KarthNemesis
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KarthNemesis

@KarthNemesis@kbin.social

hello, i am just a friendly lurker at heart
...recovering recluse

I think you're neat.

Could bipolar people also be 'on the spectrum'? I had a natural birth (oxygen could have been cut off to my brain during birth?)

I’m not the kind of ‘trendy’ bipolar, although my cunt of an aunt believes I have ‘convinced’ myself of that, despite being to the nuthouse twice (50 days total) and several psycho-shinks having diagnosed me with several other mental disorders; the very first nuttyness I got diagnosed with was of course, ADD/ADHD. I...

KarthNemesis,
KarthNemesis avatar

I have autism and bipolar 1.

Autism does not have pills.
Circumstances of your birth have no causation to autism. Neither to circumstances of your life. All sorts of people have autism from all walks of life.

A reason to research and understand one's own autism is to recognize what in your life overwhelms you, and how to structure your life in a way that is comfortable and functional to you, without a judgemental neurotypical lens. To embrace who you are, rather than try to force yourself to be something you are not.

You can seek a diagnosis if you wish, but I can't tell you if it'd give you what you're looking for.

I learned about my conditions through following various mental health communities for years and seeing what had commonalities with me through the fun lens of dank memes. I also learned a lot about medications, warning signs in therapists, and I learned what mental health conditions I don't have. Can't say if that'd work for everyone, either, but I did learn a lot more from the communities directly rather than reading the clinical book definitions.

KarthNemesis,
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To add to your statement, irritability is also a very common expression of bipolar.

KarthNemesis, (edited )
KarthNemesis avatar

I read somewhere a long time ago that just because a term is in the form of an acronym, that doesn’t change what comes before it.

I was taught this as well, but unfortunately I think you and I were misled.
Still, they both sound "icky" to me, ha.

KarthNemesis, (edited )
KarthNemesis avatar

literally neither was. they both looked and felt very alien.

i've pinned my suddenly having weird, "grammar is starkly bizarre" issues down to being a side effect of adjusting my meds. hoping that fades later.

edit: and also i do think your statement is a very practical answer in a general sense :)

Recommendations of what fabrics to wear?

I want to be more respecting of my own sensory needs, and notice certain fabrics are incredible uncomfortable, as opposed to others. I’ve also noticed loose clothing feels more comfortable for me, then tight clothes. Cotton feels good, polyester does not. I understand this may potentially vary for each person, but wanted to...

KarthNemesis,
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I'm allergic to polyester and most anything made of plastic. I get painful open sores, and hideously itchy. It is difficult to find clothes at best.
Plastic is snuck in more shit than you'd think. Often unlabelled. More than one pair of pants/shorts I've had to ditch/edit because the pockets were polyester or nylon in a "100% cotton" garment. Drawstrings are bad for this, too. And waistbands.

Seems to be weirdly common to be adverse to plastic-based fabrics in autistic communities.

I most often wear:

cotton/linen/canvas/denim
rayon/bamboo (plant based, do need to be a bit careful because people fake it, very loose "swishy" fabric)
hemp
real leather ("vegan leather" is literally plastic and i will fight people greenwashing calling it "vegan" and not the awful pleather it is.) (very difficult to find coats without nylon linings though.)

KarthNemesis,
KarthNemesis avatar

Cork and fungus leather sounds absolutely sick. I hope fully plant-based leather catches on, because I haven't seen any anywhere.

From looking around, it looks like a lot of current plant stuff still tends to be mixed with polyurethane or coated with plastic 8i
(Polyurethane is, ...I don't think plastic. It's dense reading trying to figure out what exactly it is! But it seems to be mixed with plastic undisclosed sometimes? Regardless it doesn't seem great for me either...)

I'm glad that "the market" is moving further and further away from plastic as a whole in the past few years.
It sounds like there are some promising, but slow, developments in trying to make more pure plant leather.

(Would plant-leather be "planter?" "Planther?" /thonk.)

