So, the Karen came after me again today, AND I heard from the park people.
She came after me twice, screaming about committing a felony and police calls and having me on video. I told her to stop harassing me and to leave me alone, I also mocked her to the extent of my morning brain's capacity.
Spoiler: she didn't leave me alone.
An animal control officer got back to me, and after the required transfers and telling my ridiculous story multiple times, was told that they have no idea which government body is supposed to be in charge of setting the rules.
However, the park office team that maintains it said nothing but gravel is supposed to be in that area of the park, and they have entered a work order to officially remove ALL the weeds.
So now there will be no more sunflowers, fox tails, thistles, or other weeds. Super big win, because I couldn't pull all the fox tails myself.
The park office will get back to me after the holiday with any info they can dig up about who actually sets the rules for that particular park, but the issue is as settled as it is going to get.
The official on the phone said she hopes that having an official team remove all the weeds will get the Karens to leave me alone, and the animal control officer said if she comes after me again to not hesitate to call dispatch for harassment. I did snap a pic of the sign and of her license plate, in case I end up skewered in a ditch somewhere.
Hopefully I have properly applied the metaphorical blood on my lintel, and the Weed Avenger can pass by and leave me alone henceforth.
AITA for ripping up wildflowers and stirring up the Karen brigade?
I'll try to keep this short. A local dog park has three areas, two of which are for large/ active dogs. The front area is watered, grass, and maintained. The back area is gravel, and the weeds are allowed to grow at will. This part of the park is surrounded by empty fields on three sides, so the weeds are plentifully available.
Some of these weeds are wild sunflowers, which I enjoyed until my dog got stabbed by the dried up stems last year. One stab wound was 12 inches deep, running along the inside of her skin and over the muscle and bone. You could see her ribs in the gash. That was about $800 to fix. The second was more superficial, so I treated it myself. That second time was when I realized what caused the injury.
So this year, not wanting any dogs to be injured again, I started slowly ripping up the seedlings as they came in. No one has ever asked me about it.
This morning, there was a red marker laminated sign hole punched and zip tied to the fence saying "Please don't pick the sunflowers, other people enjoy them."
I laughed it off, and grabbed a couple more sprouts as I was picking up my and others' dogs' poop. A woman passing by said to me "did you see the sign?"
I said "yes, it's hilarious," and explained why I was removing them.
She said "well, MY dogs enjoy them."
I'm a bit slow on the uptake, but as she walked away, I realized it must have been her and this other old lady at the park that I've had situations with before. The other lady started taking pictures or video of me and my dogs.
There are no policies or laws posted against what I'm doing that I know of. I reached out to the park office this morning to ask if I should stop, so hopefully they will hear my message and I'll get some info from them.
In the meantime, am I a raging AH? It never occurred to me that people would get upset about removing a hazard like that until this "confrontation."
As a victim of domestic violence who has spent years online trying to help other victims, Reddit's act of undeleting several of my deleted comments just made me have to go through and manually delete. In the process, I had to relive a huge chunk of trauma.
No, some of my restored comments had been removed years ago because they were too identifying to leave out there, once the purpose of support was accomplished.
I was responding to someone and spent a long time typing this out, then thought it might be helpful to modify and post here.
Your ex may not have to expressly agree to things. If you're running ragged trying to force an agreement, you may still be owning too much of this. Talk this over with a lawyer before doing it, but you might want to try applying gray rock.
First, you need to realize that you are not responsible for coming to an agreement.
Think about that one for awhile. You have no obligation to do any more work than he does to come to an agreement.
That means that all that effort and running around, trying to make him make decisions is wasted effort. He's got you dancing like a puppet on strings, predictably using whatever power he has to control and manipulate you.
He's loving it.
Of course he is. Remember, they don't want relationships, they want control. He's getting fed, fat and happy off of sucking your energy and watching you wear yourself out.
So pore carefully over the requirements of your agreement. Look for ways to do what's in there and nothing else.
There are a few types of decisions you have to make, and I'll use the two main ones to illustrate.
A school needing parent chaperones is a perfect example of the first. This is a decision that is time sensitive, but not crucial.
Yes, they need chaperones. Pass that information on to him (better if you can just get him added to the email list.) Ignore it from there. If you can chaperone, great, go help out. If not, don't worry about whether or not he can. The worst that can happen is you both sign up to chaperone. If so, let your kid go with him and have fun with the kids you end up with. Operate in a parallel universe from his.
Don't sweat the small stuff. It's (almost) all small stuff.
Another kind of decision is that which is crucial and time sensitive. Say you have to choose a school for a child to go to, and he has to agree.
First, make sure that you communicate through a documentation app like OurFamilyWizard.
Second, give the information like you would a business proposal. If possible, narrow options down to two you can live with. Then outline your recommendation, and attach a time to answer before he chooses your recommendation by default. (Sometimes I recommend the opposite of what I actually want, but only if the two options are genuinely the same to me. That's a risky game and requires a careful hand.)
Like this: "[School] requires enrollment by [date]. This would benefit [child] because [reasons, bulleted list].
"In order to fill out the paperwork, I need to know if you support [child] going to [school] by [date]. If I don't hear from you by then, I will assume you agree to have them attend.
"Let me know if you have any questions."
Now you have timeboxed him with reasonable expectations. If he later wants to go to court over it, he's going to look like a fool trying to argue that you're not involving him.
You also showed no emotion, no real line for him to feed from.
He will try. They always try. Just continue responding the same way. Say he denies their attendance at that school. Simply say, "I understand this means that you are not willing to support [child] in [benefits the child will be losing.] I do not believe this is best for [child.]"
Then choose one of three things.
If you can support the child without help from him, say it's dance lessons on your custodial day, simply state you will be taking them yourself. "For this reason, I'll be taking [child] while they are with me. If you change your mind and would also like to support them in their activity, please let me know."
If it's something critical that you can't do without him, like a medical treatment or regular therapy, add nothing more to your response and take him to court. Don't tell him you're doing it. Just file the motion. Telling him stirs up drama by providing him with a line to feed from.
If you can't do it alone, but it's not anything critical, say it's a week-long summer camp, add "It means a lot to [child] to be able to go." Then drop it. Don't discuss it with him further unless it's because he's changed his mind.
Don't let the child go. DON'T tell your child "dad won't let you go." Just find something else fun that you can do during that time when you have them and don't mention it again. Even if it's just going out for a treat.
If your kid complains, just tell them "I'm sorry you can't go. I really wish you could." When they press for reasons, just say "I'm not sure why you can't go." Then change the subject. It's also okay to tell them "I can't discuss this with you." They will eventually catch on and start pressuring their dad for the things they want without putting you in the middle. They will pressure each of you separately, and it gets hard for the narc to maintain image while still saying no.
Meanwhile, work on getting tiebreakers that don't require court added into your contractual orders.