Pippin: “I’m gonna be honest with you, Gando my man, I’ve been pretty blazed since we left Moria. I found some strange orc leaf in the caves and it hits harder than farmer Maggot when he catches you stealing his mushrooms. I haven’t the faintest idea what’s going on anymore. Hey, where’s Boromir?”
Sauron might have shown up at Morannon personally to faceroll everyone into oblivion before Gollum had time to fall into Mt. Doom, but he was too busy having second breakfast to attend.
“I haven’t eaten since the second age. I bet lava makes fantastic barbecue. Get that deep sulfur taste. Divert a river into the mines, I’m about to invent lox.”
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