KarthNemesis,
KarthNemesis avatar

i'm fairly sure the point (whether calculated, or more likely, mostly not) of having politics moved there is because there is no political topic that could be discussed properly there. it makes for good, distracting noise.

it makes for a lack of meaningful critique, or for that critique to be instantly buried in bad actors. noise is a shield. noise is easily dismissable.

monetized social media, in general, is made to be clickbait, to feed negative emotions because that's what gets people addicted to outrage, it steers people towards thinking less and reacting more. nuanced discussion and thoughtful spaces are drowned out and cast aside for the loudest and most obnoxious players. this is appealing for someone trying to uphold the status quo or push society towards hate.

i don't think it's a coincidence that politicians have moved there, that spaces have become so polarized and negatively charged, and that the most prime example of both of these happenings is xwitter. everything is connected in this big, terrible, and vaguely randomly evolved system. i do think evolution is the best word for it. what lives, survives to propagate. it doesn't matter how healthy it is. the result is this blind, meandering, gargantuan worm, following the scent of blood, feeding on the worst of it all.

xwitter is easy and, notably, if you're a powerful white man, you can build your base with no accountability. it exists in this space where it's the most serious news source that almost no one takes that seriously. of course it's appealing.

KarthNemesis,
KarthNemesis avatar

Two things can be true.

KarthNemesis,
KarthNemesis avatar

You're phrasing this as a rebuttal when these points were an explicitly acknowledged part of my original stance. It is a bit odd.

whether calculated, or more likely, mostly not

everything is connected in this big, terrible, and vaguely randomly evolved system. i do think evolution is the best word for it. what lives, survives to propagate. it doesn't matter how healthy it is.

Both quotes from my original posting, here. If you want to point out something that I had missed, it would be more time efficient to have picked something I had missed?
I'm bemused.

Best Graphic card for Linux Gaming (lemmy.wtf)

Are they some graphic card benchmark for linux environment ? From my windows experience, drivers are important, and often underestimate. My linux gaming experience is very bad, lots of my game are unstable, and others use a lot more resources than with windows. However, when I ask people, some of them have no issue at all, even...

KarthNemesis,
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i like my AMD ATI Radeon RX 5600. after I figured out it has a tiny tiny TINY hidden physical overclock switch they don't ever mention for some godforsaken reason (which is put "on" by default, also for some godforsaken reason) to turn off, it's the most stable graphics card i've ever used.
...i just recommend turning off the tiny evil hidden crash switch of doom.

amd in general is pretty chill on linux for a large portion of people.

KarthNemesis,
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I legit knew a repub irl that baldly admitted to thinking like this.

(Old family friend, used to be the adults' way of saying they were accepting of other political beliefs. "You can make friends/marriages across the aisle work, if you're just patient and tolerant" kind of self-aggrandizement. Cue the guy bullying his liberal wife into voting repub for years and eventually ditching her on a whim after controlling her entire life... at this point even my "tolerant" family was fed up with him and had been sticking around only to keep the wife company, and her poor kids.)

One minor example (of many) of what appeared to be hypocrisy on the surface:
Railing against the welfare system, nonstop unprompted for years, and then when he lost his job he sat on it for as long as possible before he was forced to find a job. It wasn't that he was struggling to find a job, he didn't even attempt to try until the deadline was pending. He was proud of "abusing the system."

I wouldn't even criticize him for it if he hadn't spent years talking about how people who ever used welfare were lazy and selfish. But he was the laziest and most selfish person I have ever spent any meaningful amount of time with. He's a big reason I don't tolerate entertaining republicans.

If that man had a rule he could bend or break, even if it hurt others, maybe especially if it hurt others, he would and feel no regret or remorse. He thought it was mostly amusing to torment people. His kids especially. And his dog.

He's not the only republican I've met that thinks like him. Just the most careless. Said too many quiet parts out loud.

It's not hypocrisy to him. You're absolutely right, it's just them telling on themselves as to what to expect from them if they have the space to. Any leniency in the systems exist to be abused, and too often many of them are too happy to.

KarthNemesis,
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This was during that brief period where it wasn't really in vogue to hate minorities that openly, ha.

KarthNemesis,
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I heard some advice a while back that was along the lines of, "stop apologizing and start thanking," and I feel like it's positively impacted how I phrase things.

Instead of asking forgiveness and moving the conversation into them feeling they have to defend their values on the spot, showing gratitude for their understanding actually makes people feel more valued. "Thank you for your patience" is an entirely different vibe than "sorry I didn't get back to you" and puts much less burden on them. It shows you care about their time without making the focus about your failings and whether or not they agree they are failings.

