I spilled a beer the other night while manic, and I literally just yelled at the top of my lungs at it. As if it had done something wrong. I was responsible for spilling it. That’s when I really know I’m manic, the outbursts of rage.
I’m glad I was at home alone at the time lol. Fortunately I think my episode has ended after like 3 weeks.
Oh yeah. It’s not a good idea at all. I use alcohol to deal with my severe anxiety as well. It’s a bad cycle that I know I need to deal with better. But when you’re having a panic attack and you know alcohol will solve it quickly
I took a part time job at an upscale pizza joint in a ritzy neighboring city. It went okay, didn’t embarrass myself, feel like I interacted with my coworkers well, none of them suspect a thing.
MUAHAHAHA
I feel like, just normal most of the time I guess? My normal is what most people would probably call depressed, but this is, I do assure you, quite an improvement.
VA has finally stopped fuckering and authorized me to go to school on their voc rehab program. It took months to fuck with all the paperwork and bureaucracy (fuck spelling that word btw) but I’ll be starting with just a two low-level classes in the fall to ease myself into it.
Stuck writing my own poetry for spoken word night, I can’t quite seem to make all the words fit together in any way that is satisfying to me. I fear I may be quite bad at this.
I’ve been self-medicating to treat my trouble sleeping at night with alcohol for years. Now that I’m in a committed relationship and we live together, I’m finally ready to get sober again (I’m an alcoholic; I can’t drink only in moderation).
I’ve worked out a plan with my doctor: I’ll have a week worth of valium in staggering doses to help with withdrawal symptoms. Each time I’ve done this before (three of them), I either was medicated or unmedicated but always alone. I’ve proven to myself that I can do this, so I’m not that worried about it. I do worry about how long it’ll take to get my sleep schedule under control and what knock-on effects this could create at my job.
One day at a time. The first day of sobriety is on the 20th. Wish me luck.
You’ve got this! You sound like you have a solid plan and are ready to execute it. If you’re able to reduce your intake and wean a bit before the 20th, it will help.
Doc and I agreed I won’t adjust beforehand. I’m keeping to my routine until I quit so that there’s no disruption / adjustment to throw off my schedule until I quit.
Amazing, I believe in you! Sounds like a solid plan, and having support from your partner is so helpful. Feel free to post here for support as you start your sobriety journey, and there is also !stopdrinking.
Extra pressure at work the next few months, in the end it’s a good thing, I’m getting trained as a quality auditor. It’s not my main job and I doubt I will get paid more for it here but it opens the door to another career down the road. So there’s that. And then two months to get my renewal credits with the foster parent deal. It’s overwhelming thinking about doing it together and self study is a bitch. I’m fighting off a cold, and my throat is swollen. Just miserable inside and out right now. Thanks for reading. :)
You are amazing, I mean that. I know you are super busy with work and like all of us here, you have mental health struggles, and you are still helping out a child in need. Being a foster/adoptive parent is truly one of the most selfless things ever. <3
Had a super productive day! Cleaned my apartment, went for a run, listed a ton of things I found in a back alley on FB marketplace, called Mom, and rolled 56 joints, and 10 blunts because a friend gave me 2 large mason jars of weed. I got 2 more private students and paid off a fair amount of my credit card debt.
In the meantime I am feeling the lump in my throat that happens when I’m a month into a relationship. I realized my issue is an avoidant attachment style, and the only way to get through it is being transparent. I’m worried that saying “hey I am feeling huge anxiety about this relationship and where it’s going, and that one of us may fully lose interest soon” will roll into to a breakup, but I’ve learned the anxiety goes when I stop hiding thoughts and feelings. So hope it goes well!
Had to put my dog down on the 20th, got laid of the following Friday, struggling to stay above water till my unemployment comes through. But I’m staying strong, made a list of things I need to do to stay active. I know if I sit for too long I’ll get depressed and likely go mixed.
Love to this community for all the support you give to the mental heath community
Damn, that’s rough, I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is so hard, and you got hit by a layoff right after. I’m amazed at your strength and ability to hold yourself together. Keep going through your list, and please post for support if you need it. People like you make this community amazing!
I went to a poetry jam a few nights ago- or rather, I went to the bar and they were doing poetry readings there. It was enjoyable, most were presenting their own work and getting up on stage in front of a couple dozen people despite visible anxiety. It was inspiring:
I spent 3 hours in nature all by myself yesterday, and I have to say I’m feeling so much better. A nice reminder of how much our artificial world and shitty societal standards affect our mental health. I could just be, walk, sit in the sun, hug a tree. It was beautiful. And even today, my mind is so much calmer. Highly recommend!
bipolardisorder
Hot
This magazine is from a federated server and may be incomplete. Browse more on the original instance.