I feel that I should preface this by warning questioning people that looking for signs is generally not a good way to find out if you’re trans. Different people experience being trans in different ways....
Very early interactions with other children. Pretty much always being one of the girls, and taking part in activities mostly done by girls while not all that interested in the traditional guy activities.
The school had these horizontal bars my girl friends and I would twirl around endlessly. Did a lot of roleplaying with this same group of friends, including classic ‘damsel in distress’ scenarios, which I related to in particular. Had a crush on one of these girls, and it turns out she fought her best friend over my attention. Cue the 9-year old first relationship experience. We managed to keep it going for a year and a half until she wanted to french kiss me and I chickened out. Worst mistake of my life. 😅
The both of us were real big Tomb Raider fans back then, which was probably my first time experiencing the “be, or be with” confusion. We both had a pretty good claim at the “being” part, since we were both really into gymnastics and pretty bad ass people overall (at least as much as a 9-year old has any right to be). Naturally this would become a problem for roleplaying purposes, which I understood, so I was content being Indiana Jones instead. Looking back at those times something was definitely off there.
Then there’s the mostly relating to female characters part in general, which never really stopped. And today I just consider this part of who I am. I have female role models, deal with it!
I have been refered to with the feminine variant of my name by a girl friend from next door when I was a kid. Made me wonder if she actually knew my name, no confusion at all at being “misgendered” there. Turns out, she was onto something. Currently debating using both forms of my name interchangably to see what it’s like.
Had a first real crossdressing experience when I was about 13 years old, which was for a school play. Probably enjoyed being dolled up with the help of classmates way more than the average cis male should. Once again, hindsight is 20/20.
Most of the stronger signs are a recent thing though, and I see daily life in a different light now. It’s actually kinda fun going out in public and looking at women around my age because the confusing part is over. I can now just look at women and either crush on them, envy them or both at the same time (which is unexpectedly thrilling). I guess it’s similar to the experience a bisexual friend of mine described after coming out. “There’s no more pressure, I can just look at others and enjoy, instead of feeling confused”.
I’m kind of in a mental state where being trans is probably a good fit for me, but I’m trying to figure out more before committing to any coming out or transitioning. So I expect to keep experimenting to get a grip on who I want to be. In the mean time it’s posting here as an outlet and figuring out what I can get away with in my appearance in daily life without having to explain what’s going on.
Oh thank you for this! I definitely want to actively explore further, and I don’t really think of it as gatekeeping myself behind the right label.
It’s mostly me being conscious and afraid of making decisions that have a lasting impact, like coming out (even if it’s just about the fact that I’m figuring things out). Physical changes that can’t easily be reversed are still a ways away.
But I will try to take your advice to heart and allow myself to take some steps. There’s always the option of chickening out, right?
There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I’m really curious what it’s like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread....
As a model for infinitely unique human characteristics that can be plotted along several different dimensions, the vector representation makes a lot of sense.
But as with anything that models reality, some of the nuance is lost because we can’t feasibly infinitely detail the model for it to still be a useful representation.
So no, you’re not crazy for framing gender as a vector space, you’re just a huge nerd. 😇
(Edit: Now complete the assignment! [glares at you from a distance])
Thanks for your reply! I love your take on finding beauty in both sides, seems like letting go of a need to be one or the other might feel freeing in a way.
Would you say that sexuality and romantic preferences are more connected for you specifically, or are there still differences? For me there’s a clear difference between sexual and romantic attraction. And it would make sense that there is some difference for pansexual or panromantic people as well. To put it bluntly, would the answer to “Fuck and Marry” be the same person, or would they be different? (We don’t kill people here).
And does your intention to put yourself out there more as an introverted person stem from something more? For me, there was a clear goal of combating shyness and improving self-esteem that made me put myself into more social situations. And I felt like I deserve to reap the benefits of having more developed social skills every once in a while.
If you feel any of these things are too sensitive, or personal to talk about, just know that catgirls are naturally curious and will not hold it against you if you draw the line somwhere.
