BackOnMyBS

BackOnMyBS, 5 days ago (edited 5 days ago)

Eye contact is particularly interesting to me because it was one of the first things I was ever self-conscious about. My parents never told me I was autistic, though in retrospect, they definitely knew. Anyway, I remember thinking something was wrong with me around late elementary school/early middle school because I couldn’t keep eye contact. I would try but would feel too weird at the time. It was like I would get dizzy, take off to another dimension, and completely miss anything that happened while I was maintaining eye contact. Sometimes, it was so apparent that I was having difficulty in the moment, that other people would notice something was going on with me. I didn’t know what it was and was confused as to how others forced themselves to maintain eye contact so intensely and easily.

I asked a trusted teacher about it one time. She looked pretty concerned and suggested that I look at people’s eyebrows when I talked to them. I tried it, but that didn’t feel right either. What I ended up doing is socializing with people that were okay with me looking off to the side during conversations. Later on when in college and taking classes on communication, I remember they would say that eye contact was an essential listening skill. During these classes, we would have role plays in front of the class to practice conversational skills. I would get stressed whenever these role plays would come up because I knew that it was either (a) I maintain eye contact and not hear the message while I feel intimately violated or (b) I hear the message with impressive recollection but then get criticized for looking disinterested.

• What do you think is the underlying difference that causes autistic people to use less eye contact than others?

The best I can come up with is that I’m hyper sensitive to some sensory inputs, and eye contact it one of them. Eye contact to me is like establishing a direct line from my mind to someone else’s. I feel too much empathy, that it overrides how I am feeling. Vice versa, I feel that the person can feel too much of me, and that is too vulnerable.

• What does it feel like for you?

For me, it depends. If it’s someone I trust very well or am romantically involved with, then I engage in eye contact because it’s super awesome being connected at such an intimate level.

If it’s someone I know and am friendly with, then I use purposeful short glances to see how they’re feeling, especially in moments when they are sharing something that I find their feelings to be important information. If they are sharing something intimate or emotionally difficult, for example a difficult moment that they are experiencing, then I may maintain eye contact a little more until I feel I have a sufficient understanding. It’s like the eyes are the confirmation of or filling in the missing information of what they are saying.

If it’s someone I don’t know, I will barely make any eye contact if at all. Instead, I will look at their mouth. This is especially helpful if there is too much noise because it allows me to lipread. It also gives more information on their emotional disposition than looking at their eyebrows. If I’m too close to them that looking at their mouth would make them uncomfortable, I look off to the sides. I probably come off as completely disinterested, which I am not, but that’s better than eye contact with a stranger.

• How do you interpret other people’s eye contact?

Again, it depends on our relationship. With strangers and acquaintances, it feels completely invasive like they can see the inside of my mind. As a thought exercise, if the options were either to be completely naked or maintain eye contact, I would choose to be completely naked. In some cases, I will turn around enough so that they can’t make proper eye contact, or become so uninteresting or disinterested that they stop. With closer friends, I have no problem if they keep it limited and they don’t expect it from me. With intimate relationships, I expect it. If they don’t engage in it, then I think something is up with them or the relationship.

Does anyone else relate to this?

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

I hear war drums

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

Not so weird to me or most Cubans, but prolly to the rest of the world: malta with a spoonful or two of sweetened and condensed milk. Pour the malta into a glass, then add the milk and stir until evenly mixed. Drink. If you’re not used to the flavor of malta, this combo may be too much to start off with.

pictures for referencehttps://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bca5d8cf-7eed-4e7a-aa09-6efaf8a93e10.jpeghttps://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/7087b30e-0643-4633-b4aa-0ad628ecb725.jpeg

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

Vigooooooo 👻

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

“grey hats”

What’s a grey hat?

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

It’s practically “illegal” to be obese in the US Marine Corps. Those that don’t meet the requirements, get put on a special training program, generally have informal extra duties, are prevented from being promoted, lose opportunities for nice billets & duty stations, and can eventually get kicked out.

Reqs were based on height to weight ratio. Of someone exceeded the reqs, then they could request one of those pinch tests. The 2nd option was mostly used by those that had a lot of muscle mass yet little fat.

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

milkshake and broccoli (or any veggie)

this one actually disgusted me

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

I’m happy for you :)

How did you come to like that? When was the first time you tried it?

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

it might be the ugliest car ever made honestly, i urge people to find an uglier mass-produced car.

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago (edited 6 days ago)

I can see the Multipla being uglier than the Cybertruck because it looks like two differently-sized cars spliced together. However, there is no way I agree the PT Cruiser, Chevy SSR, and Aztec are uglier than the Cybertruck. Look at the Cybertruck again. It looks like a 10 year-old drew a truck on MS Paint using a mouse.

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/bc601b98-fb76-4573-99e1-850c27b330a4.png

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

I recently started watching Narcos about a week ago, and this is the first time I realize that the guy in this meme is the portrayal of Pablo Escobar 😮😋

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

Zed’s Dead

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

I honestly would appreciate one of less evident signs pls

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

Learning to really accept myself and to stop judging myself helped me to build some confidence. Which in turn helps to handle (or survive) situations which ask to much from me.

Learning to listen to myself. If I feel, that I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to. Not now, maybe later, OK?

I like these two a lot. Congrats!

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

Share away, please! Btw, I believe everyone has the right to understand in their own way how autism and society interact, so please don’t feel the need to exert too much effort on pedantry unless you really want to. Personally, I appreciate diverse persepectives because I feel it gives me a well-rounded view of the situation. It’s like if we were all standing around an object. I can only see my side, but if we all shared our own perspectives, then we could see 360*.

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

Thank you!

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

environmental and animal welfare groups were least likely to have diverse leadership

Interesting! I wonder why that would be the case. Any ideas?

BackOnMyBS, 7 days ago

my celebrity crush: Zoe Saldana. she kinda looks like an alien, but damn…she is the epitome of beauty, my Aphrodite 😍

BackOnMyBS, 8 days ago

yes

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

I can even do info dumps on topics I don’t care about. I really like the passion that comes along with it.

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago (edited 2 days ago)

Me when someone asks me to tell/teach them about one of my special interests…

Me: For real‽

Them: Yep

Me: But like, how much do you want to know?

Them: Everything

Me: Even if it’s a lot of information and takes an hour?

Them: Yes

Me: And you’ll stop me if it’s too much?

Them: Yep, I’ll stop you if it’s too much.

Me: 😮 hold on. let me think…ok… 😮‍💨 …so…non-stop talking for an hour possibly using props and a board/paper for illustrations. several related tangential topics come up and added to a list of topics to discuss later.

BackOnMyBS, 6 days ago

better text them first