You may see yourself as behind in socialization, career, education, but that's only if that's how you measure yourself. It isn't going to be easy to have the same life financially, I understand, but that doesn't mean you're devoid of experience. If you knew that the worth of yourself and everyone else was measured in experience and the strength it takes to get through that, then you'd be rich. Don't discount yourself for your differences. I can relate to feeling left out as well, but I promise that there are gifts that come with that. Like a zebra hating its stripes because it doesn't look like the other horses. But it's so beautiful in its own way! To say you wish you didn't go through the life you have so far is to make judgments about who you are now and assumptions about the incredible you that you'll one day be. We don't know the future, so it doesn't help to make assumptions about it. After all, we couldn't paint a wonderful piece of art without a blank canvas, and that's what the road ahead of you is. The normal people with normal lives and normal hobbies may seem happy at times, but they might not have the richness of experience, depth of emotion, compassion, and other gifts that might be hiding in you that helped bring you to where you are today. They don't get the blank canvas to work with that you do. And that's okay. 👍
You should feel proud of yourself for the steps you've taken so far. Seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist is huge!! A lot of people might be afraid to do even that! Go you! I hope you can give yourself a bit more understanding as you've been through a lot, and try to have more patience. It helps to find a friend who doesn't judge you, or is even curious about your differences. Or keep posting online and interacting here. Maybe you'll run into more people with similar experiences. I think some people from mormon or other religious households or cults have had similar experiences and post online about how hard it's been to adapt to the rest of the world. Finding people who accept you the way you are will go a long way to helping you feel more accepting of yourself (something you can also work on even on your own too). I'm rooting for you. ❤️