Night time anxiety.

Obscura, 10 months ago

I suffered with this too (my son just turned 2 and didn’t start mostly sleeping through the night until a couple of months ago) and sometimes it can creep back when my little one has a bout of sickness or teething and I know he’s going to be fussy in the night.

First of all, the other advice in this thread to ask for help from a doctor is absolutely valid, however there are things you can do yourself at home too and I personally found I felt completely different once I got some actual sleep!! Sleep deprivation is awful on your mind, body and soul, and it spirals and becomes a vicious cycle.

What really helps me is listening to guided meditations once I get into bed. Having an external voice to focus on instead of my internal voice worrying away is a game changer. An added bonus if you leave the playlist auto playing as you drift off, is that they’re so positive and motivating as they seep into your subconscious that I was waking up the next day full of renewed spirit. :)

This is the deep sleep one I start with and then I queue more from the same series:

open.spotify.com/episode/77AGce8ysjMZD0UYc0RD6B?s…

Secondly, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do when I was so knackered, I committed myself to exercising more. I started going for longer walks during the day and doing a short 10-20 min workout before going to bed (growwithjo on YouTube is fantastic for finding a workout for whatever time you have that night). After a while I upped the time or difficulty of the workouts. Getting into bed physically tired enough to need sleep would win more and more against my overactive brain.

I believe our babies pick up on our anxiety too. I was getting anxious which was making my son more unsettled which then in turn was making me worse, repeat ad nauseum. Getting just a few hours extra sleep over a couple of days made such a positive impact on my mental fortitude that it had an impact on my son too, and he started to sleep better and settle quicker. I noticed a positive cycle instead where a little bit of improvement snowballed into better nights for us both.

Another factor for me was realising that my son is neurodivergent and has extra support needs. This can often include difficulties with sleeping and self settling. Approaching night times with that in mind and trying specific advice for settling autistic infants helped a ton. Not sure if that is applicable for your situation but thought it was worth mentioning.

Take a deep breath. I know it seems endless and overwhelming right now, but this is not going to carry on forever. I promise. I was in your shoes a couple of months ago and now I feel more like my old self again. You’ve got this! If you ever need to talk or vent to someone who went through the same, please do message me.

lobster_irl, 10 months ago

Oh man im so sorry :( my son also doesn’t sleep, he’s 10 months old and only just got the wake-ups down to 7 or so a night. It’s a struggle and the sleep deprivation is real!! I applaud you for managing 2!

I do think that laying awake full of anxiety goes beyond just normal parenting anxiety, I know my former Reddit parent group would have asked about post partum depression/anxiety, especially since it got worse after the birth of your second. Untreated it can go on a long time! Maybe something to bring up with your doctor?

I’m a super anxious person and if my son was sick I’d probably have trouble sleeping but if it’s like that even on a regular night I would worry that you’re struggling with something that should be treated so you can enjoy life and get some sleep!

BrerChicken, 10 months ago

16 months is s long time to go without sleeping through the night. What does your pediatrician say?

You're probably suffering from sleep debt, and that kind of thing can build on itself in a feedback loop, causing stress that makes it harder to sleep, etc etc. You should speak to someone about that yourself, but like the other poster said, getting your youngest to sleep through the night is an all-hands-on-deck situation. If you're pediatrician doesn't have anything new for you to try, then you should try consulting other professionals. Good luck my friend!!

patchw3rk, 10 months ago

Sounds like you need some sleep. You're likely overthinking everything. Focus on sleep training your youngest.

Pferdekuss, 11 months ago

Did you try some type of baby monitor system?
We got us a camera that we can access by app on our phones and for the night we also put on a little sock like thing that allows the app to also monitor his pulse and oxygen levels.
This helps us so much to not be anxious all the time when he naps/sleeps!

GuyDudeman, 11 months ago

@danielholt

Yes! Absolutely. You're not alone. Our oldest didn't sleep longer than three hours at a stretch for two years. My wife did the "lay there for hours waiting to hear them cry" and hearing phantom cries. I did as well for a while.

At a certain point I just had to forgive myself and let myself sleep and just know that they will wake you up if they really need you. You'll hear them.

Also, try reading a boring or difficult to read book (like Moby Dick, although that's an interesting hard to read book). It has helped me get my mind off of things from the day, and it's strenuous enough that it makes my mind tired and lets me fall asleep.