What are the most important qualities you'd want in a counselor? How could counseling best serve you?

LaunchesKayaks, 1 month ago

I had many therapists when I was younger. Only one of them understood what being in poverty was like. I was being treated for social anxiety and one of my treatments was to get out of my comfort zone and go out, then journal about it after and go over the journal at the next session. That’s all fine and a great idea, but I literally couldn’t afford to go out and do stuff. My treatment went terribly until I got a therapist that found ways for me to challenge my fears without dropping any extra money.

garbagebagel, 1 month ago

Honestly just the fact that you’re asking and are showing the self awareness is pretty great.

I haven’t been brave enough to actually seek therapy past a few very generic counselling sessions in university, but I think the most important thing to me would just be someone who doesn’t invalidate my existence. I identify as asexual and one of my biggest fears in going to therapy is for my sexual identity to be medicalized and dismissed, as I’ve heard many others like me have experienced.

essell, 1 month ago

Hey, I’m a queer counsellor, and I run training seminars on gender and sexual diversity.

Nothing you can’t learn online, I’d be happy to share the resources I use on those days anyway. PM your email if you want.

GONADS125, 1 month ago

Just sent you a PM, thanks!

I think it’s funny but I feel like PM vs DM demonstrates age range. I also say PM, but most people seem to say DM now.

essell, 1 month ago

Fair point! Through such clues do we move into a others frame of reference! 😁

Wahots, 1 month ago

The best counseling I got was from a hospital therapist when I was just coming out. Or coming to terms with it. He was straight, religious, mid-60s, married. He helped me realize that society really wouldn’t see me differently and that my life and dreams weren’t going to be different just because I was also falling in love with men. But he still offered me the choice or going back if that was what I was most comfortable with.

In the end, I think I had already made my mind up before that counselor even saw me. But him being a reassuring presence in a very vulnerable and stressful moment meant a lot to me. His help made me advise other friends and family going through similar struggles to get counseling, and it’s totally changed their lives for the better, too. Having outside help, free from the potential conflicts of interest with getting similar help from friends and family, is really nice.

If you want to become a better resource, I’d start by making more LGBT+ friends. It will give you better insight into people’s lives and struggles. But it’s also just healthy to have a diverse mix of friends. Broadens your horizons. :)

GONADS125, 1 month ago

If you want to become a better resource, I’d start by making more LGBT+ friends.

I absolutely agree with you and I’m hoping to do just that. I have trouble making/keeping friends in general due to life’s inherent chaos. The older I get, the harder it seems to be to make new friends. In undergrad, I’d make good friends for that semester, and then slowly lose touch after the semester ended.

Being naturally introverted makes it a bit of a challenge too. I’ve thought about going to a local bar that isn’t exclusively a gay bar, but it is very inclusive and popular with the local LGBTQ+ community. There’s also a really great support organization downtown that welcomes volunteers, and I plan to pursue that for sure.

Wahots, 1 month ago

Good idea! Sometimes, there are organizations like Queer Mountaineers which can be a fun way to meet people and get outside. :)

-Emma-, 1 month ago

I maybe got a little carried away in this comment.

What really pissed you off in a therapy session?

TL,DR: lack of privacy, security, communication, and respect

I'm not going to discuss the conservative "therapist" I had. I did eventually get an LGBTQ-friendly therapist.

I discovered that my therapist was typing up her notes on a Windows computer with a keylogger enabled by default, sending the data to Microsoft. The notes were also stored unencrypted on a server accessible by the entire IT department of the clinic.

She didn't understand the issue. This clearly voids patient-doctor confidentiality, and it destroyed my trust in the clinic.

I've experienced another issue while searching for a new therapist.

I found a therapist on the psychology today site that listed a full address. I showed up to make an appointment for a first session just to learn that she doesn't accept new clients without a phone call or email.

The only reason I had considered her was that she listed a full address, implying that phone and email weren't needed.

So I would recommend clearly communicating things like this, be privacy-conscious, and respect patient-doctor confidentiality. Without these fundamentals, there is no foundation of trust and respect.

What is the most important thing for me to try to understand?

I think the most important thing to understand for trans patients is that everyone's transition is unique, including the personal story.

So for instance, some trans girls/women say they were always a girl/woman, while others say they became a girl/woman.

It's important to listen and understand the individual and not get ahead of yourself.

I hope this is helpful, or at least interesting.

GONADS125, 1 month ago

I don’t think you got carried away at all in your comment! I appreciate your feedback.

I plan on being trauma-informed and operating through a person-centered lens, because I believe everyone’s story is unique. A counselor I interviewed said “We must have an insatiable curiosity for the individual’s unique story” and I really liked how she put that.

I definitely hear you with the privacy concerns. What I did as an adult caseworker was have my notes coded in a shorthand that wouldn’t make sense to anyone else. I plan on doing this as a counselor (as well as other measures), that way even if my notes were subpoenaed, it would require my testimony. This would allow me to choose what to say in order to advocate for my client, and insulate them from their progress notes being used against them.

UraniumBlazer, 1 month ago

I’m gay, but I don’t really have much of an input in this. I’ve only had one therapist n she’s been amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for being such a cool person. I so so wish the world had more people like you. I’m sure you’ll be a great therapist/councillor!!!

GONADS125, 1 month ago

Thanks for the encouragement!

I had such bad imposter syndrome as a caseworker, so I know I’m going to have it as a counselor as well haha.

I want to be as prepared as I can be.

LinkOpensChest_wav, 1 month ago

I’m gay and been to counseling. The big one I can think of is just reassuring clients that you’re an ally. That may depend where you practice, but it really matters in conservative areas like mine where that can’t just be assumed.

And I’ve also had a couple counselors who seemed really fixated on heteronormative/cisnormative gender roles, so probably avoid that (although the fact that you made this post leads me to believe you already know this)

GONADS125, 1 month ago

I appreciate you sharing your perspective.

I am currently living in a Midwest city. Since it’s a big college town, it has a mix of support and hate… The surrounding countryside is certainly intolerant. I was originally going to include that in the text body, but didn’t want to make it too long.

I definitely plan on being up front about being an ally in my bio once I’m practicing. I plan on getting involved with a local LGBTQ+ youth organization downtown as well.

As for gender roles, I don’t really support them. I believe in egalitarian relationships and gender fluidity.

LinkOpensChest_wav, 1 month ago

It looks to me like you got this! I suspected as much just based on the fact that you created this post

I wish you the very best in your practice