@melindrea@beige.party
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

melindrea

@melindrea@beige.party

#ActuallyAutistic enby with #ChronicPain. Inspirational butterfly and all around queer (in all the senses of the word!)

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RickiTarr, to random
@RickiTarr@beige.party avatar

Money doesn't buy happiness is something rich people say, because they can't figure out why people don't like them.

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@RickiTarr Money 1000% can buy happiness (in the form of less anxiety, ability to get what you need without sacrificing something else, etc).

At some point it does give diminishing returns ("hmm, do I want to go downtown for dinner, or take a jet overseas?"), and that's where the people who tout "money can't buy happiness" lives.

chevalier26, to random
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

@actuallyautistic Anyone ever tell you that you were being "too negative" or a "Debby downer" when stating facts about something? Just happened to me earlier with my family. In this case it was reasons why I prefer not to travel often (routine change haha). The whole time I was thinking, "but I'm not trying to be negative..."

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@Sci_Fi_FanGirl @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic This was actually what convinced me that my father was autistic too!

There was this strange contradiction in his life that never made sense. He loved people, he loved being around people, spending time with friends and family ... but ever since I was little (so when he was in his 40s and there's pictures from when he was younger too) he had the habit of needing a nap after dinner with friends. We had an entire album of "dad sleeping on friend's sofa", long before he was at an age where needing naps were "reasonable". It was this strange combination of "very introverted but also very extroverted".

How about an autistic extrovert who loved being social but also needed to recover after peopling?

chevalier26, to actuallyautistic
@chevalier26@mastodon.social avatar

What are your thoughts on self-diagnosis being belittled by many in the autistic community?

For clarity, I’m not asking to start a debate, just a genuine discussion. I currently don’t have the option to get a diagnosis, but feel fairly confident that the research I’ve done over the past year and a half has been legitimate and credible.

I don’t feel comfortable saying that I am definitively autistic, but I am ok with saying I’m “self-suspecting.” @actuallyautistic

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@ScriptFanix @chevalier26 @actuallyautistic
> A "proper" diagnosis, to me, is only useful to get help from society, not from peers.

This exactly. Having a diagnosis (or as I'd prefer: an evaluation that can help map strengths, weaknesses and accommodation needs) shouldn't matter between autistic people. I understand its usefulness to get help from society (if I didn't have my official dx I would not have a chance at getting disability since I need to show why I can't work), but not between autists.

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@chevalier26 @pathfinder @janetlogan @actuallyautistic

yeah, while not everything I've fallen into a research hole about has led to me realising something new about myself (I'm still pretty sure I'm not plural, nor have I had any psychotic breaks), but several of them have

That said, quick thing just because I see it often and I don't want people to get this confused: Neurotypical and autistic are not opposites. The opposite of autistic is "allistic", and the opposite of neurotypical is neurodivergent. You can be allistic and neurodivergent (for instance someone who's bipolar).

Alice, to random
@Alice@beige.party avatar

I’m building a luxury condo with a reverse penthouse concept where the floors get worse the higher you go, so let me know if you want to get in on the ground floor.

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@Alice One tiny bit of "culture shock" I ran into while watching media from South Korea a couple of years ago is that there the "penthouse" is often/generally (not sure which one since it's based only on fiction that's mostly supernatural <.<) the cheapest flat, as opposed to desirable =)

melindrea, to fibreart
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

Made a lace-weight cotton square! Now I just need to decide what I could make of this pattern ... @fibreart
Mercerized cotton, lace weight (slightly thinner than a crochet cotton in the US) using a 1.5mm hook.

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Tell me you hate neurodivergent people without telling me you hate neurodivergent people… https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/article/2024/may/19/haircut-without-talking-salon-session-stylist

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma I "like" the combination of "how dare you want to have an appointment with a minimum of small talk" and "how dare you assume the stylist wants to talk to you" eyeroll

And does she really think that a "quiet appointment" means there's not even two words spoken between the stylist and client? It just means "no conversation outside what's necessary" >.<

melindrea, to random
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

I love finding an old short story that I almost forgot how ... well-written it was.
I don't think it's something that's a thing to publish, per say, but I still love it.

Next post has the story, which includes a content note for implications of a gruesome murder, but with heavy layers of metaphors and similes on top of the fiction.

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

One reason why it took me so long to self-diagnose autism is that I thought I don't stim. In fact, once I learned that I do stim, my self-diagnosis process kicked in. That was the first time I said to myself that I might actually be autistic.

The reason for this misunderstanding was that I thought stimming is stereotypical, very repetitive, compulsory movement. I guess this misunderstanding is quite common.

I've since learned that stimming, short for self-stimulatory behavior, is basically stimulating one's sensory system in certain ways. It may be a way to soothe oneself, help to focus in overwhelming situations by feeding one's brain predictable sensory input, a way to express joy, or simply something that feels nice. Movements are part of it but any sense can be used.

When googling the term, there are mentions that also neurotypicals stim but that when diagnosing autism, stimming is somehow different -- only socially unacceptable stims are "real" stims. Bah.

I've started paying attention to how and when I stim, and collect a list of stims I do. I've noticed all types of stimming behavior (soothing, focusing, joy, fun). I do it more than before -- or maybe I just notice it more often. I've noticed that I love moving my body parts, especially to music. I also love different textures.

@actuallyautistic

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@darrellpf @LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic

Same, honestly (though in my 40s). I don't stim at all!