It's subtle, but I find it's made a huge difference for me.

I also agree with others, in my experience apologies should be reserved for regret and actual feelings of penitence. It's actually a very strong value of mine nowadays, and it certainly makes me much healthier.

Just some thoughts about what I've learned about this particular situation, it's up to you how valid you think they are.

KarthNemesis,
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I do commiserate with the feeling that communicating anything takes a lot of energy and deliberateness to get across what one would actually like to, without compromising values. It's part of why I wouldn't mind finding some autistic friends, it's been exhausting to have had this expected of me by default for so long.

I think surety in ones' own sense of self takes time and introspection like you are doing now. I used to struggle more with being afraid of not "really" being autistic, bipolar etc, but time has showed me that I was right and trusting myself when it comes to myself is the smart thing to do. It's possible you could get a sense of closure in that regard, in time, as well.

But even if you don't, taking it tongue-in-cheek and keeping introspective means you're growing, and that's always a good thing ^^

KarthNemesis,
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I exclusively use "could you repeat that?" Cuz otherwise... yeah.

Rarely, even with being careful, they do still try to expound instead of repeating, which is annoying when I'm trying to accommodate them with specific directions. But it is at least done less.

KarthNemesis,
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"People who are discriminated against have more stress and PTSD. This probably is because they are more sensitive."

Sigh.

KarthNemesis,
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And I said "probably." I didn't misrepresent them.

If it is the first go-to speculation, it is fairly representative of the default of what they assume could be valid, and it's annoying. That the automatic primary speculation is that minorities are "just sensitive" should be challenged. Tentative couching of that prognosis does not excuse them from review.

I realize you did not state this as your position, and I do not expect you to defend it as your own, but I'd very much prefer to stave off any implication.

KarthNemesis,
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It's not a verbatim quote. It's sardonic, derived from the introduction.

I do not like being called "particularly vulnerable to the impact of traumatic events," ha. Even if they are utilizing that phrasing primarily for kids and young adults, and hedge it in tentativeness, it genuinely is not a dissimilar wordage to people who had been abusive to me during those periods of my life.

I wasn't particularly vulnerable to the impact, I was in a crap situation trapped with people who deeply did not understand me, that had complete power over me. That would be bad for anyone.

It's not a critique of the article as a whole. More of a pet peeve on how many people frame approaching autism, even without any malignant intention. I don't hold any ill will against the researchers, I'm just tired.

==

I agree with the conclusion of your shared article that people have a tendency to frame perceptiveness as "too sensitive," twisting a genuine strength into a bad thing to undermine your own critical thinking.

I also want to state somehow that I appreciate the pure good faith way you approached my original comment ha, keep doing what you're doing.

KarthNemesis,
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keep on truckin' yourself. ^^

KarthNemesis,
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for someone totally new?
i guess it depends on what you mean by "addicting," so i'll try to put in "potential hours" as a reference. regardless i think all of these are quite fun and consuming for me for a while.

The Binding of Isaac Rebirth.
its difficulty sort of "scales" with how well you do in your runs: if you never beat mom, the next boss, the next boss etc, it'll stay "easier" for as long as that takes. (and if it gets too hard when you start beating stuff, you can always wipe your save and start over, or start a new save, hah!)
the control scheme is extremely simple and it's fine to not be completely perfect at it if you're just going for basic runs and okay with relying more on "lucking" into victory. you really don't have to take on mega-satan or whatever.
up to you if the horror-to-horror-adjacent visuals appeal or not. you do also have to be okay with the idea of dying, it's a roguelike.
you can play this for literally thousands of hours.

Slime Rancher 1.
just a fun time shlorping up slimes. very low stakes and silly and cute. meant to be pretty accessible. if you're brand new i could see it taking up some time, and it's a good way to learn "video game logic." i've spent 80 hours in SR1, playtimes can be a bit varied.

Plants vs Zombies (the original GOTY edition, and definitely not the ad-ridden mobile port)
old 2000's popcap games in general were onboarding for many a gamer back in the day. i've spent 60 hours of it on steam, no idea how much back in the 2000's. playtimes overall can be a bit all over the map on this one.