Nah, society is just a bunch of idiots smashing rocks together, and we all stare at the ones with the biggest or the shiniest rocks. That does not mean your enjoyment of playing with sticks is invalid.
And this is in no way an attempt to put people into discrete boxes. The body might fit for most, but then there’s the pesky tail that sticks out. It’s those quirks that make us unique that I’m after here, and testing the limits of your model is one way to do it.
The beauy of n-dimensional space is that you can just add dimensions if you feel like you’re being projected into lower-dimensional space and details get lost in translation.
But there’s also the thing where the act of taking a measurement affects the thing being measured, so “n-ball of uncertainty” is perfectly fine!
Wow, thanks so much for sharing this! Truly beautiful and inspiring to read.
I think I get the whole fuckable friends part, even though it doesn’t quite work that way for me. You already share a certain bond of friendship, trust or intimacy to a certain degree. So I see how that could open up the door for things to progress beyond platonic.
Alignment of kinks is probably more important for a healthy sex life than most people realise, and at least from my experience compromise never works out in the long term.
Your story on confidence, self-esteem and becoming more outgoing definitely hits home, as I imagine it will for many here. I used to be pretty outgoing as a kid, but high school and a combination of factors changed that dramatically. Reaching emotional maturity earlier than my peers, HSP and witnessing the sheer evil early teens are capable of all around me turned me into the quiet kid that somehow managed to stand out. Kinda hard to be outgoing when you don’t quite trust or like anyone around you. New environments and fresh starts definitely help out though, and studying was definitely the tipping point. I’ve been clawing my way back to my childhood self-esteem ever since. And I’m proud to say I’m getting there.
All in all happy to hear you managed a way to stop denying yourself the attention you deserve, as this post proves you’re worth listening to. Definitely going to take some inspiration from your story.
Oh and now I need this magic PH lipstick, where can I get some?
Thanks for sharing! Sad to hear the bar is so low and your community still can’t get their shit together. When is the world going to learn it’s the transphobic bigots we should be afraid of?!
Any amount of labels changing around is lilely a sign that the labels themselves are a shit representation (which, coincidentslly is also why there are so many of them). The entire point of this post was to give people some space to express the “ifs and buts” of their identities, which you’ve done a great job at.
I’m binary, but I feel that this is largely because I am a child of the era I was raised in and because of the binary experience of my physical dysphoria.
That’s an interesting take, and I’m sure it’s not something we can put a pin in without watching an entire new generation of people grow up with a different concept of gender identity out there. Curious to see what time will teach us.
I don’t have a relationship with masculinity or femininity, and find them both of confusing. I resented both of them as a child and young adult, and just assumed that everyone felt trapped by them.
Sometimes it just be like that. I’d tell you “it is what it is”, but a certain meme told me I’m running out of those. Definitely interesting to see how social constructs are experienced in such a different way by different people. Guess the binary representation never made sense in the first place, since there’s also a cultural aspect to what is represented in the concept either male or female, making it impossible to define universally. But we’re still a long ways away from a world where none of that matters anymore.
Interesting to read your perspective on romance vs. sexuality. Confirms to me that the way we love or make love is definitely as diverse as our collective gender identities are. And hey, you get to pick the lucky individual(s) eligible to date you. So if feeling queer is part of what makes you happy, any potential partner has a responsibility to make you feel as queer as possible.
I’m an extroverted and proud queer! My social circles are almost entirely neurodivergent and/or queer folk
I’m sure there’s a venn diagram in there somewhere!
I do admit, the title is actually kinda clickbaity in hindsight. Probably could’ve done better.
You really need to see Her if you haven’t yet. Like seriously.
Went to IMDB to look it up and the front page featured a spotlight of the new Joker movie (starring… you guessed it!). Movie seems interesting, definitely going to watch sometime soon!
Sexuality: Yes lol.
Sometimes less is more. xD
I could use some girl friends irl, or just friends in general.
