I've been in #software#design and development for a long time and it's been good to me, I've gotten to work on stuff that doesn't do harm, isn't invasive, tries to respect privacy etc, so pretty low on the moral compromise scale, and I've been given a lot of agency and authority, but folks, I'm bored as hell with it. I like leading teams and guiding careers and making neat apps and all but as I near some apex of experience I'm running out of fucks to give. The ultimate fake problem, I know.
I'm not really looking for problem solving help on this though I'll never disdain thoughtful input or advice. I really just wanted to say it out loud in an online space that isn't full of my colleagues, who I like and respect.
Ultimately I think I just don't get anything meaningful out of being part of a highly abstract for-profit enterprise. I want something tangible perhaps. But I know I'm lucky to be thriving in this capitalist 21st century hellscape, I don't take that privilege for granted
the part that makes it feel really dumb and self-defeating is that I've gotten - and I say this after a lot of self reflection and as someone with more than the usual healthy helping of self doubt - really, really fucking good at all the major aspects of running a medium sized (~50 person) engineering/development department. Life's ironies are annoying when they happen to you.
@mrcompletely I was in the same boat, different profession, about 6 years ago. Great job, great coworkers but really ready to move on. Probably would have stayed but the company was leaving my market and I didn’t want to move. I ended up starting my own business, best decision I ever made. I never would have done it if my hand wasn’t forced. Hang in there, you never know when the perfect opportunity will arise
@mrcompletely Regular paychecks are really, really nice, but sometimes you wish that all that time you put in was making the world better. Not being evil and being good at the work takes you through a lot of days. But maybe you've used all those days up? At least you have the great good fortune that you can take your time to think about it.
@sbourne I think I need something either more tangible/physical or more mission oriented if not both. There's no doubt that this is thrown into relief by the fact that my Mrs just started a new job today at our state disability rights advocacy org, which is as real as it gets. By contrast, "well, it's harmless and mildly useful" doesn't seem like much. But yes, the freedom to consider options is a luxury
@mrcompletely My spouse volunteered at the Minutemen National Historic Park as his offset, and he still does after retiring. Lots of options for non-paying contributions; a little harder if you need income from it.
@josh thanks, I think the bottom line here is obviously "be proactive and make something new happen" but right now I'm still wrapping my head around all this
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