@RickiTarr chronic pain. I spend a lot of time curled up trying not to scream until my throat is raw, and trying to find a way to explain to people that chronic means "chronic", not 'sometimes'
@MikeImBack hugs, there is no way for it not to mess with your brain, and then some fucking idiot tries to tell you, that you just haven't tried their snake oil
@RickiTarr ya it's worse when it's your family and you live with them 😶 can't argue they mean well though. but sometimes it's best just to let people be
@RickiTarr Knowing what the next big disaster I need to prepare for is in order to keep my wife and I safe. Another COVID spike? Local MAGA riots? Food-borne outbreak? Tornado? Collapse of the country? I'm trying to prepare for everything because I have no faith in any government response (at any level) and I'm naturally doing a fractured job on all of it.
Coping mostly involves literally hiding from the world. I haven't seen most of my friends and family since 2019. 😥
@RickiTarr Damn near everything. Coping is basically self-care and taking care of my car with a rigid timeline of fixes, because without it I am completely helpless. Something goes wrong at all and I am on my own.
Hearing everyone’s advice on the matter:
“Ask someone from your family to move in.” I did, repeatedly. No takers.
“Get another job to speed up your plans.” I’ve got three. At the same place, but maximizing my earning potential has already been realized. Extremely privileged I am in a position to do this, and still have weekends completely off.
“Get a 2nd Car.” Doesn’t change the fact I can only rely on myself (and AAA) if things go bad. Also double the expenses in several places: maintenance, registration, insurance, etc.
“Quit and do something else.” Uh, tech jobs are on the decline. If I do, it’s eating minimum wage at entry level jobs all over again hoping to get back to where I am now.
“Move somewhere else.” Oh, I’m trying. Especially when November comes around if the Darkest Timeline reaffirms itself, to hell with my plans and just get to safety.
@RickiTarr Hmmm. Probably my late-realized autism.
It's not "curable" and there are no drugs for it, which I really don't mind. It's given me such deep insight into my entire life that it's been a very valuable and helpful realization. But, even with this self-knowledge, my daily life isn't easy.
How do I cope? Connecting with other ND people, both here on the Fedi and IRL. They're all amazing human beings who make me feel much less alone and weird.
@RickiTarr Stage 4 breast cancer. I have support from family and friends, but no one can really understand what it’s like to know that death is just around the corner, waiting. A certain level of denial always exists for me - hey, maybe they will find that cure in time - but I’ve tried to make peace with death as much as I can. I cope by getting on with my life and refusing to let cancer define me.
@RickiTarr My career you mean? I do what I can find locally, which isn't much, and constantly search for something better. I can find very few jobs for though.
That there's an entire generation that believe they're always right and that what other people think is always more important than what I (or my generation and those following) think or feel because they believe empathy is a weakness.
I bicycle. I walk. I can sometimes be very silly. On purpose.
@RickiTarr I lost my wife suddenly eight years ago. It was preventable, in hindsight. I promised her I’d take care of her mother, but after years of being her caregiver and then a nursing home she passed from dementia a month ago. On the day back from bereavement my employer put me on a “Performance Improvement Plan”, because I wasn’t fast enough. Now it seems I’ve not improved enough. I’ve applied to dozens of places and have only received 2 responses- rejections.
I’ll find out next week if I’m still employed.
I hope you are faring better Ricki.
@RickiTarr I’m so sorry for just dumping this out there. Ironically enough the PIP ends on my late wife’s birthday. Any suggestions or advice are very welcome.
@RickiTarr UPDATE: what I most dreaded but completely expected has come to pass. I now get to look for a less stressful job full time. I expected to be alone in this endeavor, but a lot of my old coworkers are reaching out and helping. It warms my heart that there are those who care for my welfare. My faith in humanity is strong
@phudgins@RickiTarr sorry to hear this, Pete. If you have a site or post or whatever you want shared, hit me up. I’m more than happy to give you a shout out here and/or on LinkedIn.
@RickiTarr Guess I'd have to say for me it's unemployment, and apparently I cope by making charts of the fruitless job search, which is just about to hit its one-year anniversary. 😟
@RickiTarr Under medicated/treated chronic pain (I'm allergic to almost all pain meds). I cope mostly by blasting complicated music (avant garde jazz/classical or prog rock) while reading books. The twin stimuli fill up my mind enough to distract me from the pain. Oh, and biofreeze. So much biofreeze.
Also, I avoid most IRL socializing because it's really hard to spare the energy to be polite when I'm having to expend so much "playing through the pain."
@KateOfMind@RickiTarr I lived in a horrid fog of pain for a blip, like 10 weeks or something, and I realized jeez what a privileged oblivious world we usually live in . I'm so sorry especially you, one of the coolest people ever
@RickiTarr Being an outcast. I have a hard time connecting with people. I’ve been told I’m “intimidating” but I’m not aggressive at all. I’m more of a wallflower and I listen before I speak. I think people interpret it as arrogance or being so well adjusted I don’t need anything in terms of emotional support. I struggle to understand it and have tried to really look at myself and why it keeps happening. I don’t think I’m on the spectrum or anything. I’m just reserved. So I failed miserably at making “mom friends” when we moved to the burbs. I’ve lost long time friends, including one who I considered a very close friend who just ghosted me about a decade ago. It’s a thing professionally too. I worked at my old place for 15 years, I have “esteem” in my field and it was fuckin crickets when I resigned. People I’d have expected to check in on me were silent and someone I wouldn’t have actually checked in on me. It was wild. So I worry I’ll be a lonely old lady one day. But my kids seem to like me. For now 😊
@tayfonay@RickiTarr Well I think you are just wonderful and am only annoyed that we don’t get to hang out irl. You’re smart and funny and very supportive of me.
@RickiTarr Absurdism. Life has no meaning, but it always feels like it should. Other people try to help by essentially telling me my worldview is incorrect. Coping would be denial. I can only accept it, and squirm under the onus of my own false perceptions, or play along with everyone else's overlapping worlds of make-believe.
Some people's universes are fun to play in. Others force people into their hellish dystopia. I try to be among the former.
@RickiTarr Bipolar. I’m on all the meds and have had all the therapy. I have a decent psychiatrist. I do better now than I used to but my life still gets hijacked every year-18 months by an active episode. It makes it very, very difficult to build/maintain a career. I don’t really cope with it, I just despair
@RickiTarr Losing my hearing, used to be a social butterfly, not anymore, sick of dealing with ignorance. Had so much discrimination to deal with in former place of employment that I ended up in hospital.
Then I started to put myself first on my own terms. I have health/MH issues all directly connected to being deaf in an able hearing world. They don't make it easy if you're ever so slightly different from what is called a 'social norm'.
@RickiTarr I have terminal cancer and I'm super lonely. I cope with it by snuggling with the dogs, but seems like that's not going to last much longer. I'm so damned tired.
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