Yeah, no harm in making some friends. Issue is just “where do you start?”, dream is to be magically adopted into a nice friend group, but things just don’t work like that usually. Or at least they don’t when you’re sober.
Hypothetically, if you had unlimited options with infinite success rates, what kind of friends would you add to your social circle first? Girl friends, guy friends, trans friends, enby friends, neurodivergent friends, nerd friends, or any other brand of friends I haven’t listed?
Would definitely offer you my friendship application! If you feel like chatting, DM me and I’ll send you my matrix details.
If we took fear out of the equation somehow, do you feel it’s useful to have a distinction between your personal identity and what you’re comfortable with presenting to the outside world? I know anxiety about how my surroundings would react is definitely keeping me from experimenting with my appearance more than I do. But until I do, there’s probably no way to know for sure if there would still be some sort of disconnect between internal indentity and presenting identity.
I’m Attracted to feminity in general, but basically anyone with boobs can do, depending on the Person
Hey we’re similar on that front! From your wording I take it that you also prefer boobs over butts? There’s just something about them… [slips into daydream]
With both ADHD and autism, communication with most ppl is very challengen and exhausting for me, so I just like to hang around ppl who can actually get behind what I’m saying, regardless of their gender
From my experience in interacting with autistic people (kind of a given with a tech background), I’ve always found that most people simply don’t understand what autism is like and as a result most interactions are missing the communicative parts crucial to someone with autism. As the HSP idiot I usually end up being the one to translate and explain to them what’s causing all the friction (which is self-interest, since friction affects me).
I’ve witnessed multiple times that people can’t stand the autistic person until I explain to them what’s really going on, and it usually changes their demeanor towards them drastically.
I feel like you might gravitate towards people who can instinctively notice your needs and will at the very least not strike out against them.
Partly because of my OCD feeding me intrusive thoughts about sexuality for most of my teens.
Our brains can be such a problem sometimes! Though to be fair we’re similar on that front, and it took me a while to come to terms with it as well. It’s likely because of the feelings either not being very strong or very consistent that you’re going to doubt them. OCD surely doesn’t help though.
Social tolerance: it’s… complicated? Irl I’m the type that starts out very reserved, but if I spend enough time with someone, something in my head clicks and then I never shut up when I’m with them.
Oh yeah, that’s definitely me as well. Always have trouble with people I don’t know because I’m not sure how they will respond to me. As soon as the baseline has been established and I feel comfortable they’re free game! 😅
finsexual maybe? Finromantic?
I’ll look into it, thanks!
I think that introversion/extroversion and reclusion/outgoingness are actually different spectrums. You can be outgoing but still need time alone to recharge your social batteries.
And this is exactly the kind of nuance I was looking for! Thanks for being critical. Framing it this way definitely helps to explain my weird love-hate relationship with other people. There might be a third dimension to it, but I’ll save that brainbreaker for another time.
Oh god, what have you done?! My impulse control is definitely being tested here!(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
The stuff probably contains phenolphtalein pH indicator, which turns pink in alkaline conditions. Our saliva varies between a pH of 6.3 to about 7.9 with 7 being considered neutral. Not sure if 7.9 is alkaline enough for the color change to dramatic enough, so it might contain something else that works at a different range. Principle is the same though: Magic colour changing chemical meets pH that isn’t quite neutral and turns itself pink.
And thank you! Not only for your kind words, but for being the kind of person who makes this kind of platform available and welcoming. It’s a lovely encouragement to engage with this community and gives a beautiful outlet and inlet for ideas and conversation.
Aww thanks for your kind words! I actually joined here not too long after lurking for a while because it seemed like a safe place to try and express a side of myself that I don’t really share with the public yet. Figured this would be a good place to experiment interacting with people that have a chance of understanding what I’m finding out about myself. The goal was always a mix of shitposting, celebrating differences, discussing interesting things, providing others with a laugh and leaving wholesome messages. Your feedback counts as a big compliment and tells me I’m probably doing well at the wholesome part.
