DivineKestrel

DivineKestrel, 39 minutes ago to random

Dear companies,

You know, you can also acknowledge queer people at other times of the year.

DivineKestrel, 17 hours ago to random

I'm one of four women in a circle talking at my daughter's soccer game. One of the women doesn't look at out acknowledge me at all. Fucking people.

DivineKestrel, 1 day ago to random

My favorite white feminists are the ones who question whether I "should really be a part of this community" immediately after saying they are angry that I have the audacity to look this hot all the time.

"We can't have these Trans woman dropping their kids off at school looking better than us!"

DivineKestrel, 1 day ago to random

Had a talk with my daughter tonight about some heavy things, but what broke me was telling her that "Don't tell your mom" is a huge red flag that she should tell us and know she'll be safe.

And while talking about it all I could hear was his voice, saying don't tell your mom about little things. Then saying don't tell your mom about bigger things. Then saying don't tell your mom about absolutely fucking horrid things.

I've done a lot of crying tonight. I'm probably not done crying. It's so painful watching grooming happen in the past. There's so much hurt and self-hatred and self-blame.

I'm baking cookies to make myself feel better.

DivineKestrel, 1 day ago to random

Shoe selection results

"We've noticed that your shoe size is women's 14. We have removed all heels from your results because you are a monster and should only wear slippers and never leave the house."

DivineKestrel, 2 days ago to random

Lieutenant Broccoli is such Lower Decks material #TNG

DivineKestrel, 2 days ago to random

On the walk to school, my children were describing how they think of of where I grew up. How they imagine it in their heads.

They all independently came up with the picture of a black and white drab war zone with only concrete, rusted metal, and broken glass and no trees or color, it's just all black and white. Nothing has color, no people have color, it's all just grey.

And then there's me, brightly colored in a pink frilly dress skipping around and picking dandelions growing in the cracks of the sidewalk.

Shit, y'all… listening to them describe this and riff on it as they build up the picture was very eerie because… well, that's not at all what it looked like, but they absolutely nailed what Buffalo in the 70s felt like in a terribly accurate way.

DivineKestrel, 3 days ago to random

Job hunting is soul crushing. Especially when your last 10 years have been in software, and you hate it, and you can't get a software job anyway because you're a Black trans woman with anthropology and hydrology degrees, but can't get a hydrology job because you haven't done hydrology in 15 years. So I'm just floating without a job, without prospects, and with no idea what to even look for.

Soul… crushed.

DivineKestrel, 3 days ago to random

Got my cute OnlyMaker round toe daily heel that I was super excited about since they have a size 14, only to find out that they're too small for me. Gods I hate buying shoes. It's so depressing. Even when I can find shoes sized for a monster, they're not sized for a MONSTEROUS monster.

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

There are so many white people responding about voting.

Y'all, it's not hard.

If a POC says "it's racist to I expect me to behave in the way you want me to regarding voting"

And you only talk about the voting

Then what you are not talking about is the racism

And since the racism was the point, then what you are doing is changing the subject.

And if a POC talks about racism and you change the subject…

Y'all…we see that. Like, you realize we see that, right?

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

And that ain't even what I'm talking about. Y'all always do this "but what about…?" Shit.

I'm talking about white people calling POC "stupid" for protesting by not voting.

I'm talking about white people who EXPECT POC to behave in ways that benefit white people, and then condemn us when we don't do what we're supposed to do. Like you are so steeped in white privilege you don't even see how racist that is?

Take all those other "but what about …?" Arguments somewhere else, I ain't havin it.

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

White people complaining about Black and other POC people not voting shows how they can really lean into the implicit racism of the neoliberal system.

As if the corporeal state didn't happen under Democratic guidance. As if Roe v Wade wasn't over-turned under a Democratic president. 6 different times here, white people have pointed to Columbia university and said shit like "avoiding this kind of police state is why we need to vote democrat" as if the sitting president is not Democratic.

And then they'll say "it could be worse if you don't vote." When they have zero understanding of what "worse" means. When they know nothing of the neoliberal acceptance of the GOP big plan.

