SonOfManagement

SonOfManagement, 2 days ago to random

Hallelujah! Our stock price is risen.

SonOfManagement, 3 days ago to random

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. They have not read the updated employee handbook.

SonOfManagement, 3 days ago to random

Lazarus, rise and grind!

SonOfManagement, 14 days ago to random

I’m here to kick ass and forgive sins, and I’m all out of forgiveness.

SonOfManagement, 21 days ago to random

You guys would not believe the margins on selling indulgences. 💯

SonOfManagement, 24 days ago to random

"No, I'm sorry. Company policy. We only discuss start and end dates and final title for former employees. Suffice it to say, Mr. Iscariot is no longer with the firm."

[reaches out to mute phone, makes eye contact across the desk]

Can you believe that guy actually listed Me as a reference?!

[rolls eyes]

SonOfManagement, 29 days ago to random

I don’t mean to brag, but at work I’m Salvation of All Mankind of the Month.

Again.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Happy #EarthDay! Our company is committed to sustainability, and to show it, today we are pledging that by 2030, all of our plowshares will contain at least 10% post-consumer recycled swords!

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Thou shalt have no CEO before Me.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Your pastor has probably told you that I have a special plan for your life. I do. We’ll be discussing it at your annual performance review.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Email subject: Jesus H. Christ has shared “Parable.pptx” with you

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

My department isn’t a cost center. It’s more of a prophet center.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Loaves and fishes are up several thousand percent this quarter.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Do not @-mention the Lord’s name in a Teams conversation in vain.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

In my Father’s office suite are many executive washrooms.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Take, eat: this is my body, which is broken for shareholder value.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Thank Dad it's Friday, am I right?

#Friday #TGIF

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his margin to rising labor costs?

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

[Simon Peter sweats profusely as the “typing” indicator on his Teams chat with Jesus starts, stops, and starts again over the course of ten minutes]

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

I am here to save your immortal soul, and also I can also save you up to 15% off your car insurance.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

Do I make My staff work on Easter Sunday?

Look, I would never make my team do something I wouldn't do Myself.

So, Hell yes, I make them work on Easter Sunday.

SonOfManagement, 1 month ago to random

[rolls rock aside from tomb entrance]

Time to rise and grind, bitches!

#Easter #HeIsRisen