I had a panic attack and didn't protest yesterday

Months ago, I contacted my local PSL chapter wanting to join and interviewed with a member. They kept me updated about their upcoming events for a time but ultimately I never showed up to anything and they (understandably) stopped contacting me.

I kept telling myself this time was going to be different and that I’d meet up with them and finally start doing the praxis thing. I got all pumped up in the morning but when it came time to physically leave my apartment, I panicked and couldn’t do it.

I was raised by narcissists. It’s been hammered into me since birth to not speak up because my opinions don’t matter. Because of this I am a very reclusive and quiet person and take forever to open up to anyone. And I don’t usually post on any social media. I hate being in the spotlight. It’s taking some real effort and I mean like herculean to even type this and ask for help.

How the hell am I supposed to overcome this? Besides and in addition to going to therapy? Because I do want to join and contribute.

I just don’t feel adequate. I feel like I let not only myself down but every student and worker out there with some actual skin in this movement down.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. Y’all are wonderful people <3