@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange
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IzabelaKaramia

@IzabelaKaramia@writing.exchange

trans woman, I write good poems, ADHD, autist, type 1 diabetic, love to study languages, dx exocrine pancreatic insufficiency Dec 2022. Runner not currently running because of years being undernourished. Now walking some and feeling better, convinced I will fulfill a promise I made in a poem The Pale Horse

Definitely a fan of Gruyère cheese.
You can never have enough elephants.
I'll close the door behind us, a tiny tap.
It's where museums tuck away the weird.

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IzabelaKaramia, to random
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I'm awake. Have eaten breakfast and fed Ginza her breakfast.

Would have liked to keep sleeping this morning, but it's Friday. I hope tomorrow I can sleep in til 6 AM. More sleep is always good for me as it stands.

Body feels okay. Brain is still slow and grumpy, but maybe like yesterday it'll slowly wake up and do okay.

I dreamed I was running last night. It was a happy running dream and I'm sure I dreamed that with how it finally seems my body is getting better

IzabelaKaramia,
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and improving in response to me exercising with walking and cycling now.

I just might run again one day. I've missed running so much and it's been so long since I've had a great feeling run.

IzabelaKaramia, (edited )
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It might not make any sense to most people, but in lots of ways my transition won't feel exactly complete if I never get to feel like I am able to run well after the way my body has changed with transition. Some of that is because running played a huge role in helping me work through the thinking to allow myself to transition.

When I made the decision to transition, I was in the beginning of training to run a marathon and running made me feel so good and I thought it would be part

IzabelaKaramia,
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of the rest of my life.

But by the end of 2016, though I didn't know it then, my body's physical health was crapping out because of exocrine pancreatic insufficiency and running got less and less fun.

Until finally in 2018 I stopped running and thought maybe a little time away would let the body recover and it would feel fun again.

Instead it's never felt good and fun and it's been a slow diagnostic process of medicine and learning and my sisu to finally arrive where I am now...

IzabelaKaramia,
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Ginza is practicing looking adorable in the hidey hole on her cat tree.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@quincypeck

She's become so good at it.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Took a shower during my lunch break and I can see that I got some sunshine the past 2 days.

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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Morning came too early today.

Supposed to be sunny all day and temp will reach the low 70s

Ginza has become such a sleeping buddy. She loves it when I get in bed and she can then come to knead the blankets of a spot next to me and curl up alongside me.

My body feels okay but I'm not sure how well the brain will do. Getting the needed nutrients is helping, but I'm sure the body is often telling the nervous system I need plenty of good sleep so it can rebuild itself with what it needs.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I can't be sure yet but based on yesterday and now this morning, it almost feels like my body is maybe starting to do a better job of keeping me feeling warm. Which would be really nice if I didn't get to feeling chilly anytime the temp is below 70F.

Plus it would be a good sign that my body is doing a better job of energy production now that it's finally getting the nutrients it needs to do that.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Ginza parked herself early on in the early morning sunshine reaching the bed.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I took a 45 minute walk and followed that with a 25 minute bike ride. I'm feeling so much better than 4 weeks ago. It's becoming fun to move around again and doesn't feel like such a horrendous effort.

Also I saw something amazing today. Over the past couple of years I would sometimes watch and try exercises to engage the vagus nerve and switch me over to the parasympathetic system. I'd feel a bit better, but it was brief...

Today I did an exercise and saw my heart rate go from where it had

IzabelaKaramia,
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been in the low 70s and drop down into the low 60s and stay there for about 10 minutes.

Which maybe says something but I have to think about it and my own thoughts about, I don't know, free will, how much control we have our own bodies, but also how that might be impossible at times if the body is too run down, too out of whack.

Working on cooking dinner now. I'm hungry. I've been hungry all day really.

purplepadma, to random
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Morning. Miss Cinnamon didn’t come home last night. Tom slept downstairs to listen out for her, but nothing. I’m very anxious.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@purplepadma

I hope she shows up soon.

IzabelaKaramia,
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@purplepadma

oh good! That had to be a relief! Did you give her mock scolding about running off like that?

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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I've woken up early.

Today is to have more sunshine earlier on than yesterday and temps will climb into low 60s. So I hope to take a good walk in the early afternoon and again maybe take a short bike ride and see how my legs do with that. The legs feel fine this morning and I hope that the exercise stimulus from yesterday will have good effect in time on circulation and strength.

Ginza is a bit annoyed that I'm not still in bed and sleeping together with her.

IzabelaKaramia,
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I'm having some allergy troubles from grass pollen probably. Eyes are super itchy and nose is often ticklish.

IzabelaKaramia,
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grumble grumble grumble that the skies were clear when I woke up and I could see the stars in the night sky, but as dawn approached clouds rolled in and so sunshine is off to a delayed start today

Ginza's not worried about it though. I can hear her snoring as she sleeps in her cat bed near the radiator.

IzabelaKaramia,
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It's both a good sign in terms of weather and in terms of my own physical health that I spent time searching out one of my sport bras.

I'll be really happy if I can put them to more regular use and wear.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Sunshine is finally breaking through and Ginza has moved atop the bed to catch herself some rays.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Ginza is paying her respects to the sun god, Ra, this morning.

IzabelaKaramia,
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A little warmer today but still not up in the 70s where it gets happy warm for me.

Went out on the bike for ~40 minutes and a little over 6 miles of distance. Took a mile walk after the bike ride. Now heating up a meal to get calories and nutrients in me.

I'm doing much better than a month ago, that's for sure. Hopefully if I keep doing walking and biking and eating good food, I'll keep getting better and have more energy.

IzabelaKaramia,
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For let me give you this goat.

IzabelaKaramia, to random
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I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. Ginza seemed to feel the same, she just wanted to remain curled up against me and snoozing.

Weird dreams about being back at places where I used to work. A person asked me if I were pregnant. I said I wasn't, that I was just holding a pumpkin under my blouse with my hands.

Supposed to get sunny today though it won't really warm up until Thursday. But at least there'll be sunshine.

IzabelaKaramia,
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The sunshine arrived and Ginza abandoned Dinker Donkers.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Still chilly and windy outside but at least there is sunshine and I'll take a short walk after I clock out from work.

Brain has done better today than expected after the way I woke up.

IzabelaKaramia,
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Walked about 2.5 miles after work, ate an early dinner, washed the dishes, and then took a 15 minute bike ride to see how that would feel.

It felt good and weird because I haven't really been on a bike for that long in over 15 years maybe.

But I hope that the difference in how it works the legs versus walking will be beneficial to me.

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