I’m not normally a huge fan of defederation but in this case I very much support it. Fuck Meta and its services. They are one of the most actively malicious companies towards the health of the internet and its users that exists today. This was seen immediately with Threads’ privacy policy the moment it was made available.
I imagine they see a world where ActivityPub is meant for federation between services from the likes of Twitter, Meta, Google, and other big players with maybe a large open source project that gets defanged.
I don’t think they’re necessarily against federation with others, now that I think about it more. We’re just content for them, to promote the endless scroll for their own users to get trapped in.
Sure, that’s the embrace part of embrace, extend, and extinguish. Get their users to use their platform with all of the pre-existing networks and content, so that it’s a viable alternative to Twitter, and they bring such a big community that the major established players want to interact with it.
Step two, declare that they’ve got some great ideas on how the space can be improved, but activitypub doesn’t support them, and they don’t want to wait around for the standard to update; we need to bring these improvements to our users now! So they unofficially “extend” the standard, so everyone on Threads is getting the new gee-whiz feature, but they can still talk to everyone else. Meanwhile, everyone else’s experience is a little bit worse. And while we’re at it, maybe we add something that feels bad for both sides when a non-Threads user interacts with a Threads user. So gosh, I mean, why not go ahead and migrate your account over to Threads? You don’t lose anything; you still get to interact with your existing networks, nothing bad happens, just that now you also get the cool features.
Step three (and this one happens much later), the overwhelming majority of users are using Threads, because it does all the cool stuff that Mastodon can’t do. So now we’ve got another great idea, but unfortunately, this one just isn’t compatible with activitypub. So, we’re gonna give you guys some heads up in advance, if you want to stay connected, you gotta switch over to Threads, and if you don’t it’s just gonna be a wasteland because all of those users aren’t visible to you anymore, and your grandma is gonna be sad that she can’t talk to you because you won’t take the simple step of signing up for a free account.
This isn’t idle speculation. Google did this exact thing with XMPP a decade ago.
“Any community always ends up attracting downvotes and trolls, and the conventional resources such as the suicide hotline chat are only meant to keep you talking and don’t help discuss chronic problems.”
This is pretty much it right here. It boils down to qualifications, money, and the anonymous nature of the internet. It’s hard to give real and useful advice to someone based off of only a couple of internet posts.
Offline, are you gonna run into shitty therapists who deserve to have their license revoked? Yes absolutely. But the people who can help have qualifications and charge a lot of money for their time. They’re not gonna come on the internet and dispense useless or generic advice to strangers. It would be a waste of everyone’s time, not to mention the whole issue with separating work from life.
This is it, and it’s really a broader issue with online communities for a lot of professional services in general, whether it be mental healthcare or medicine or legal services, etc. I’d argue it’s not just difficult to give real or helpful advice through these communities, but also irresponsible and potentially negligent, and that’s not even going into professional ethics issues like patient confidentiality or attorney client privilege or a whole host of other ethical concerns.
Professional services generally fall into a bucket of “above the internet’s pay grade.” You really need a licensed professional, but a licensed professional isn’t going to be distributing advice over a community forum, both because it’s typically a paid service and because they really can’t even if they wanted to.
Options are at least expanding for remote professional services, and I’d recommend looking into those options if you need specific help. I’m also not saying communities are bad and they can be great for general support and community, but they’re not a replacement for licensed professional services when those services are needed.
Covid opened up more therapists to the idea of online services.
As someone in the medical field, there was a lot of legality issues - deciding where a provider needs to be credentialed when they are not practicing in the state which the patient is in, is a tricky issue. While I’m sure some providers were resistant to telehealth and were forced to get used to it starting in 2020, a lot of resistance was one of practical ‘can I legally do this’ concern.
My favorite film is an indian film name ''3 idiots''.
"3 Idiots" is a highly popular Indian Bollywood film released in 2009. Directed by Rajkumar Hirani and produced by Vidhu Vinod Chopra, the film is a comedy-drama that revolves around the lives of three engineering students at an Indian engineering college. The movie is based on the novel "Five Point Someone" by Chetan Bhagat.
The film had a significant cultural impact in India and led to discussions about the Indian education system and societal expectations placed on students. It also encouraged many young people to pursue their passions and think creatively about their careers.
"3 Idiots" is known for its humor, emotional depth, and social commentary, making it a beloved film in Bollywood history. It remains one of Aamir Khan's most iconic roles and is often regarded as one of the best Indian films ever made[.
Please answer the why part. Why should I watch your favorite movie?
"3 Idiots" is a must-watch film because it combines humor, emotion, and valuable life lessons in a captivating story. It explores the pressures of society and education on young individuals while promoting the importance of following one's passion and questioning the conventional path to success. With memorable characters, brilliant performances, and a heartwarming message, the film offers both entertainment and inspiration, making it a timeless classic that leaves a lasting impact on its viewers.
Seems like my opinion is an unpopular one here but here goes:
If the tables were turned and it was an adult revealing too much of their body to a child and making the child uncomfortable it would be inappropriate.
