Sorry if this post seems negative but I feel so much regret. I started HRT in January 2022, These photos damage from May to August.

I feel like the selfies are basically fake, a trick of software and good angles, I’m also kinda convicened the one st a distance in the black top is pixel camera shangeans. I feel like realstixlly the graduation one is how most people see me. I just hate how I look, and I feel awful. I almost feel like HRT hasn’t done anytging, maybe it can’t for me. Maybe male puberty just hit too hard? If I got off of HRT lost 100 pounds than started again would it see acual effects

imgur.com/a/sdtFxqf

Hildegarde,

The HRT worked. You look like woman in all of your pictures. But you also look depressed and like you’re not taking good care of yourself.

the_best_nerd,

Please stop being so hard on yourself. Selfies can make you look better or worse - that’s just how camera angles, camera settings, and environmental lighting are. Literally everyone has conditions that make them look worse in a camera. Realistically, the graduation photo is absolutely not how most people see you - every ID of mine taken in similar conditions looks like total shit to me. And before you say mirrors make you look awful too, that’s also a known phenonemon - I can personally attest to the hell that mirrors give me most days. You need to understand that the world around you does not see you as horribly as you see yourself. I’m not going to argue with you whether you should stay on HRT - that’s a dexision on feelings I can’t know - but I do know that at the very least, if you want to feel better when looking at your own pictures, it has to start with you conditioning yourself to hate yourself less. When you feel like calling yourself ugly, criticize that thought. Pick apart your own biases, and find a way of not just looking better, but looking at yourself better. It will be immensely difficult, but it will be oh-so worth it. Otherwise, no matter how close you get to your goals, you will never look aesthetically pleasinng to yourself while your self-loathing still blinds you.

And please, get therapy. You look relatively young, and so if you are (usually like under the age of 21 is good enough for this depending on where you live), you might be able to get therapy for reduced or no cost. Assuming that’s a high school and not college graduation photo and that you are either going to or will be going to college, you can also usually seek therapy through the college (again, typically for a greatly reduced cost), though that tends to be a bit more varied in how well-versed they are in issues like this in particular. Furthermore, chances are, there may be a queer community center anywhere from half an hour to two hours away from you - if they’re in the same state as you (assuming you’re in the United States), it should be fine, as they also happen to have online therapy, and community centers tend to have more cost-accessible therapy. Online therapy is typically better than no therapy, so please do not discount that as an option if it would be more accessible in some way to you.

solivine,
@solivine@sopuli.xyz avatar

You need therapy. This is one of many posts you’ve made about this, but I think you’re ignoring people’s advice.

There is also lots of experimentation you can do within HRT treatment itself if you want to. Different AA/GnHRa, different oestrogen intake method/dose (monitor bloods), progesterone.

There’s also surgeries if you’re desperate, but I think above all you need therapy, you need to learn to love yourself as you are. Otherwise you will just keep going round and round in this depression cycle, and nothing will get better.

skymtf,

I know this isnt anyone else’s problem and I should likely keep my problems to myself but I can’t afford it. Also I don’t exactly think that statments I make are invalid

Blahaj_Blast,
@Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone avatar

Besides regular therapy, lots of places also have employee assistance programs (EAP) that are no cost. That’s how I got started.

solivine,
@solivine@sopuli.xyz avatar

It’s possible you can get some group therapy sessions for free, they might help. Either way the journey is mostly an internal one, self reflection and development is free. I would advise either looking for resources online, or trying to find self help groups out there where you can more openly talk about your own feelings.

I’m not sure what you are looking for by posting though, is it validation? Help? People offered both of those from what I can see. Unfortunately HRT isn’t a magical fix-all, but it helps as much as it can.

Maybe people can help with your HRT medication if you post some numbers relating to it, I’m not sure how you’re sourcing it right now if you’re low on money but it might help to have some advice there.

AspieEgg,

There are ways to get free or reduced cost therapy.

If you are employed, see if your health insurance plan covers therapy. If not, see if there is an Employee Assistance Program or something similar.

If you are a student, check with your school/college/university, many offer free therapy sessions.

If you aren’t either, you can still get cheaper therapy by asking therapist offices for a potential discount, sliding scale payment plan, income based payment plan, etc. You can also try to book with a clinical intern or therapist in training.

Some universities may offer discounted therapy sessions if you see a student therapist.

Community centers or community health clinics sometimes offer free or reduced cost therapy.

If nothing else works, places of worship also often offer therapy, though make sure it is a place that is welcoming of LGBT+ people.

OsrsNeedsF2P,

I think this is a case of “hit the gym, workout to get the body you want”. A lot of people are quick to blame transitioning or HRT but wouldn’t have been happy in their original state either.

skymtf,

What do you do if your broke lmao, suicide I guess??? Even then wouldn’t I need to get off hrt cause I think I’m permently hijdgerijg my progress by trying to use it while I’m horrobily overweight

kingludd,

I don’t know anything about what you must be feeling, but you can get an excellent workout without a gym by using bodyweight. Don’t research it too hard, just pick a premade routine and do it for a few months. If you can spend $20 on a pair of rings you can really expand the possibilities.

OsrsNeedsF2P,

How did you afford HRT if you’re broke?

Anyways, not gonna nag, but I would advise against suicide. Perhaps unhelpfully, I would actually advise against home workouts as well, since they’re too easy to skip. You’re going to have to find a way to make it work though, and that won’t be easy.

funkless_eck,

planet fitness is $10/month if you’re in a US city.

running and body weight exercises are free

do literally anything that gets you out of breath. tap dancing, yoga, pretending to be a beetle, justdance game, hopscotch, climbing a tree, reenacting historical battles, jump rope, putting on music you like and dancing badly. or if just walking - walk as fast as you can manage.

when you can go for 30 minutes without stopping, and don’t feel the least bit phased, you can start investigating more formal/traditional ways to work out (or indeed at any time ever).

the cure to depression isn’t “eat better, sleep better, drink more water, excercise,” but they are some of the foundations of feeling better. The wise man built his house upon the rock, as they say.

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