@Alice@beige.party
@Alice@beige.party avatar

Alice

@Alice@beige.party

Mostly one-liners at my own expense

Awkward AF

Midwest to West Coast

Photos on Pixelfed: @Alice

♾️

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Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

I got my phone number printed on temporary tattoos, but the joke's on everyone else because that's my cheating ex's phone number and those tattoos aren't temporary.

Alice, to random
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I felt I was a little overdue for my bratty check-in on Bluesky.

Alice,
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@josephthomas This imposter:

Waitnwallflower, to random
@Waitnwallflower@beige.party avatar

Remember that "game" perfection?

So much childhood anxiety could have been avoided if this was not a "gift"

Alice,
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@Waitnwallflower I just read your post and my heart rate spiked so much that my watch asked me if I was working out.

See also: Operation

Kierkegaanks, to random
@Kierkegaanks@beige.party avatar

I have a pet peeve. It likes to sleep by my feet at night.

Alice,
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CoachMark, to random
@CoachMark@beige.party avatar

@Alice
Hurry!

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@CoachMark Hopping on a plane now!

QueenOfCoffee, to random
@QueenOfCoffee@beige.party avatar

I just got an email to attend an "all hands important company meeting" in 2 hours. Wondering if we are getting the boot.

Alice,
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@QueenOfCoffee Oh no. Do you know what that means for you and your team/division/company at the moment?

My tech startup was acquired by a huge corporation a couple of years ago and luckily everything has stayed relatively the same (for now).

Alice,
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@QueenOfCoffee Oh, yeah, that doesn't sound bad at all. Honestly best case scenario with something like this, so I’m glad that's the deal for your company.

Alice, to random
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I'd totally be a helicopter parent because I'd much rather take care of a rad helicopter than a dumb baby.

Alice, to random
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It's exciting that we have phones with cameras that can take an almost unlimited number of photos, but you don't need to post every single one, Aunt Carol.

Alice, to random
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Had to block @juglugs today. I don’t have the time or patience for blatant plagiarism. https://beige.party/@Alice/112317102213427505

juglugs, to random
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This is actually my eighth rodeo; I just refuse to learn things

Alice,
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@juglugs Wait, are you and @ElleGray the same person or do you just go to rodeos together? What's going on here?

Victang, to random
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Are personality types like blood types? If so, who's a universal donor?

Please donate some personality for a dull person near you!

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@Victang My blood type is O negative so I’m a universal blood donor, but I don’t think anyone wants any donations of whatever this personality type is.

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

The Type A personality was named after me.

Alice, to random
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Thanks to everyone who came out to my set!

Alice,
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By "set" I mean when I did my workout at the hotel gym across the street. I don’t think I could have done those 4.5 sit-ups without their support!

Alice,
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@amiserabilist Live footage from my set!

Alice,
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@CoachMark It's a shirt for this record store in Oakland called 1-2-3-4 GO! Records

https://1234gorecords.shop/products/14-at-40th-shirt-1

Alice,
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@glasspusher I don’t know. I’m not very funny.

Alice,
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@SNerd Next time!

Alice, to random
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I hate checking bags so much that I will do everything in my power to avoid it. I don’t care if I’m going to Europe for two weeks, I will roll my clothes tighter than the fattest blunt just to ensure everything fits in a carry-on.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@chad I have had so much luggage lost, delayed, or damaged that I don’t have any trust in airlines safely and efficiently getting my bag to my destination, so I will gladly lug my MLC backpack through the airport to ensure my bag arrives safely.

Alice,
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@chad Oh, also, when I land at my destination, I just want to GTFO. I don’t want to stand around a slowly moving belt waiting for my dumb bag.

Alice,
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@wh0sthatd0g My carry-on IS a backpack. It's a maximum legal carry-on size and it's perfect because I only have to carry one thing and I also don’t want to deal with dragging along a roller suitcase.

Alice,
@Alice@beige.party avatar

@wh0sthatd0g Yeah. I fly Southwest most of the time and know I can bring two bags, but I’m super minimal with everything so I intentionally pack in a way that consolidates everything down into one bag.

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