i've told my story a few times, and I'll share it here too. It's a long one, so I'm sorry. But it's a hell of a ride.
Back in the early 2000s, I was barely 20 years old and, already, a respected songwriter where I am from. I was getting opening spots for Maroon 5. It was looking really good.
At this point, it was time to record my debut album. We spent a ton of time over the next year putting all the instruments down. I had to play everything but the drums, so it was arduous, but we did it. Then, when we were getting ready to do vocals my dad and uncle got sick.
Unfortunately, the cancer moved quickly in both of them and, before we could finish anything, they both died a couple weeks from one another. They were the only two people who were at every show I played. Literally, my biggest fans. The two people I would come back from the studio, eager to share everything with. And now they were gone forever. And then a week later my aunt died.
And then I fell apart.
Recording was put on hold until I got over the trauma. I wrote a song for my dad the day after he died. Since then, I couldn't pick up a guitar or sit at the piano without a massive anxiety attack.
That lasted for about 8 years.
Eight years later, My wife and I were trying to get pregnant and, unfortunately, it was going really badly. The doctor told us that we would probably have to try in vitro fertilization - something that costs tens of thousands of dollars, something we couldn't afford, and carried no promise of success. So we kept trying.
and one day the miracle happened. and it helped snap me out of it all.
so I called my drummer and we decided to get back to it. We may have lost the original album to time, but we could form a new band and record a new debut album.
of course, the universe had other plans. I was in an accident. A seemingly innocuous one that, somehow, destroyed me and my life. I developed Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, aka the Suicide Disease. The Worst pain condition known to humanity. And it gets progressively worse over time. it is, quite literally, hell on earth.
so, again, the debut album was put on hold as I spiraled. Soon I was unable to walk. If a blanket or my hand touched my leg, the pain would be so intense I felt like I was going to pass out.
I tried everything to just take my mind off of it and, eventually, found writing. I would mostly focus on fantasy sports advice, but I would sprinkle in serious writing like this. Life lessons. Updates on my condition. Regrets. Very, deeply personal.
Then, one morning at 1am, I was watching a postgame show. I saw a commercial - a small neurosurgery practice in my town was advertising that a new doctor had come to their practice.
Here is where my life changed forever - and why I always tell people to never give up hope.
I looked the doctor up. He was, indeed a specialist. A specialist in CRPS. Not only that, he was a surgeon who went around the country, teaching other doctors how to do a very specialized surgery that could help ease the pain. He wasn't just a new doctor in town, he was the answer.
In the span of a year, I went from having an undiagnosed pain condition that had rendered me nonfunctional, to having a surgery where they put a device on my spinal cord that helps regulate the pain levels.
I spent about 8 months doing intense physical therapy to be able to get the strength back in my leg and hip. It was grueling, but, compared to the pain I had been in for years, it was nothing. And, when I was finally able to stand and walk around again, who was there? My drummer. Asking me if I was finally ready to make our dreams come true. Sure, now I was a 40 year old father one one (with one more on the way, somehow, despite the small odds) who was still using a walker to get around.
But I committed.
I did 2-3 hours of PT, 5-6 days a week. Mostly on my own. A lot of it with my physical therapists.
The album came out a month ago now. I hate doing promotion, so I am bad at it. But this is going to be the best year of my life.
I can walk. I have a wonderful wife who was with me, trudging through hell. Two amazing sons who love me, and who I get to see grow and mature. And an album I never thought I would make, along with the lesson for them about perseverance. About dedication. About knowing that, no matter how bleak, there is always something to reach for.
Feeling the Pain is the name of the song I wrote the day after my dad died. 16 years later I finished it up and, now, it's track 6 on the album. An album I know he would have been so unbelievably proud of. It's for him, after all. Him and the little boy that has his name.
(in case anyone cares, here is a link to the album. all i want is for people listen to it and for it to mean something to them, or help them through something: https://open.spotify.com/album/5sJ3QM6tuOz9G8qPvjTArk)
Oh thank you. Yeah that’s me singing and doing guitar and bass and I wrote it all.
I really hope you enjoy it. It means the world to me to be able to do this. I didn’t think I’d be able to do anything ever again. So I really can’t express how grateful I am to you and for all this.
I'm hoping to get to a 'functional' prototype for at least one of my projects. I'm planning out a visual novel but I really dislike the stuff already out there (I'm terrible at memory management and python has never been my thing), so I started making a little program for it in rust, and then I got way into UI design and I keep getting side tracked with other little things.
There's a little more hope for this one cause I actually started world building and writing, as well as planning out how the game will function.
It's a long ways away, but I'll keep chipping at it until something recognizable comes out. Balancing my work life, these projects, and all the other stuff is definitely a feat, I should get more sleep though -.-
Yeah never underestimate a good night's sleep. Good luck with it all. My brother just self published his first novel after mildly pursuing a writing career for years. It's been on amazon now for a month or so and is already gaining quite a bit of traction.
Don't ever give up on it
Finally passing all of my first-year college classes. It'll be my third year attempting them. I'm a disabled student, so I split the courseload into two years, but then I failed a few of them this past year... I'm trying to stay positive. I'll pass for sure this time!
