right about the peanut shape. I’ll try growing out my hair

freebdsm, 3 months ago

Maybe there’s nothing wrong with me in a purely egalitarian sense, as in there’s nothing instrinsically wrong with anyone’s race. I agree.

My race is problematic specifically because of people who behave much more differently than me because of the way I look. From a quality of life perspective it would be better if I appeared less black.

I’m glad that you don’t think my nose size is weird. Get your friends from the lower mainland drunk enough and ask them their earnest opinion of black people.

My large nose is the biggest giveaway that I am black, very black. Reduce the size of my nose and I’m one step removed from looking like a black African. Maybe I should reduce the size of my lips? Maybe I need to do something with my skull or eyelids so less of my eyeballs show? Not sure, which is why I came here.

Therapy will make me feel good in the moment but it doesn’t change my reality. Even if I 3nd up spending 60k+ cad on these surgeries(I’ll likely be going to Turkey for the more invasive ones) it will pay off both from an economical standpoint and quality of life standpoint.

I know there’s a better forum for this somewhere, but it’s not exactly like raceswapping is in vogue yet. My uncle openly brags about how much lighter his skin is now and talks about the Lebanese women he pulled, my mother wonders where I got my massive nose from. Jamaicans hate the fact that they have dark skin and if you’re not “black” in a poorly developed african nation you are automatically assumed to be more competent. Therapy isn’t going to even recognize this as an issue, and it’s not something that I can fix alone.

freebdsm, 5 months ago

In my case, I guess I would have to decide between continuing to work in a field unrelated to IT or taking a break to attain the CCNA. Not sure if there’s a right choice here.

freebdsm, 5 months ago

It’s nice that there’s a community of people out there who suffer from the same things you’re suffering from but it’s annoying. You shouldn’t be proud of having any mental disability. It’s just that, a disability, and most of us would be far better off if we didn’t have this curse. It’s nice that I can hyperfocus when I really need to. I can study for exams & certifications last minute and still pass, but its not a sustainable strategy. People with ADHD are significantly more likely to live drastically worse lives than neurotypicals.

freebdsm, 5 months ago

Completely agreed. I’d go a step further and say that if you haven’t received a psycho educational assessment, you should not be claiming that you have ADHD.

freebdsm, 6 months ago

I watched the video. It’s definitely not looking good for Jirard but I’ll reserve judgement until he responds. These allegations are really bad.