... I just bite my nails, tap my fingers together, wiggle my knee, move my toes in my shoes, hum under my breath, play with my hair, wiggle in my seat, repeat words with some variation (like be-bow-boo ... or even less senseful), and ... and ... and ... >.>

LehtoriTuomo, to actuallyautistic
@LehtoriTuomo@mementomori.social avatar

I've been trying to understand what it means that an autistic brain is bombarded with so much information. We spent some time at our summer cottage and I think I got some insight in this.

Instead of seeing the lake in front of my eyes, everywhere I looked I saw a detail. Its size would vary but it would still be a detail. A swan there, its partner there, no leaves on that tree yet, what a cool pattern on the small waves, what does it look like when I move my eyes this way, or that way, a car on the opposite shore, the shadow of the tree, I wonder what seagulls those are etc. A new detail with every single glance.

At the same time my attention tried to keep track of the dog and listened to birds singing and bumblebees flying around.

Now I wonder what it feels like just to see the lake.

@actuallyautistic

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@LehtoriTuomo @actuallyautistic One of the things that I figured out (with help!) during my evaluation is connected to that.

Basically, I was given a picture of a bunch of geometric figures and was told to draw a copy of it. And then I was told to draw it from memory twice. (Rey Complex Figures Test, to be specific)

Well, I started from one edge and drew a triangle, and then there was another triangle attached to that, and then a ...

Apparently allistic people start by creating the main figure, and then add the various bits!

Which seems like it's connected to your "can't see just the lake"

nathanlovestrees, (edited ) to random
@nathanlovestrees@disabled.social avatar

I found this little friend on the wildflower walk yesterday but none of us could identify it. Any ideas? I’m in the US, northeast Ohio

Also not sure if there are hashtags for plant ID requests so suggestions for those would also be helpful!

EDIT: might be a sun-deprived beech seedling (thanks to @canyakker and @herzleid for the suggestion)

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@nathanlovestrees Could it be this one? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lotus_corniculatus (that's what it reminded me of, at least)

eo, to actuallyautistic
@eo@dads.cool avatar

"high functioning autism" is basically bulimia for executive functioning.
What do you think about this analogy, @actuallyautistic?

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@filmfreak75 @eo @actuallyautistic I agree with Sean--that's a weird and offensive analogy O.o

overall, my feelings on high/low functioning is summed up (by others before me, but I don't know who to quote): "high functioning" is used to deny us help; "low functioning" is used to deny us agency.

Many of us were considered "high functioning" ... right up until we weren't.

purplepadma, to random
@purplepadma@beige.party avatar

Someone tell me something cute or funny, please. I’m struggling here and need a dopamine boost!

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma My cat will meow and pet me t get treat

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma Midnatt (midnight in Swedish). She's an adorable (and spoiled) void =)
Couple of pictures: her begging; in my spouse's arms; on the bookcase in my niece's room this Christmas; in my spouse's arms again

A black cat in the arms of a person (mainly arms visible). The cat looks quite done with things.
A bookcase with a few items on it, and a black cat sitting on top of it.
A black cat sitting in the arms of a person.

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@purplepadma Does Miss Cinnamon also have that ... blunt face with round eyes that makes them look super extra adorable? (all cats, voids or not, no matter their face/eye shape are adorable ... but part of the reason Midnatt is spoiled is: Who can say no to that face, right?)

melindrea, to actuallyautistic
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

My brain is currently a bit on the "mush" side, but I feel like sharing some positive things!

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist who wrote up the stuff for my disability things, so hopefully I will soon get disability payments! healthcare isn't always good to us ... but it's nice to know that some psychiatrists (and other people on healthcare) are on the side of autists.

@actuallyautistic @autistic.me@a.gup.pe

melindrea, to fiberarts
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

Me: "Okay, single crochet over a cord? Easy-peesy!"
Also me, a bit later: "... why is my single crochet cord a spiral?" >.<

@fiberarts

JeremyMallin, to actuallyautistic
@JeremyMallin@autistics.life avatar

As someone who is actually autistic, should I use the ActuallyAutistic hashtag every time I talk about autism, or only sometimes, for more serious philosophical posts about autism? Or maybe only for my own personal experiences as someone who is autistic?

What do you do?

@actuallyautistic
#ActuallyAutistic

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@JeremyMallin @actuallyautistic Personally I mainly do it when it feels like what I'm saying might either be useful for other autistic people ("I just figured out that if I do Y, then X!"), or I could benefit from the input ("I've noticed I do Z--anyone else?")

Where for the second, sometimes I just need validation by other autistic people, when I've been through something or done something that I think is related to being autistic.

ScottSoCal, to actuallyautistic
@ScottSoCal@computerfairi.es avatar

@actuallyautistic

So I'm wondering - what's your (group your) experience with grief?
My mother died. For long and complex reasons, we hadn't spoken for years. People kept telling me the grief would kick in, but it hasn't. I was angry for a little while, but that went away. No grief, no crying. I was sad for a little while about who she might have been, for herself and for her kids, but she wasn't, and now that's gone, too.

melindrea,
@melindrea@beige.party avatar

@ScottSoCal @actuallyautistic

I had a very good relationship with my mom, but I still ended up having some very complicated (partly bottled up) feelings that I didn't manage to process myself until I had (professional) help.

So to me, it makes complete sense that it'd be even more complicated for you. Perhaps even grieving more what "could have been" and less what actually was. Either way, I agree with the sentiment in other answers that there is no right/wrong way to process the death of a parent, especially one who for reasons have been ... complicated to deal with.

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