Hell yeah! Don't ever give it up. One of my favorite people I have worked for told me, when I was failing miserably at a management position I got shoved into, that we learn far more from our failures than our successes. As long as your learn something, the time is not wasted.
Even if it takes you 69,420 more attempts, the time will continue to pass either way. Once you cross that finish line, the struggles will be but a distant memory. You will be glad that you stuck with it. Good luck with your classes! Keep that head held high :)
I just got a new job after 7 years and while I wasn't unhappy with my old job. My new one is with an organisation I've been passionate about my whole life.
Hopefully I'll get a holiday season this December without tragedy after a few years of difficulty around that time of year.
Also accessibility to my local sports team has just massively increased for me and I'll be able to attend more games and even bring my dad.
That's excellent! It's amazing how much of a change being happy at work can make. Having that passion definitely makes it feel like you aren't even working.
I just want to graduate as soon as possible to be honest. Hopefully I don't even need to wait until next year for this, but I think that's going to be really, really hard. I recently realized university isn't really for me.
And hopefully, after graduating, I quickly able to find jobs haha. Not on startups, but a well established IT companies so that I actually learn something. But I know that's going to be hard, so I need to continue learning coding interview, haha.
I work in IT for the government currently. There is definitely a massive shortage for government and contractor IT positions nationwide (USA). If you are near any military installments, check them out! last I looked, I think there were like 19,000 IT related job postings. Good luck out there!
I hate to admit it but there's not much to look forward to for me. My life is pretty good and I'm doing okay and all, but nothing big is going to happen to me any time soon (at least nothing is planned).
That's not bad at all. At 35, I have only recently started looking to the future for where I want to be. I have always just been a day by day person. Life just seems easier that way, fewer let downs, more surprises. Hope things stay good for you!
Good luck! What are you looking to do in IT? I'm currently working enterprise infrastructure which is just fancy talk for I click on things in servers until the do what I want.
I had to think then for a moment. But my best friend from childhood is moving back to the country and it's been long anticipated, so that's pretty amazing news.
Also starting a teaching course soon and I'm really looking forward to getting back into education even part time.
You are a braver person than I am. For being such an invaluable career, teachers do not make nearly enough. Props for moving back into education though.
Me? Man, you are the first one to ask me that. I got a promotion at work that came with a 20% raise, but it's going to take a while before I see it. I recently consolidated all of my debt and will be completely debt free in three years or earlier. But I guess most of all, I am going to be ordering some more sunglasses soon and I'm pretty stoked to try them out. It's the little things, you know?
I've been pretty lucky these years, getting married and buying a house.
We found out several days ago that my wife is pregnant, so there it is !
Along the way I have a pretty significant promotion lining up, with the associated responsabilities, so we will see if I can manage both.
I hope to be able to stick to guitar with all of it, but I am not really optimistic on this topic :D
Well don't underestimate the soothing power of a guitar and singing to lull a sleepless child. Unless you only play death metal. It could still work though...
I very rarely post on social media, but these kinds of sincere topics can usually get me to open up a bit.
A couple of months ago I finally got myself to give streaming another shot. I've always wanted to see where it leads, but was unable to enjoy it properly due to social anxiety and the fact that up till now I had an unhealthy relationship with the Internet. A couple of years ago I went through therapy, which helped me with these issues, so when an opportunity arrived, I just jumped in without a second thought.
So far it's been a rollercoaster, I'm still struggling to figure out my style, as well as get more comfortable with streaming by myself (I am quite introverted myself, and I usually do it with my guild members which makes it easier for me to not have to constantly "be on"). I'm also struggling to find a consistent audience, but despite all of these things, the overall microscopic spikes of people checking it out are worth it for me.
So, for the next year, I hope to figure these things out and get a consistent audience going. I still have no idea what I want to do with it, aside from "I just want to try it properly". It also helped me step away from my day-to-day job and have something to do that is completely different.
Another thing that I also hope to do is move out of my current apartment and get away from this dreadful neighborhood, but that will happen eventually. It's just a matter of time, and I can't control how it develops.
If you are comfortable, shoot me a link! I'd love to check it out. I don't often have time to sit and watch, but it would be cool to check it out. Good luck!
Congratulations! it's a fun ride, filled with ups and downs and sidewayses. Just always give 100% even if your partner can't and remember to communicate. Take in and enjoy every moment because it goes by so fast. Good luck to you guys!
Also, Josh is an excellent prospective name for a future child. No reason for my partiality in particular.
Looking forward to three things. Introdu cing my SO to my culturally conservative parents. Getting an anticipated pay bump and promotion at work. I am also selected for a coveted programmed related to my career, hoping that it goes as well as I hope it does.
Yeah I really like the environment so far. It's growing quite fast and it has me a little nervous. But reddit has just lost all that made it so great before. I just find myself mindlessly scrolling through shit posts trying to find something that interests me, only to see the comment section full of elementary humor and repetitive dead horse jokes. They have their place, I guess, but not in every single comment section.
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