Alice

@Alice@beehaw.org

Mostly lurking. United States southerner, gay, working retail. An amazing combination

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Alice,

A guy followed me around the grocery store when I was around 20. I didn’t have a car and didn’t want to walk home with a stranger following me, so I just walked around the store for ages.

At one point some guy asked me if I noticed anything strange about the guy following me. I don’t remember what I said. At another point, a friendly stranger started making small talk with me, and asked my name. I was nervous but that’s really common around here and I didn’t know how to leave the conversation.

I saw both guys reporting back to the guy following me.

Don’t know what they wanted. I ended up hiding in the women’s restroom for a few hours.

Alice,

Lonesome, been a bit moody. I’m not sure why. My best guess is that my work schedule is fucked this week and it’s made it harder to do food prep. Maybe I’m not eating as good.

Made a friend at work but now I’m feeling a little hesitant. I could tell they were a few years younger than me, but I checked their Discord bio and they’re 19. They invited me to join their D&D group and they’re all 19. The thought of being the oldest person at the table by 11 years and needing to be taught how to play is embarrassing. My best friend is ~15 years older than me and now I wonder if I ever make her feel like a grandma.

Other than that it’s all good. Chasing time due to work, but getting to the gym when I can. Getting some much needed work done around the house. I’m hoping getting the table cleared off and the craft supplies organized will get the creative juices flowing again.

Alice,

That’s true!

Alice,

What a pain in the ass. I’m sorry.

Alice,

It’s been more of the same, but that’s not a bad thing. I’ve been remembering my food prep, hitting by gym goals, and even drawing a little bit. Just sketches of my own characters and some embarrassing nude studies, but sketching is the fun part anyway.

I did get into an argument at the start of this week and in hindsight it was completely my fault. I notice that I’m a lot better at talking to people when I’m on adderall; I have an easier time listening, and I can think about what I want to say clearer. I only have it in my system for about four hours a day, though, so I’m gonna start being more careful outside that window. Never realized I had this problem until I suddenly started having better conversations with my coworkers.

Getting a little restless as they just told me that I need 22 more weeks of refinement on my dental aligners. I get insurance through my work so I can’t quit until I’m finished with all my dental work, but I’m so ready to go to tech school!

Alice,

Hope you get some good news about your knee! Glad it hasn’t stopped you from enjoying your bike.

Alice,

That’s awesome!

Alice,

I’m sorry, it sounds like a really hard time for both you and your ex. I hope things look up for both of you soon.

Alice,

The only thing funnier than people thinking Pink Floyd is apolitical is people thinking The Wall was right-wing.

Also met a strange amount of republicans who like Rise Against. When I was first getting into them I saw someone say they turned out to be fash, so I asked for more info and it turned out it was because they said they didn’t want racists, misogynists, or homophobes at their concerts.

Alice,

How far does this go? Are haircuts lies? What about clothing?

I’m a big believer that we should embrace our natural features, but nobody is trying to mislead you into believing they don’t grow facial hair.

Alice,

Hey same! It’s so hard to make time. I’ve been trying to color a picture of one guy for ages now.

Alice,

It’s been good, objectively, but for some reason I’m not feeling it.

My medication has been amazing for getting me through the workday. For some reason my brain instantaneously converts boredom to anger, plus I tend to fixate uncontrollably on really negative things. I don’t think I’ve freaked out or embarrassed myself at all since starting the medication, though.

I’ve hit all my gym goals this week, which I haven’t done in months, so that should be a good sign for my mental health, too.

But I don’t know, I still feel like a sad, lonely person. My friends all have such great relationships with each other even when I have to walk on eggshells around them. I can’t make friends offline because I have nothing really interesting to bring to the table.

Plus I’m dreading cutting my hair because everyone is so nice to me now that they think I’m femme. Actually I just had a lot on my plate and stopped cutting my hair and dressing up for a while.

Alice,

Maybe I’m depressed, I don’t know. I feel so disconnected when everyone else has a wife and a beautiful family and a passion they’re chasing, and my only accomplishment ever was leaving my mom’s house.

My new medication has been wonderful, I haven’t had any embarrassing meltdowns in a couple of weeks. I hoped my friends would be happy for me, but they all hit real milestones the same week, so it got swept aside pretty fast.

Alice,

I use “you’re welcome” in customer service, but nowhere else. It somehow always just sounds stilted and clumsy, even though it’s something everyone else has said fine for years.

Otherwise I usually just say “of course”, because I feel like it’s the same sentiment but rolls off the tongue easier.

Alice,

Same. I’ve had shit joints since I was a kid. Sometimes I feel like I got a head start on aging 😛

Alice,

Nah, this entire thing is about US control. They’re upset that it’s a different government that’s spying on us this time. No sympathy for TikTok but there’s no good way to spin this.

Btw, you know if TikTok sells to a US company, they’ll be just as rancid, right?

Alice,

Sometimes you don’t have sugar or water onhand and can’t actually make lemonade. You just gotta eat the lemons. It sucks but you gotta.

What was your most recent dream?

This post was inspired by a dream misadventure I had last night where I was just minding my own business getting gophers out of the rice field, then suddenly on the intercom/announcements (which I did not expect to have in my dream, since I was outside, not in a building), a voice said “attention, this is a representative of...

Alice,

Y’all have cool dreams.

I dreamed I lived at home and my family was yelling at me. That’s most of my dreams

When was the last time you answered a Lemmy or Reddit post/thread that was more than five months old?

I think there should be some incentive for that, like make those kinds of comments a spotlight or something. Maybe make a community called “late replies” that showcases the best such replies, or have a rule saying they grant free karma (in Reddit’s case).

Alice,

I’m not against necrobumping in certain contexts. If I have a tech support question, I can promise you I’m still clueless after 5 months. Also a niche creative project can take over 5 months to find it’s audience, and creators are usually happy to hear feedback.

Alice,

Oh, that’s true. I’ve spent so much time on Lemmy I lived in a world where “who else is still listening to this wildly popular song in 2024??” didn’t exist

Alice, (edited )

It’s been up and down. Moment-to-moment it kinda sucks, because my anxiety is through the roof and I can’t keep a gym routine or take care of myself. I feel like I’m slacking at work because of it.

But big picture? It’s actually amazing. After years of struggling to find healthcare, my friend is finally starting HRT, and I’m so proud of him for not giving up. I’m starting adderall tomorrow and praying to whoever listens that it does something. I’m in my 30s with less than a high school education and if I could focus for the first time in my life, maybe I could get a degree and get out of retail.

EDIT: I just remembered that I smoked weed at the beginning of the month. I’m probably going to fail my drug test and things won’t get better.

Alice,

Oh, thank you! Yeah for some reason re-taking the test never occurred to me. I guess I just thought, I don’t know, everything would fade to black and credits would start rolling.

The trial dose they gave me improved my job dramatically, so I’m going to do everything I can to get a refill.

Alice,

Do you like silly stuff? I usually put on the YouTube channel Drawfee. A group of artists take ridiculous prompts and draw them on the fly, and the idea usually mutates mid-drawing based on their conversations.

Might not be great as you have to be able to look up from what you’re doing to see the drawings. I’m more of a multitasker so it works for me.

Alice,

My personal boundary is that I can bitch about work to them, but I keep it light when talking about my personal life. Trusting someone with heavy shit when I’m not offering them friendship feels wrong to me.

I’m sure my coworkers think I’m a robot but what else is new.

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