Garden Paws,
if you like cutesy and the idea of gathering stuff for villagers, with farming / animal raising mechanics. it's slightly jank but it's very endearing. no fail condition. (it's somewhat similar to stardew valley with some differences!) this can be played almost infinitely, if you really like the loop, decorating, or have a few people to play with. playtimes tend to be 40-200 hours roughly.

Wobbledogs,
if you like the idea of raising cute pets with a genome and don't mind the very subtle horror/bizarre aspects (they can die, eat each other's bodies, and they pupate like caterpillars lol.) pretty sandbox game, and you can turn death off if you want. (or "clone" dogs you want to keep with the export/import tool in the menu.) this is a newer one for me so i've only put in 35 hours, but i fully intend to go back and try for some Huge Dogs TM. average seems about 20 hours but you can spend a lot if you like raising weirdo pets.

KarthNemesis,
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their "hello fellow kids" energy works better for their goofy insignificant patch notes than it does for combating bad PR.

i was very on the fence about keeping it installed on a potato windows laptop i don't use for much else. this article absolutely convinced me fully not to. they could not have written a worse case for themselves if they had tried.

they have stated they even intend to try getting anticheat on macs as soon as possible. even if it is not possible, (which seems likely to me, considering the ecosystem?) their argument for axing linux could easily be used to just ditch macs. "we don't know how to secure it, and there were only 800 players [on a random, cherry picked day.]"

having a section in which they claim there are zero false positives is delusional. that's not how technology works. there will literally always be bugs, glitches, edge cases.

they claim they can currently read stuff in user mode, so it'll be essentially analogous in invasiveness, and it's straight bullshit.

this is several degrees of trust beyond "can read stuff in user mode when running"
this is "can read anything in user mode, in admin mode, on all other users on your computer, can restrict your bios and hardware, and has full potential to have permanent root access to any user or system you install in the future"

either they do not understand what they are implementing, which is a really bad sign for trusting them with it,
or they know exactly what they are doing and lying about it, which is another really bad sign for trusting them with it.

i'm gonna be honest, if they had taken the hardline "we know it's more invasive, but we need this" and kept it straight, i might have kept playing. it's the only multiplayer competitive game i have anymore.

but the ad hominem attacks in here, the calls to the "angry twitter mobs," the disingenuous and extremely loose way they play with the truth, (it's not running all the time! well, it is, but we don't really think it should count) that in just a few paragraphs has burned any goodwill i had towards them. they are weaponizing their own playerbase to cannibalize themselves and attack their friends for having legitimate concerns about degrees of personal invasion and that's unconscionable. that disgusts me more than the crappy implementation and the cavalier attitude ever could.

props to them, i guess, for making the only choice to be to quit a game i played happily for about a decade.

KarthNemesis,
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look up number. type out entire script for the conversation. make the script encompass absolutely anything that can happen in the call. come back to it in a few days. high energy day, find the place i typed my script and the number. triple check the number. call the number, follow the script. make sure to put off any immediate plan demands during the call to minimum two weeks out.

that's my process. i only run into problems if i have to rush things. but planning my life around avoiding other peoples' rushes and emergencies works for the most part. it does require me to know extensively more about the systems i am calling than the people operating the systems to make a proper script, but the research is not typically a problem for me... it just takes time.

usually if i follow this process and cover about 90% of topics in my script i can handle one or two issues.

KarthNemesis,
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i've been looking into lamotrigine for about 4 years, the same amount of time i've known i was almost certainly bipolar. i like knowing fully what i'm getting into. i chose this to start with this one specifically with great intention.

the intense joint pain was unexpected, it's a very rare symptom. the heat flashes, the headaches, tinnitus, the intense weirdness, moreso expected (though still interesting, it's given me various very curious intense feelings on an apparent roulette wheel.) i know enough to give it time at least, a month minimum to settle. i have hopes, people with symptoms presenting similar to mine had pretty positive results.

i don't feel "bad," exactly. just very strange. though i appreciate your well wishes.

KarthNemesis,
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I started at 25mg 2 weeks, went to 50mg 2 weeks, now 100mg. It's faster than most people, for sure, but should be titrated enough to avoid SJS. I would not recommend starting at 100mg lmao. thanks ^^

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