A lot of learned coping skills. Always put your wallet and keys in the same spot. Use timers, alarms, calendars and to-do lists. Write everything somewhere. Make this as simple as possible, otherwise I can’t find what I wrote when I need it. Make your environment as appropriate as possible to the task you’re doing. For me, this usually involves going somewhere else, because otherwise dealing with the chronic mess becomes the distraction by itself!
Out of sight, out of mind. If I need to clean frequently, I have to keep cleaning supplies out, easy to access. Enter a room, see cleaning supplies, oh, I should clean. Without the visual reminder, won’t remember.
Keep at least 2 to 3 notebooks on hand. Always writing stuff down. I’ll research, be thinking about something, but brain starts to lose focus. Write it down. Will completely forget after that. But when thought enters brain later, oh wait, I made notes…
Notepad app on phone. Anything important, will forget, so need to record.
Dbt, cbt has helped. Brain tends to be scattered, all over the place, so daily mindfulness, grounding exercises to connect to moment.
Only able to process data rapidly, large scale, all data at once. So, books with large pages, lots of data broken down, grouped for rapid assimilation.
Routines are essential. Phone always in left pocket, keys in right pocket, etc. If I put keys somewhere else, I’ll freak, panic. So routine, if I start to panic, look in usual spot, wait, they’re where they’re supposed to be.
If out in public, at a counter, take wallet out, lay on counter… stare at wallet entire time, not breaking eye contact, or else I’ll forget it’s there.
Wallet attached via chain. Small compact umbrella so I can keep in pocket, otherwise will lose it. Carbiner attached to things so it’s easier to hold, not lose.
I set a lot of alarms. A LOT. And I’m not allowed to dismiss them until the action is actually done. If I have an alarm to change the laundry into the dryer, I hit snooze until the dryer is running. Not on my way to change it over. Not once the clothes are in the dryer. Once the dryer is running.
You’re only as strong as your systems!
I don’t try to make systems that I like or that I wish / hope I can follow, I make systems that I know will work with my habits. Once I know where I drop my clothes on the floor, that’s where the laundry basket lives. I use a bookcase instead of a dresser for my clothes, that way I can see everything and I can actually keep things folded cause I’m not digging through looking for something. I don’t have coffee tables anymore because they are just stuff collectors! We use foldable TV trays that get put away at the end of the day. They can only collect a manageable amount of stuff to put away.
My husband (also ADHD) gets very ambitious with systems and routines, and then fails. Make systems that work with what you’ll actually keep up with!
Therapy, medication, exercise, breaking up large tasks into smaller ones, using timers and reminders to offload some of the burden of remembering to do stuff on to my phone etc.
I have found the best way to cope is to surround yourself with people that understand and help you out when you fall short. Easier said than done for sure and it hasn’t always been that way for me but at this point I have a bunch of ADHD friends so they all get it, and my wife saves me usually, she is the best at that hah. Other than that I have been just leaning into it lately, for example find a job that has a lot of tasks that work well with your brain, choose wisely.
I also treat my attention as a privilege that I can give people and not something someone can demand. I don’t phrase it that way to be egotistical, it’s just that my attention and focus is fleeting sometimes as it is so I need to defend it in that way to have any at all. This is also harder said than done but it’s also not too difficult, most people are understanding when you say “can I get back to you in 30 min when I’m done with I am doing” or “let’s put time on the calendar to work on that tomorrow” it turns out.
Along this same line I also treat notifications everywhere as an opt-in activity, everything gets denied and I only let the most important ones through focus modes (I have an iPhone) that I actually need to receive and this includes all phone calls on all mediums. The only people that get let through focus modes are those that understand the gravity of interruptions on my brain (well and my parents because they are great hah).
Well that was longer than I thought it would be but the short version is that you have to try to construct a situation for yourself that works with your brain and not against it, and it’s a long journey but you have to keep iterating on it like you have been.
I mean I survive, but besides the basics of taking care of my body, taking ADHD meds, going to therapy and doing yoga, there is nothing that truly helps me cope with the everyday quality of life disaster that is ADHD. I just survive it.
If we lived in an easier time I might say I had found things that help me cope and live a higher quality of life, but we live in a time where life is very hard and I have to think of coping mechanisms as more like little rituals I do to try to bring myself up than meaningful answers to the actual challenges I face and fail to meet everyday otherwise the incongruity of scale between the two drives me into complete despair or anger.
Medication, proper sleep, strict routine, writing things down in my pocket notebook as I think of them. I’m trying to incorporate exercise, as well, but that’s a slow and arduous process that’s not going so well. I’ve lowered my caffeine intake.
Medication, caffeine in the morning, and some hard cardio in the evenings.
The medication helps overall but impacts my sleep quality, the caffeine makes the mornings easier and also makes me more tired in the afternoons, and the hard cardio makes my sleep quality way better plus makes the following day easier to do things as even though the medication helps it only helps so much.
Basically I hope on my bike (which has been converted to stationary) and drive my heart rate up for about a half hour
Edit: By caffeine in the morning I mean a cup of coffee
I drink caffeine in the morning, but I really need to stay away from it after that. If I drink coffee later on in the day (or just a lot in the morning) then I won’t be able to get good sleep. If I don’t get good sleep them I won’t be able to concentrate.
Working out also really helps me fall asleep at night. I do some weight lifting during the day at work, and some cardio at night. I also don’t try to force myself to get to sleep, I try to make sure that I will be tired by bed time by burning off any remaining energy during the evening so I’m tired when my alert to start winding down goes off.
But good sleep is absolutely the key. When I get bad sleep, especially consistently bad sleep I can’t concentrate.
For me a cup of coffee too late in the day (or too big in the morning) will ruin the whole day for me and likely the following day due to it’s impact on my sleep quality
But excise is key for me. If I skip working out then I’ll have to much energy left over to actually sleep. But with enough exercise during the day then I’ll fall asleep effortlessly around 10pm sometimes even a bit earlier in my chair at my desk if I’m not careful lol
And a good night sleep makes the following day so much easier it’s amazing
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