If someone goes out in public naked under a trench coat and exposes themselves to people who don’t want to see their genitals it’s sexual assault.
I realize different countries have different social norms but just because a scandanavian country is ok with nudity doesn’t mean that the rest of the world is or has to be. You have your own social norms based on where you live and at least in the US, certain body parts make the majority uncomfortable when visible. I don’t see this as right or wrong, just local customs.
If social norms were to change to accept nudity then that would change the situation. Some of these comments downplay the fact that it makes you uncomfortable just because nudity is accepted in a scandanavian country. Which is like saying: “In middle eastern countries woman must be fully covered at all times so you should live by that custom”, which is the opposite side of the same spectrum of acceptable nudity.
It’s my opinion that we all have to coexist and that means taking other peoples feeling into consideration to some degree. Even if those feelings are formed from social norms that change depending on where you are.
To answer your question, I don’t think it is good to talk directly to the daughter and tell her to change the way she dresses but I would let her mother know it makes me uncomfortable and try to find a compromise.
It’s ok to feel uncomfortable and it’s your right to talk with her and explain how you feel. In my opinion, she should be free to wear whatever she wants, when it doesn’t bother others, but since she is not alone it’s understandable that there should be some compromise.
I think you hit the nail on the head - we don’t need to know as much as we did. The internet had explosive growth and now with a phone in your hand, information overload is easier than ever before, because it used to just be the television while you were at home. Now you can be out with friends and glued to a device feeding you data every waking moment.
What I’m trying to do in the absence of those constant data streams is be more intentional with my time. Your serotonin doesn’t need to come from hitting refresh on a post for upvotes/likes, though that is what modern social media conditioned us to do. Consume media that doesn’t demand emotional labor. Create. Play. Read. Travel. The world outside has changed a little bit, everything is more expensive, but nature is still (mostly) free.
At the end of the day you aren’t missing much, despite what your fomo is telling you. And your phone is still a p2p communicator. Hopefully when something consequential happens, a friend or loved one will relay the message. I hope this helps a little.
I very much want to actively support the ability of people to express themselves as they feel best. If I were to meet you, should I offer encouragement and support, or should I treat the situation as just like any other?
Well it’s kinda cute when someone is being overly positive and supportive. For them it is something special and for me it’s just getting eggs at the store.
Yes. Clothing, makeup and hair and so on make a huge difference in how people perceive me. I just wear it because I like it, but it has an impact.
However, what matters most is how I feel and how I express that. When I show weakness some people will immediately exploit that to deal with their own frustrations. Likewise, when I feel fine, people love to tune in on that and I have zero issues socially.
So it really comes down to mental health, and I’m self aware of how I’m presenting.
A general way to remember this is that a trans woman is a woman, so she’s going to call herself a woman. She wouldn’t call herself a man and also be transitioning at the same time.
Like generally when we’re referring to ourselves we don’t do it in a self-invalidating way on purpose.
How did your friends and family handle and support your transition? I'm always hopeful that your support system will prove that they were there for you and not for their idea of you.
People keep surprising me. You can have a conservative hardliner who treats you with respect like a human and on the other hand someone who you thought would be totally excited about it but turns out to not understand it, leading to issues.
I’m currently not in contact with my family. It was just too painful and I have to think of my own mental health. Things have been a lot easier since I disconnected from them. It makes me feel like I failed them as a daughter. But it’s outside my power and I focus on my new life.
And as you say, it feels like some people just see their idea of you. I don’t think that that’s what love is. I think when you love someone you will pay attention and listen, and it’s not always what you want to hear.
I’ve definitely noticed this too. People I meet in the wild may start with an initial feeling toward me based on their politics, but with people who knew me before I transitioned I think it has more to do with their pre-existing image of me. Some folks seem to have a harder time processing me as a woman than others, and while politics is sometimes involved in the manner of their response, I don’t think it’s usually the determining factor.
I can often win over someone who’s a little conservative at least on a basic level just by being myself. But they don’t start with an image of me specifically because of that, but of trans women as a stereotype.
It’s a lot harder to get someone to think outside of their established understanding of another person, though. Especially if they’re so unaware of what’s going on with that person internally that transition is some big surprise.
Like I had friends who I literally used to regularly hang out with with other trans women who completely bailed the second I came out. Their other friends could be women, but not me.
While I'm sad that you had to disconnect from your family, I'm glad you had the strength to realize that it's better that way, at least for now. Maybe they will come around. It can be a real shock to some people, and maybe they just need time to process how different it feels, but I won't pretend to know your exact situation.
Thanks for this topic! What has been the most unexpected part of transitioning for you? What part was most uncomfortable? What part made you happiest? What parts of transitioning might be surprising to cis women?
The most unexpected part must be the freedom I’ve found.
I started because I felt sad that I’d never be able to go to the store as myself. That my entire life would be online or alone out hiking. So you see I was just trying to alleviate the sadness.
And I think that’s what a lot of people see when they see me. This suffering. But actually transitioning is a great thing. Suddenly you have all this freedom and a sense of relief.
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