Thanks for sharing! Can’t quite recall if I’ve ever met a butch lesbian trans woman before, but that’s probably just lack of exposure on my part. Your description of “masculine woman” is definitely a vivid one though, and it makes sense to me.
I don’t really know how I’d rate myself on a “Masculine-feminine” spectrum.
Great news! Staying true to the definition or existence of a masculine-feminine spectrum was never the point of this post, and you managed to satisfy my curiosity without even answering this question. So yeah, fuck the spectrum, it doesn’t exist. 😇
The other thing that has piqued my interest is your preference for socializing with women. Have you given any thought to the reason behind that, or does it just play out that way? As with everyone else I’ve asked a follow-up question, don’t feel obligated to answer if you feel I’m prying too much.
Yeah I definitely saw the meme alright. From within my little bubble… while riding public transport. I had to contain my laughter so hard it hurt. The censorship just made it even better. Also definitely a mood I’m not unfamiliar with.
I really want to have girl and trans girl friends irl. I want to be around fem people that can maybe help me with girl stuff like fashion, and trans girl stuff like passing. So in the hypothetical, I’d probably want trans girl friends first.
Yeah I definitely get that. I feel like making trans girl friends is the safest way to get into that stuff because at the very least you’re sure they won’t have a wildly unpredictable reaction to the “hey, BTW I’m trans” revelation (depending on where you are with respect to transitioning of course). I definitely feel like I could use some real life trans girl friends, even if it were just to express myself more freely like I do on here. The big issue is actually finding them when you’re not ready to commit to something like going to local support groups.
So sorry to hear about your social circle breaking down. Sounds like it is for the best though, and I’m willing to bet any new friends you’ll gain will probably be better for you in the long run. I’ve been through a similar situation where I’ve pretty much not retained any friendships growing up. Every friend I’ve made since has been great so far, even though I still don’t maintain many friendships. Bottom line is there’s always hope, just gotta find the right people.
The stuff on reddit can get wild. Or it could. I don’t browse there anymore, since the events of last year.
Yeah they just had to kill the third-party clients and set their platform on fire. Well not “they”, we all know who is at fault, but this is not that kind of post and we’re not turning it into one.
If only there was some way of maybe scheduling a headless browser to steal all the juicy stuff that might be left without providing any more value to the platform… if only. 😇
I don’t want people to feel that I’m pushing sexual stuff on them, and I don’t want kids to come across it. So that’s why I made the censored version.
Probably a good call, though sexuality is definitely part of a healthy life (no offence, asexual peeps) and that means there should be a place for that kind of engagement.
Speaking of ridiculous US things… yeah, you got the perfect mix of absolute bullshit there. Really makes me think about my frame of reference sometimes. If you’re willing enough, maybe just bite the bullet and help them set up matrix/signal? The privacy benefits alone should be enough to convince them, let alone that it’s a more versatile solution than facebook as a front-end for your community.
And I’m still super nervous about going out fully fem.
Yeah, the world at large is not a cosy place. There will be a point in time or a geographical location where you’re comfortable with it, I’m sure.
“It’d be weird at first.” which isn’t a good reason.
It’s reason enough to feel anxious, maybe not reason enough to just accept and let it stop you from doing something in your own interest. You might just be afraid of people thinking differently of you, even though they won’t show it. Which is perfectly reasonable. What you have going for you is that if you did go there, you always the option of never coming back again if you get a negative result. That will definitively shift your focus towards finding new people to connect with.
Astrology Rule (slrpnk.net)
I made this shitty meme myself!
What thoughts/memories did you have before coming out, in hindsight, are big signs you were trans?
I feel that I should preface this by warning questioning people that looking for signs is generally not a good way to find out if you’re trans. Different people experience being trans in different ways....
rule (beehaw.org)
I'm bitches (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
[CW: Disassociation] Ok but i actually don't remember my late teens uwu (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
Who you are vs. Who you like?
There have been similar posts in the past and you all might be tired of commenting on them, but I’m really curious what it’s like for others. So here I am posting my own question thread....