Emotionally wrung out after my counselling session. I was supposed to join an online journaling group at 3pm but I was far too tearful. I’m weepy because the counsellor was NICE and VALIDATING and concerned with my wellbeing and happiness. These things make me come undone
@purplepadma That's tough on you but a positive tough. Sounds like you've got a good 'un there.
Have some sense of how that can be - when life kicking stuff happens, Mme's keeping it together, meets kind people & knows that, with their responses to sharing, there will be tears, its: "Don't be nice to me!".
Annnnnd I’m on the train home. Brunch with friend was lovely, we sat outside as the weather is gorgeous (although this did mean exposing ourselves to the never ending construction noise of Swansea city centre). Bought some new sandals and some chorizo
Good morning! Even though I’m feeling a lot better, a big source of anxiety for me is the thought of travelling anywhere by myself. So I am bravely going to Swansea on the train this morning to meet my friend. Telling myself I can absolutely do this, it’s just the journey I used to take to work, but I’m weirdly nervous. It’ll be fine, right?
@purplepadma Good morning. It is brave, go for it maybe step by step. Will there be any nice or regular things to look for & focus on as you travel? Enjoy the meet!
I’ve just spent two hours on admin tasks I haven’t had the strength to do in the past weeks, everything from enquiring who to send my sick note to some financial stuff to trying to get a sitter for Miss Cinnamon when we go away in July. Very tired now! But pleased with what I’ve achieved
@purplepadma Good job! Mme finds life admin demands so much energy anticipating doing it & more if putting tricky stuff off for any reason. Ticked off two of those tricky put-off things today, so feeling pretty pleased with that too.
@vapaad@RickiTarr With you there - and, if people do have children for that reason, there's no guarantee that a) there'd be the kind of relationship where they'd want/be able to care for an elderly parent, or b) they won't have moved away to the other end of the country or another country altogether.
Mood much improved by a sunny drive to the garden centre. Now wearing my new Hawaiian pattern jumpsuit and pink sandals, and drinking 0% spiced rum and ginger ale on the patio. Feeling very summery!
@purplepadma You're complementing the weather! Garden centre visit here too, suspect Mme was a little overenthusiastic flowering plant-wise. Lots more pots to sort out tomorrow!
Really nervous about this psychiatric nurse (if that’s what she is) coming round tomorrow. I struggle to articulate what I think I need when asked. I think probably what I need most is a professional to seem like they care and hold hope for me that I will get better
@purplepadma@stevenixon Second the writing down strategy. Not the same situation but find the stress & build up to most appts risks failure to articulate & not presenting or getting what's wanted from it - followed by kicking self afterwards! Eventually got into a habit of advance noting down how things are & what's wanted, along with a reminder not to end the meeting without asking what the plan is from there.
Hope today's visit goes well for you🤞
PhD studies formally suspended for two months. As I anticipated, that means no pay 😬 My supervisor was so lovely, recognising how disappointing it is for me to be unwell again. She said, “It’s shit, Charlotte, I’m sorry”, and she’s right. I cried throughout the entire meeting 🙄
@purplepadma Your supervisor sounds lovely in understanding how things are & feel for you. No wonder you cried! Not so good about the financial side but really good you've got time to stand down, stand back & regroup focusing on you - official 🫂
Well, dawn has come, it’s nearly 6am, so that’s another night over. It was unpleasant, but not at gruelling as over the weekend as I finally found a distraction I could focus on. Now time to start worrying about meeting my supervisor at midday 😬
I’ve decided I’m going to ring my consultant’s secretary tomorrow to ask if any outcome from my last phone convo with him. I will calmly explain that I am preoccupied with suicide planning and cannot wait June for next professional input. She may just say to call 111 of course
@purplepadma Sorry the grims, are visiting, here's hoping your birthday time will soon begin to feel more as you'd like it to be. Non intrusive hugs sent your way 🥰
So dinner out would’ve been nice except for the obnoxiously loud people at the next table. They were a group of six and they all had their volumes turned up to 11, especially when laughing. It made it hard to hold our own conversation. Why are some people like this??
@purplepadma Horrible when that behaviour ruins others' experiences, especially if effort's been invested psyching up for social stuff.
Were once thoroughly fed up with a similar group whose shouty volume rose even further in line with the number of expensive wines consumed. Asked the lovely passing FoH if we could please move to a table further away from the floor show. They got it, shifted us unfussily & our evening was salvaged. We all breathed a sigh of relief when the group left.
Yes! I have been selected for that mental health blogging internship I told you about. IDK if I was the best candidate, or if no one else applied 😂 Anyway, I’m proud of myself