@miriamrobern Like, I don't know what pronouns people saw me as - the nice bartender at the lesbian bar treated me like one of the girls and we laughed at my legal name when I closed out my tab, my friends obviously treated me like me... but no stranger made any mention.
Hm; I think A Problem I've realized is I don't really know how to work my brain gently. I don't know how to self soothe other than repressing and or disassociation, I don't know how to motivate myself other than last minute panic or inwardly directed rage... it goes on but you get the gist.
I'm sitting here trying to steer things by (figuratively) hitting it with hammers and OK yeah it works but it hurts and it breaks stuff and I'm tired.
Ugh, therapy... what, you mean self hatred and disassociation might be part of a self reinforcing cycle? That I might have more feelings if I learn to trust myself to not feel bad about having them?
Anyone else ever get the feeling you're being gaslit and or the butt of jokes, kept around by the in-group because you won't realize?
It's just a bunch of things that crop up when people spin narratives describing their inner experiences, motivations, sensations, etc. IDK.
Like, I don't think it's literally actually happening, I don't think I matter enough people would bother, but... so much stuff where it feels like I Don't Get It.
Think I'm going to make an effort to do more stuff this year... bunch of stuff has been stressful and not that that's all gone away but ... past a point to heck with it, exercising caution and all, I can't put everything on hold forever.
Best friend before transition was in town today; we met up for a few drinks this afternoon. And thing I just kinda smiled at to myself - I made a joke about shots every week or so and he just comments that he never really thought about the HRT aspect of things and we go back to our conversation.
Not weird invasive questions or dumb assumptions or anything else; compared to some horror stories, it's nice.
Mocked some trolls on twitter yesterday while bored at work. I almost want to do an effort post regarding thoughts on the supposed immutability of sex, how I see general goals of this whole thing, etc; a lot of trolls kept saying that shit and it was astonishing at how much it misses the point at least for me.
... but it probably mostly boils down to "I'm transhumanist, feel I should or do have the right to change any part of my body for any reason I want, and don't fundamentally care what other people call it save as judgement on them"
I'm "trans" in that that's what society calls people who were born with one configuration who want to be a different one. I'm a woman in that that's my target shape. She/her are the pronouns society decided goes with that. But to me that's all just labels, and someone arguing that I'll never fit into some label or other just... asshole, I don't give a fuck what you think, these labels are for your convenience anyway, you denying them just tells me you're a tool.