And when they have decided to ignore the fact that BIPOC and AAPI peoples have been living "worse" for generations.

Telling POC people to save their asses yet fucking again. Bitch don't get all moral high ground about voting just because the barrel is finally pointing at you. This shit is called "Tuesday."

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

Thinking about making a T-shirt with the silhouette of a woman and of a grizzly bear with the text "Bi-curious ( I'm into women but I might give the bear a try)"

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

I mean, she also said that she wasn't happy about me wearing a low cut top because "I'm in a high level position and mostly hide that I'm a woman." So the second-wavism is strong, I guess.

DivineKestrel, 4 days ago to random

Turns out my wife is a bit of a "women should avoid dressing suggestively so they don't get sexually assaulted" feminist.

Since I'm a "men should be held accountable for their actions since boyhood" feminist, we have conflicting views.

DivineKestrel, 6 days ago to random

Transition turning point.

I was pretty hell bent already, life was falling apart. I couldn't come back from COVID because being home with the kids all day was too amazing. I knew I wanted to be a mom and couldn't because…well, I'm a man. There were a lot of things pushing me but I knew I had to suck it up and just be a good dad.

Then one day, a group of the men from my church approached me and said they wanted me to join them for coffee on Saturday, which they do every week, calling it The Old Men Coffee Club.

I almost vomited.

I was forced to be a man, but I didn't want to be… that. Just picturing being in a group of old men made me sick to my stomach.

DivineKestrel, 7 days ago to random

I'm honestly convinced that estrogen has made me more scatterbrained.

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

So, my original vaginoplasty consult was with OHSU, which is an amazing hospital and where I wanted to go. But the consult was in two months.

On a whim, I decided to set a consult with another doctor. I now have a vagina two months before the original consult.

Just as a point of reference people: A 20 month wait for a consult and another 20+ month surgery wait was avoided by looking around.

This falls into the "It can't hurt to look around" category.

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

*On the phone with the VA, using the femme voice that gets coded femme by people who don't know me.

"Can we have the veterans name."

"Okay, the name you have on file is – but my name is Terra. I'm trying to update my name and sex on record, that's why I'm calling."

"I see your record now. What can we do for you today, sir?"

"Well, it's ma'am."

"Ma'am, yes, I'm sorry about that sir."

"I'm not a sir. Can you confirm that you have the paperwork I sent to update my record."

"Give me one moment to check that sir."

"Ma'am."

"Yes, of course, just one moment…"

*Fast forward 10 minutes, where they say they have everything, but are 'working on it,' so I can't get updated docs. 🤦‍♀️​

"Is there anything else I can help you with, sir?"

"OMG I'm not a sir, no."

"Thank you for calling the VA, sir, have a nice day."

…

*Terra throws a table into the wall

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

The Oregon Employement Department not only denied my medical leave claim because of a paperwork error they made, now they denied my unemployment benefits because of an issue they won't even show me. I fucking hate them so much right now.

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

"Way too much blood!"

*BUZZZ

"Terra"

"What is coming out of my vagina?"

"That is correct."

"I'll take 'things I never thought I'd say' for $800"

*SIRENS

"And that is the daily double"

…

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

If you are in management in any public agency anywhere, I urge you to research your current public records laws before installing Windows 11. Because that is absolutely terrifying from a public records perspective.

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2024/05/microsofts-new-recall-feature-will-record-everything-you-do-on-your-pc/

DivineKestrel, 9 days ago to random

You know the management book I want to read? I've never seen it. The title would be something like "Hug your team" and it would be a feminine view of your team as a teacher helping their class of children succeed.

"Embrace the suck" is a shitty message to hear from a manager.

"How can I help you be happy" is the message we should be sending.

DivineKestrel, 10 days ago to random

I love thinking about what @kelidanovus is doing right now.

…well… not what she's doing right now, because that's just sleeping. But…

It makes me so happy…

DivineKestrel, 10 days ago to random

Trans folk,

Have you had a one-on-one meeting/dinner/coffee/whatever with a cis friend from prior to your transition where that meeting was NOT primarily focused on you explaining yourself and your transition?

I'm trying to think of one. And I can't. I can't think of a single one.